Archives du mot-clé love

There is strenght in weakness… 

You dont have to be always Strong, there is strenght in weakness. 

Life is a cycle with ups & down, a war front where we face daily challenges & overcome struggles.  They can be the loss of a loved one, a break Up, a necessary change of lifestyle , the  fight for survival , a chronic disease…
 It Has been a cliché to praise strong women & men , to do the apology of emotionless super heroes and forget that after all, we are all so human, So vulnerable,  So sensitive & breakable.   I think the trend pushing us into pretending to be strong & unbreakable is the greatest disease of our Times . We refrain from crying, avoid showing our heartaches & ignore the healing process attached to any brutal event that May affect our lives. Emotionally we need to allow ourselves to go through the process that will lead us to acceptance. Instead of doing so, we shut our feelings, pretend to be fine,  fake happiness & move on , unaware that we are broken inside. And unknowingly, ONE Day we have symptoms of PTSD (post traumatric stress disorder) caused by the absence of grieving from a traumatizing experience. Myself ,I have often appeared as being the Strong woman , the leading sister in control, seemingly happy & smiling through hell . I was taught that a strong woman keeps her pain to herself. I was raised as a Fulani not to show off my emotions & feelings & never to expose my weaknesses.  But life has taught me a different lesson:  I have come to realize that being down & low is a strenght that will allow me to heal properly , to have thinner scars , to repair the broken parts of me. Skipping that stage is what contributes to Create nervous breakdown,  bitterness & a feeling of unhappiness that can’t be explained or defined . Go back to your abandonned heartaches, list them, face them, evaluate their level of healing, act upon them , grieve, hate , cry, then soothe, forgive & start healing by mending your open scars. All the wounds you left open inside you, that may affect Your emotional well Being , allow them to be closed & heal as needed . Talk to whoever you need to , forget about the African « What People would think » drama ,after all they are as human & vulnerable as you are, ignore the How  society would judge  you » & share your suffering . If It means talking to a shrink , do It. If It means crying in the arms of your mother or siblings, do it, however you need to let It Out, just do It. Dont Keep that poison inside you , let It flow, let It build you, let It strenghten you , then you will be ready to move on permanently. 
Beware,  I Never said you should mourn forever but give It a timeframe that will allow you to come out of it refreshed not broken into pieces. We are not super heroes of fiction with magic Powers that Will Help us heal in minutes , We are just humans regardless of our age, position or gender , We have feelings , We have weaknesses, We have empathy & we cannot shut our human side in the name of appearing strong for the sake of appearances. 

Be empowered by your weaknesses 
Naboulove 

To the hearts I have broken : please forgive me. 

​I spent so much time in pain dwelling  about heartbreaks & darkness in my soul. I cried out torn by an Insane love story in which I was the victim & the other was the eternal heartbreaker. Wait a minute!  Rewind…  How many hearts have I broken myself?  In the selfishness of my egotistical relationships drama do I ever think about those who may be the victims?  And you do you ever put yourself in the shoes of those you may have hurt.  Do you think about that guy who loved you that you tried loving and left just because you never fell in love with him? You remember his name?  Have you ever felt any compassion for his pain?  I didn’t. I just moved on carelessly & felt like I was right because I didn’t love him.  

What about that amazing guy who made a small mistake but you just couldn’t forgive him in the name of your misled & misplaced pride.  

You are not the only one worthy of forgiveness. 

So this it the other way round. They may call it Karma. I just call it life path.  That path is not easy to walk and we must not only be self centered & self conscious but we must also care about those who love us.  How many friends have we hurt knowingly or unknowingly?  Did we even try to understand the why & how? 

