Archives du mot-clé security

WHAT’S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT….? by Buhle Mncube

A classic case scenario…….

A group of friends are invited to a party, its sounds like it’s gonna be hip, hot and happening not to mention the bunch of handsome dudes who will be hosted and toasted. Single girls get excited and they want to look their best. Throughout the week it’s the fake nails shibang, the hair waxing agony and definately the eyebrow twizzing bit! They have to out smart each other, after all they are single and with every outing, there comes a never dying hope that : ‘tonite is the night, I will meet The One’! Oh yes, the interesting life of singletons….they live on the edge, hoping and praying that destiny will finally bring them closer to the happily-in-love ever after fairytale. Where ONLY love will see them through the rough tidal waves of marital bliss.

Come party night, damn the sistas are literally dressed to kill (in killer stilettos) and to impress, as per invitation requirement. The venue is posh, the atmosphere is electrifying, the vibe can be felt from the outside and of course…the brothers are there too in full force. Shining and shimmering in different shades, shapes and sizes. Blinging in designer stuff as they are also on the look out for their biggest ‘kill’. This is the jungle…survival of the tallest!

As the girls move in, the man hunt begins. It’s the ’emotional connection’ type of thing. You look at the ones that has your taste in style, the height, the eyes, the colour co-ordination, the smell and you spot one that fits your script and you think…..’that’s him, I’ve found him! Pity the numbers are not balancing, as they usually don’t, there are five other women who are eyeing this same man. It’s a matter of who can play well in the flirting game! Survival of the smartest, in and out or rather in the male kingdom, it’s the survival of who looks cheap, tartish and drunk enough to bag home after the party…..for a one night stand!

In every party you go to, there are three types of guys:

Guy No.1.
He’s all over the place, loud, bold and wants to be the centre of attention. He’s good at playing a host, he’s welcoming, he’s funny (or so he thinks) depending on your fishing target or mood that night. He can either charm you or blatantly annoy your nerves until you are drunk enough to start a conversation with him and let loose about how much you hate a man in a pair of John Drake shoes (a pair he happens to be wearing at this particular party). You write him off, he’s gonna be too much work trying to lecture about fashion basics. Track pants don’t go with formal shoes dude and he doesn’t seem to hold a good conversation either, repeating his lousy story to everyone. He’s drunk because he’s celebrating a promotion….he’s moved a rank up and is now a crane operator! Nice hey but, Out..!.

Guy No 2.
This type I refer as the ‘full package’, what all the vultures are looking for. Usually very stylish, tall, handsome, smells and looks a million dollars . He knows he’s a charmer but wants to come across as being the modest guy next door. In reality he does suffer from an ego as big as a fridge freezer. A bit shy to approach people and strike a conversation (or maybe a bit pompous) but very open once he breaks the ice. Now and again will be moving around mingling with a glass of something more pricey, just so the girls can cleverly distinguish and separate ‘men from boys’. Looks cool, plays cool and you think…..yeah he’s ‘The One! Only problem is, all eyes are on him, so you don’t stand much chance. You sashay around with a glossy pout and a twinkle in your eyes trying to get his full attention. All of a sudden he becomes the ‘hunted’ and he’s secretly enjoying it….unspoken words, just different body language strategies that women use to flirt. The girls are undergoing ’emotional’ catfight thinking who’s getting his mobile number first. They look each other down trying to indirectly see who’s the fairiest of them all. Does he like my weave…? I think he fancies blondes….Naaah, I think he prefers the natural look and at every opportunity they would walk pass him so he can pick his choice! Woow, lucky guy isn’t he? Lion King for real…..

Guy No. 3.
This is a ‘too- laid-back-for-my-liking’ type. He’s sat in the corner and nobody seems to give him any notice. He’s a bit on the chubby side and has the look that’s befitting for the chiefs, though you can tell he’s still young. All men are calling him ‘chief’ and this seems to annoy you a bit as he doesn’t look the part. Looks more like a high school principal to you. Not much of a drinker either, he’s been choking on a bottle of pineapple flavored Barcadi Breezer for nearly an hour now and for record, women don’t really fancy men who drink ‘women’ drinks (and Barcadi in pineapple is ‘very sisish’). Once and again the girls will take turns to pass by his table and dig their fake nails on the plate of nuts in front of him. And of course, to make fun of the fact that he’s wearing red socks with white shoes and a burgundy suit. He definately must be single and doesn’t get it. None of the glamour girls in fake weave are giving him a second look, all their undivided attention has been diverted to Guy 2. Lucky guy for sure. He’s the envy of the party…….

then the DJ turns down the volume and gets everybody’s attention. There’s an announcement:

« Can the driver of the Red Aston Martin V12 Vantage move his car where’s it’s parked please, somebody wants to move out »………and viola, guess who stands up?

Mr Guy no 3!! The « high school principal in a burgundy number »…. »the chief-lookalike »….. Yes him!!! to every woman’s surprise!!

So then what happens when he comes back?

He get’s every girls’ attention!! The very same girls who weren’t even bothered to give him a second glance, are now all over him or asking the host about this ‘guest’. You see…..women are all about security, and nothing else.

