Archives du mot-clé happy marriage.

Be your husband’s mistress.

He chose you over other women to spend his life with him, to be the mother of his children & above all to be his companion through thick & thin so stop behaving like a shocked prude just because you belong to the « Wife » Club or as the title of Ekene Onu states as a member of the « Mrs Club ». So why do I write this, because I am angry with all my married sisters, friends etc. who give up the best part of their husband’s time to other women. Please stop telling me you hold hands in public but hardly have sex in private. It is wrong, You are the legitimate partner of your man & you owe each other breathless nights of torrid sex. Quit the religious crap you are hiding behind , sleeping at church or trying to replace an Islamic scholar. To be wild with your husband is Right. So instead of whining & complaining about his plenty “ghost” mistresses & girlfriends he seems to enjoy life with, stand up & #takeyourmarriageback. Every day you can decide to initiate a new start even after endless years of marriage. So since he is the man of your life, your one & only don’t end up bitter or looking for a lover to satisfy your needs (that is a sin, even if the lover is your pastor or a Malam lol). It’s easier to draw a plan, & decide to become your husband’s mistress. So if you were a “Desperate African Housewife” longing for hot steaming sex, here are few ideas on how to make a difference in the bedroom. And remember your man might seem surprised at first or a bit suspicious but hang on there , he is your husband, & since you are already the mother of his kids, there is no harm in also becoming his perfect mistress & sex partner.

Of course you can’t be alert 24/7 but please I don’t want you to give the man a chance outside of Home; you have the power , he has to come home every day, he has to eat your food & has to spend some time at home whether he likes it or not. So open your drawers & bring out all the sexy lingerie, aphrodisiacs, Kayan Mata, Béthios, Bin bins, etc. you have been buying always waiting for the best moment to use. Now is the time. So Mrs member of the Legitimate & legally Married Club , be ready to also be a very sexually satisfied wife.

1-    It’s not because he is your husband that you should take him for granted, so make yourself indispensable by listening to him, become his friend, & win his confidence. Stop being the reasonable judgmental bitchy wife once in a while so that he can freely share his thoughts with you, carelessly & freely. Be his lover, confidant & intellectual muse.

2-    Remember it is more than sharing a bed together or sleeping under the same roof, it is about making those moments unique once in a while (I know it can’t be everyday), reality is when you tell him about school fees etc. But indulge for some fantasies & dare to create mind blowing bedroom moments for your man. I am sure you have clear ideas of few fantasies but never dared… If you can’t be crazy with the man you share your life with, then don’t complain if sex is scarce… Forget about all our African taboos presenting the wife as a “pseudo saint”…Hell with that you also need to feel desired & create passion in your couple.

3-    Surprising Factor. Stop blabbing endlessly about your women’s gathering & gossip about the neighbor’s wife…cultivate mystery, be unpredictable & don’t let him always be able to read your thought. Have a life, a job, a passion, a hobby outside of him. Let him miss you, ask you question, wonder a bit about you & be surprised.

4-    You love your children unconditionally right? Try to give him that kind of love, without being a doormat, reconquer the intimacy you used to share together. Learn to trust him. If he didn’t love you, he wouldn’t have married you. Don’t accept just any fool to come & bring your husband down. Trust, Intimacy, Respect are what you owe him. And whatever happens outside your home out of your knowledge or sight shouldn’t be any of your business as long as you are a respected , well taken care of wife.

5-    Never mention the other “woman” or “women” – if there are any- in an insane jealous way; the man is yours. Be subtle, strategic, mature & make him feel what he is missing at home by being attractive, sexy, nice & friendly. If you have a point to make, don’t be aggressive…COMMUNICATE don’t attack.

6-    Creativity/Innovation are keys , as you know men need excitement to awaken their senses, so don’t hesitate, tie him to the bed, use cufflings, feathers, massages. Suggest sex in a different room of the house or even in the bathroom, get out of that bed & innovate, initiate… Sexting about your underwear while you are at a dinner, or emailing him a kinky picture of you when he is away, don’t be shy. Describe to him the things you would love to do to hi in simple words, even by calling him at his office.

7-    Foreplay, majority of men love Blow Jobs, & am sure that many more African men would feel freer in bed with their wives if they showed a bit of kinkiness instead of playing the “preacher’s wife” role. Ice cream, Ice cube, chocolate, or even specially designed products are available. Use your head to spice the foreplays. Role playing . Why not? And stop that African sentence “ it’s for white people”. That is where you are mistaking Madam. Once again he is your MAN. Do your thang & have fun.