I tried to dig inside my selfish self & managed to remember the hearts I may have broken , torn or bruised:   Family members, friends or lovers?  It is not a very agreeable exercise but I realized it helps.  Hurting hurts & feeling uneasy about what we did confirms it wasn’t right. What doesn’t feel good and right is generally bad & wrong.  We are not just the result of our pains. We are also the product of our guilt trips.  To all the hearts I may have broken consciously or unconsciously FOrgive me as I am working towards self forgiveness. It is not about stating excuses or giving explanations but just about consciously acknowledging that I am not nicer than those who have hurt me.  I am also responsible for some pains & some people think about me as the person who killed their hopes at a given time in life.  I had to unlove them then for some reasons that seemed valid to me at that time.  Exactly the same way, those who hurt me had to do so to find their own peace of mind when it happened.  I replaced blame shifting ,  guilt tripping & remorses with responsibility. And here I am before the world finding peace in awareness & taking responsibility for hearts broken on my life path.  

Peace Love & Light.  It is never the end as long as you breathe. 

Be Empowered because you are powerful. 

Naboulove

Naboulove Power series : 1-Shine with the power of Love.

« When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace » Jimi Hendrix

At the center of life is love the most powerful  tool we have at our disposal. The love cycle is unending fulfilling & rewarding.

Love cycle is  unending as it  knows no limit as long as we let it grow & flow within, it expands inside out  & turns into a positive brightening energy that will definitely be fulfilling for any being. Also, if you do what you love & learn to love what you do , you can only be fulfilled, the opposite of being frustrated. The following also  applies : “if you accept & love yourself enough then you can only feel good about who you are”. As a fulfilled person you can only give the best to others. Giving is rewarding, especially when it is done genuinely without expectations & somehow by planting the seeds of love, it will grow & come back from the universe as a flow of unending love.

Don’t you just feel wonderful when you focus on loving yourself then work on sharing only love with those around you?

So how do you turn a destructive feeling into love? Hard & challenging task indeed. I read a beautiful book of Leo Buscaglia who was sharing his love teachings with his students.

And I realized that society rules pushes us into a scheme: lwe are asked is to excel in life in what we do. We are happy as kids to come back with endless awards & as adults we collect degrees & medals, and we race up the ladder of success in order to be at the top. Finding a life partner & building a family in fear of continuity is our main goal in life.  Where is love? We hate school, the majority dislike their job & in the current social environment family is a failure. Am I an utopist thinking that « Peace & Love » is the only way forward? I am a realistic person , an average human person whose life was centered around success… It is just that looking closer at people who live a life centered around the Power of Love, I notice that they live a successful life.

My own recipe of the « power of love »

I have been quite an above average student, proud of my degrees & professional achievements but obviously I wasn’t really me until I listened to that inner voice who had so much to share. I was somewhat hiding who I was & what I loved just because I thought I was undressing myself before the world letting people read through my feelings, discover my vulnerability, explore my scars with me, and maybe see me as a weak person. I wasn’t brave enough to share my expression of love & life. I kept on writing my pains, joys & sorrows just for myself. And I knew that putting one word after the other was making me alive much more than my degrees, my ability to converse fluently in several language or even my corporate position. I gave enough credit to myself, decided to love my words & a friend of mine gave me a book I cherish more than anything. A classic book on writing in english. So like some find their expression of love in dancing, singing, accounting, or even physics or mathematics, I just found out that endorsing what I loved doing fearlessly was the purest expression of self love & love. I could hug the world with words, be at peace with myself & just shine from within letting go of pains & anger with just a pen & a paper.  I learnt forgiveness with writing, I realized the essence of love was much more than just 2 people holding hands together but one heart trying to heal permanently from the worlds’ constant emotional challenges. Let go of fear, let go off hurt, let go off anger , find a way to crystallize them into something you love doing that will let them out & turn them into love & maybe touch a soul with it. Reading, trying to grow more love in me has been a transforming experience & a certitude that everything I was looking for, that extraordinary love we are chasing all our life is a powerful force that we need to dig from within. Once we are in that process, we will face our hidden fears, re-open scars that haven’t totally healed & deal with our pains. I never said it was easy, it can even be frustrating because like everything else it requires patience, strength & work. But in the end ( even though it is a never ending process), you will find that little light inside of you, that powerful feeling  you filled with love & definitely shining around you. You will find the strength to love no matter what or at least you will make the effort to search that inner force. You will only love & appreciate the  beauty &  talent in others naturally. you will run away from hateful negative beings. And you will open your heart to people regardless of their age, origins, background , etc.. And you will learn to enjoy the richness behind each relationship. Some will find you self centered arrogant & narcissistic , which might even be the case but in the end what matters is your courage & ability to be just you.