This guy was not given a second thought, let alone any attention but now when the girls realise what’s on offer, the tables are turned. In a split second, a woman meets a man and draws her final conclusions about the kind of ‘future’ she will have. She’s thinking:

1. if he’s driving an Aston Marton….so it’s not the only car he has. It’s one of many, so what does he do for a living? He must be a Big Boy and at this stage she doesn’t even know if this car belongs to him. What if he’s just a driver…;-)

2. so if he’s driving an Aston Martin, he definately owns a country estate and a few businesses. wooow, it gets better.

3. and if he owns an estate, then ‘our kids’ will go to Princeton and then straight to Harvard afterwards.

4. and if owns businesses, that means ‘we’ will be travelling first class all across the world and shopping in exotic destinations.

5. God knows what I’ll be getting for my birthdays, anniversarries and special occasions as gifts. Bling bling babes. You are the queen….

Amazing how sharp a woman’s brain is when securing a future deal! A man is thinking woow, she looks nice, how soon can I get her to bed and she’s thinking 5yrs ahead! Come let’s meet my parents. Oh my brothers will looove you….maybe we can go visit my aunt in Canada for Christmas…..or by the way my birhday is next week (yeah right, thought it was last month).

I usually have arguments with friends when they say, money has nothing to do it…..you wish hun. It has everything or most partly to do with it all. Even our families know this. Whenever you tell them you have met somebody who wants to marry you, their first question is: WHAT DOES HE DO? It’s never, Is he good looking? Is he tall? do you love him? but what does he do, is the first question. Why? Because they know that marriage primarily has nothing  to do with ‘love’ but everything to do with financial security for a woman.

(anybody with a healthy social life has either experienced, witnessed or can relate to this example!)

What’s your take on this? Women I say, are more about financial security than love? Please prove me wrong boys and girls…….;-)

WHY WOMEN CHEAT? by Aminata Kamara

                                    aminata-kamara

One of my very good friends recently confessed to me that she’s been cheating on her partner for two years! My initial reaction was, for two years, wow and no one knows about this? I should have be shocked, judgemental, horrified or worse avoided her completely, but I wasn’t. In fact its almost like I understood why she’s been cheating, not sure if I would have been so understanding had I not know the background or see the picture of how they live and relate to one another.

 

There was a survey done in America a while back which suggests that almost 50% of married women have had sex outside of their marriage. They also found that 34% of mothers admitted to having an affair after they had children, and another 53% say they have thought seriously about having an affair. This says that it’s not just men having affairs. We hear all of the time about why men affairs, but women having affairs never seem to be a focus. So, why do women have affairs?

Women Cheat for emotional reasons. Whether it’s a lack of communication in their marriage, a need for an emotional connection they are not receiving, or just the desire to feel wanted and beautiful, women are cheating to fill emotional voids their partners have left them with. My friend suffers from this in her relationship. Her partner never tells her he loves her, he does not show her affection even when we go out as couples he’s always withdrawn, the best he does is puts his hands around the chair she sits in not around her, where as my partner will be very touchy feely, something I expect from him. I asked my friend once, why does she put up with an emotionless relationship, she said she loves him, but then when I asked her if she thinks he loves her, she does not know….now for me, I must know that the guy loves me or else he’s out. I see no reason why I should be in a loveless or emotionless relationship just because I don’t want to be on my own.

As women, we crave the need for security. Men are the blanket that provides this security, and if you as a partner aren’t satisfying this basic need, she will seek it elsewhere. As women age, they tend to feel less and less secure. They begin to question the way they look, feel less attractive, and unable to do things they did when they were younger. Even if these things aren’t true, women tend to convince themselves that they are.

If a man is not reassuring his partner that she is beautiful and important to them, they are putting their relationship at risk, like my friend’s relationship is now in tatters, perhaps for the best!!

My friend decided to cheat with a married man at work. They have stopped seeing each other because he was almost found out by his wife. My friend told me she really did not love this guy any more than her partner but felt great when they were together, and it wasn’t just the ‘sex/loving making’ but the care and affection this other guy showed towards her.

 

If am honest, in a previous relationship, I felt like cheating for the same reasons as above, I lacked confidence, I was not shown any affection, and he was always away, and worse, I hear rumours that he was seeing other women (this proved to be so in the end). I had to seriously think about it and decided against it. It is my view that if I had cheated, I would be no better than him, or even hold the moral high ground – two wrongs don’t make a right! In the end, I resorted to ending the relationship even though the other party did not want to. It wasn’t easy.

 

Ladies, I hope you are not tempted to cheat but if you are, think about it first. Typically when you have this feeling, there are problems going on in your relationship. Try addressing those problems and see if you and your partner can work through them.

Learn to communicate better with your partner. Create a transparency, where you know everything about them, and they know everything about you. Spend time together often, and learn something new about them. Find new activities that you both can enjoy together. Never stop dating your partner!

Women really crave the emotional things, so men really need to work at giving them those things. If you are a women, you need to share with your husband what you are craving and lacking. If you are a man, work on satisfying those needs. If you do, you can live a happy marriage together!