8-    Escape: Get out of home. Don’t tell me there are no hotels in your town, you don’t even need to leave town to make it hot. A change of environment can be an arousal factor. Why don’t you meet for a drink after his office hour & spend few hours in a hotel room. Revive it … And whenever you can a weekend out of town can rekindle a lot of things between you. Ask him daredevil…

9-    Make Over . You can wer anything when with your husband but forget about the wrapper & the Ankara dress. Buy short dresses that you will wear just for a dinner at home with him. A bit of lipstick, a new hairstyle, henna, red nail polish, lace, silk… Be a different woman , a woman exulting desire for her husband, happy to please him & ready for a sexual firework.

10- Awaken the 5 senses; I know am repeating myself but one can never stop saying it : It’s not only about sex, but also tease his taste buds , by cooking with new spices, or give him new Cocktails to drink, use different enticing fragrances on your body & also in your home , let him see a sexier you , a clean house, touch a soft skin, hear a nice lovely music –  Sexual Healing , I wanna sex you up-, have a gentle low sexy voice tone, & …

So you have the power so don’t let it slip away just because you are happy with the ring. Take charge, Make the move & be your husband’s Mistress.

“Be empowered because you are powerful”


WHY WOMEN CHEAT? by Aminata Kamara


One of my very good friends recently confessed to me that she’s been cheating on her partner for two years! My initial reaction was, for two years, wow and no one knows about this? I should have be shocked, judgemental, horrified or worse avoided her completely, but I wasn’t. In fact its almost like I understood why she’s been cheating, not sure if I would have been so understanding had I not know the background or see the picture of how they live and relate to one another.


There was a survey done in America a while back which suggests that almost 50% of married women have had sex outside of their marriage. They also found that 34% of mothers admitted to having an affair after they had children, and another 53% say they have thought seriously about having an affair. This says that it’s not just men having affairs. We hear all of the time about why men affairs, but women having affairs never seem to be a focus. So, why do women have affairs?

Women Cheat for emotional reasons. Whether it’s a lack of communication in their marriage, a need for an emotional connection they are not receiving, or just the desire to feel wanted and beautiful, women are cheating to fill emotional voids their partners have left them with. My friend suffers from this in her relationship. Her partner never tells her he loves her, he does not show her affection even when we go out as couples he’s always withdrawn, the best he does is puts his hands around the chair she sits in not around her, where as my partner will be very touchy feely, something I expect from him. I asked my friend once, why does she put up with an emotionless relationship, she said she loves him, but then when I asked her if she thinks he loves her, she does not know….now for me, I must know that the guy loves me or else he’s out. I see no reason why I should be in a loveless or emotionless relationship just because I don’t want to be on my own.

As women, we crave the need for security. Men are the blanket that provides this security, and if you as a partner aren’t satisfying this basic need, she will seek it elsewhere. As women age, they tend to feel less and less secure. They begin to question the way they look, feel less attractive, and unable to do things they did when they were younger. Even if these things aren’t true, women tend to convince themselves that they are.

If a man is not reassuring his partner that she is beautiful and important to them, they are putting their relationship at risk, like my friend’s relationship is now in tatters, perhaps for the best!!

My friend decided to cheat with a married man at work. They have stopped seeing each other because he was almost found out by his wife. My friend told me she really did not love this guy any more than her partner but felt great when they were together, and it wasn’t just the ‘sex/loving making’ but the care and affection this other guy showed towards her.


If am honest, in a previous relationship, I felt like cheating for the same reasons as above, I lacked confidence, I was not shown any affection, and he was always away, and worse, I hear rumours that he was seeing other women (this proved to be so in the end). I had to seriously think about it and decided against it. It is my view that if I had cheated, I would be no better than him, or even hold the moral high ground – two wrongs don’t make a right! In the end, I resorted to ending the relationship even though the other party did not want to. It wasn’t easy.


Ladies, I hope you are not tempted to cheat but if you are, think about it first. Typically when you have this feeling, there are problems going on in your relationship. Try addressing those problems and see if you and your partner can work through them.

Learn to communicate better with your partner. Create a transparency, where you know everything about them, and they know everything about you. Spend time together often, and learn something new about them. Find new activities that you both can enjoy together. Never stop dating your partner!

Women really crave the emotional things, so men really need to work at giving them those things. If you are a women, you need to share with your husband what you are craving and lacking. If you are a man, work on satisfying those needs. If you do, you can live a happy marriage together!