 

« Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a

listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all

of which have the potential to turn a life around.”― Leo F. Buscaglia

Be empowered because you are powerful

©Naboulove

Naboulove Golden Rules of Friendship

Life indeed is a sum of interactions with various people , family, co-workers, friends, acquaintances, people we meet for a second or those we spend a lifetime with as well as those we have never met but have such an influence on our lives. Harmonious living ( I reckon, a total utopia) demands a lot of efforts & the people who lift us, carry us , without being necessarily family members are our friends. A cousin is family but doesn’t have to be your friend. The beauty of friendship lies in the free choice, the natural attraction & genuine togetherness. Some tell me I have too many friends, but is there anything as too many when it comes to giving & taking love, attention , on a free basis. I tried to scrutinize my various friendships throughout my life path & it taught me a lot about myself. These are the rules I either wished some people had used with me or even that I could have made use of myself with some people I might have disappointed somehow ( striving for perfection in a not-so-perfect world is one of the greatest phobia of human beings).

1-    Love : not the kind of family love but one that transcends blood & sex. That feeling you have for another who just brings out the best in you & also seems to be always there for you emotionally. Just because you crossed each other’s path. I am sorry some people are unworthy of it but I wonder why I keep insisting …

2-    Care : yes friends care about each other & show it: how are you? I missed you. How are you coping? Family assumes you care, but friends need to know you do in facts. Guys I love you all but I am an emotional mess sometimes…

3-    Appreciation, it’s not about being flattery or fake but whenever you think “ wall Done Zahra” voice it up so she can enjoy it. There is nothing wrong with appreciating your friend’s dress, beauty or achievements. Genuinely. It kills envy & it’s always rewarding to be friend with good people. To be used moderately between men & women sometimes –depending on the level of exposure of the Lady or man in front of you-… My friends are brilliant & beautiful –Masha Allah & I am proud to have them in my life.

4-    Gratitude: stay with you when you are heartbroken, listen to your broken record failed love story, lend you some money, keep your kids  when you are away, call your mother to check on her,… so many little gestures a friend does for us. And sometimes we just take it for granted or we procrastinate the gratitude moment & we appear ungrateful –I am guilty of that one-; Forgive me Pat I will never forget what you did for me…

5-    Communicate clearly & this implies talking & listening to your friends. Some people want you to listen their problems without even having an ounce of compassion about your own stories. There is also the friend who always listens to your deepest secrets without ever sharing the slightest secret with you. There must be a balance in communication. Like everything else it is not easy to achieve but some friends are worth the effort.

6-    The One to One principle: if you love groups of girls “Sex & the City” style or “Desperate Housewife” type, be careful, it is not always as glamourous in real life & the risks are gossip, backbiting, imbalance, etc. And it is not everybody that likes mixing up with half of the planet.. And rememberin case of group friendship, never talk about those who are not around if you know you won’t feel brave enough  face to face. So you either STFUP (shut the F… up) or you take a stand. Capisci?

7-    Straightforwardness is key . If you are lucky enough to be diplomatic use & abuse of it. If like me you just say it as it is, make sure you will be able to deal with it is your turn. But don’t compromise with the truth. If the dress is ugly, the hair color, even though trendy makes your friend look like a monster, or she has given up on her weight management issues. Tell your friend. If you care.

8-    The art of sharing or how to give & receive without expecting the same. My mistake was often to say : “ after all I have done for so & so…” wrong approach madam Nabou! You did it because it was your friend & you were happy to do it then. It was not a deposit at the bank you expect to retrieve some day. Karma is awesome & anything good you do sincerely comes back to you either way. Also if a friend decides to spoil you with a present , it is just because they care & love you & want to make you happy as simple as that: no hidden agenda. If it’s not the case review your list of friends asap. A big sister’s advice.

9-    Reciprocate : Ok it’s not because friendship is free that you are not obliged to reciprocate in a way or another. Don’t be nacissico-selfish & learn to reciprocate & it is not only about gifts & goods.

10- Law of silence is most definitely the hardest for us women to respect. We have big mouth we love exchanging gist.  But a friends’ secret is NOT a gist. In no way.  Also be  discreet about what you report to a friend about another friends’ discussion with you. JUST KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. You don’t have to tell your mother, your sisters & brothers or your Man or Woman. It is between the 2 of you. Then keep it that way. Unless your friend is addicted to Cocaine or has been raped or is planning to commit a crime or suicide…Only in case of life threatening EMERGENCY.

11- Acceptance: since I discovered that nobody’s perfect , it has change my world. Everybody didn’t have your background, education or parents so if you decide to be friend with someone accept his or her flaws. I hate people who misspell French & I used to be horrified by them until I got the greatest advices from someone who knew little French but with great wisdom. I have all sorts of friends (my sisters & my mum can testify to that) just because I learnt to accept that if someone is a gossip I don’t have to share a secret with her. Or if someone is sensitive about some issues , I will be careful. Acceptance is about character management. If a friend doesn’t reply to your mail or a phone call , in fact it’s not because he/she doesn’t care…so give the benefit of the doubts to your people.

12- Tolerance IMPLIES a lot more than acceptance since you have to try to be non judgmental: your friend is getting married to a womanizer, or becoming the 3rd wife of a bad boy, or she made the wrong choices & comes to you for a supportive ear and all she gets is : “I told you”. Once again this is life, not Alice in Wonderland. We all have our fair share of mistakes & bad choices.

13- Reliability: “lean on me it won’t be long til am gonna need somebody to lean on” … I love that song because it says it all. So be a supportive, & reliable friend try as much as you can to do what you say. Be there through thick & thin.

14- Forgive me please. I lied . You lied. I forgot your birthday. I told your secret (innocently done only forgivable though), I criticized your husband or wife, etc. etc. FORGIVENESS of friends’ minor sins will only make your bond stronger.

15- Respect each other’s limits. Even twins have their own lives (as a mother of twins I know what I am talking about ) . So don’t push too far, respect each other’s privacy, little secrets, silences & absence…
And I believe these simple rules (fruit of my own experience) should help us in our overall interactions with others.  Please forgive me I didn’t expect it to be so long.

“Be Empowered Because you are powerful”

2012 ©Naboulove

Give love a chance.

« Well how else can I explain this rainbow when there is no rain…It’s magic, when we walk hands in hands my life becomes a wonderland, it’s magic… », if you have never heard that beautiful song of the Jazz singer Dinah Washington, then you have been  missing something … It is one of my favorite love songs of all times. Vintage, jazzy but wonderfully romantic when you are in that mood or even looking for it…
Falling in love all over again, letting go, letting IT be… And feel the butterflies in the stomach, the heartbeats every time he calls , living up to surrealistic romanced expectations, Expecting an umpteenth sign of « Ooh yes I love u too »… « This it It » the great feeling, « this is him » the one I have been waiting for… At 15,20,25,30,35,40,45,50,55,60 and until our last breath we keep on hoping, dreaming, expecting that this time he is the One. Sometimes we are lucky, and other times it’s tricky, we either fear our feelings  or we are led by fear, afraid of a painful ending, we run away & at times behind the rainbow there is a storm when we realize he is not so « charming as a Prince » but what the heck is life about? Give it a chance if your heart beats soo fast whenever you are together, know your limits, distinguish love from lust but remember that even if he is the One, some days will be sunny & others rainy so there will always be pain management issues.

This is real  life we are in, not a romance novel. We stay afloat in an Ocean ,sometimes cold & with high waves like the Pacific, or Calm & hot like the Atlantic off the shores of Florida. Learn to live & love by swimming through the waves, and no matter what happens remember that Love has kept you alive every time you thought your heart would not beat to that pace again…

“Be Empowered because you are powerful”
©Naboulove