Archives du mot-clé friendship

FRIENDS: HOW DO THEY CHOOSE YOU?

The world is a big fake hole in which you have to survive with a whole lot of people whether you like it or not,Even Robinson Crusoe had his Friday on his desert Island soo how do they rate you on their scale of relationships, why do they stick to you & you bear with them? Is it a real friendship or are you just acquainted? What are the codes that reunites you to them, Is it a genuine affection, a deep friendship, a common sense of style, the same professional background? Let’s take one step at a time & maybe you will identify who is who is in your entourage.

1-Those who want to know where you come from
Most of us have had the fate to either grow up or live abroad , so in the process we have been asked more than once “ Where do you come from?” When in the UK , US or France, you will certainly specify where you belong? “ Africa” vaguely to any Caucasian, West Indian or African American. From that minute & their attitude, they will either accept you , without questioning you or they will find out more about your “Africanity” : which country etc. I remember in England in the eighties , people used to ask me if I was sleeping in a tree & if I was living with wild animals around. My experience in Japan was the most hilarious, the notion of Africa as a continent was quite unclear in the 90’s, in spite of the Ghanaian & Nigerian hanging around Roppongi area… Most of them were dressing like American Rappers & obviously claiming to be so. Anyway I am disgressing, when you meet another “Black person” you will ask him “ Where are you from?” you expect the name of a country as an answer & most of the time living abroad creates communities in those foreign countries in which people get together , & befriend mostly because of their cultural similarities : religious, village, tribe, country. Most of the time you will find in the short or longer term that being from the same village or tribe is not always enough to be a real “ friend” . Think about it. Distance & exile create invisible links that may be cut once you all meet at home, realizing how different you all are in fact.
2-The posers who only care about what you represent
When you are the great executive, talented designer, successful business person , or highfly housewife, everybody wants to be your friend , some out of genuine admiration, others out of frustrated envy or just because they need to have you in their address book as an essential accessory. Every time they need a little push, you could easily hear them around your back “ Oh Funmi is my very good friend, there is nothing she could refuse me..” , they will intrude your life at all cost, invade your workplace or home, be nice & friendly to you & your friends, stress you with alls & sms’s …UNTIL..until you make the great fall or have a big issue in your life. We don’t wish it but we all know what life is ade of ups & down , so we accept them & move through them.
So the famous Aisha who was claiming to be Funmi’s “Very good friend” will just vanish in the air , looking for another rising or shining star. Do you recognize anyone there? Are you sure he, will still be playing Best Friend when you will go through life’s hardship? Look around & run away before it’s too late.
3-The look & style sisters , who rate you according to what you wear
I plead guilty , because I love to look good; & I do admit having few fashion items in my dressing, & as well as anyone, I appreciate classy & elegant people. BUT. Yes there is a BUT, I don’t want anybody to befriend me because I am carrying a designer bag. Hell no! I am worth more than a piece of nappa leather and few grams of gold. I am a person. So when the other day a good friend Mrs S. called me to tell me how she became friend with a girlshe met at the jewelry store in Place Vendôme Paris, where they were servicing their watches, the same ones, I was a bit skeptical. The two Ladies met again in Abidjan in their watch talk , but after having finished all the topics of watch, shoes, bags,& clothes, they had nothing else to share. Isn’t that boring? As far as 25 I could live for my looks but after that you have no excuse to pick people according to only that. Especially when you can have both: A very elegant real friend.
4-Who you are as a person
That’s what even super stars want to be loved for, those who see you beyond your belonging, your looks, your job, your family, those who feel you as a human being. They feel you more than they see you & they learn to love you with you qualities & flaws, they will take the time to listen to you talking about the consequences of your negative choice, without judging you. They will push you to become a better version of yourself as much as you will do so for them. That rare gem takes the time to understand you & be in phase your inner self. And the older you grow, the more you will express the need for that kind of relationship, nurtured by LOVE. But as any other human encounter, you will have to take the risk to love in return that dear friend, who could even live thousands of km afar from you, but who keeps you in his/her heart no matter what. When you meet these special friends, you feel transformed & different which in fact is not the case, they just help you bring out the real you, the best in you that was dormant. So open your heart & make a sign, to get a wave back from that special soul sister or brother.

Did THIS give you a clear mapping of your entourage? Yes?No? Maybe? Open your heart…

NABOULOVE©DEC 2009

The Fruit Basket by NabouLove

The Fruit Basket

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When I receive friends at my place, I usually make nice (or so I think) flower arrangement, for the beauty of the flowers, as well as a fruit baskets to decorate my buffet, just for the beauty of the shapes & colors. Flowers will please our eyes and if we are lucky they will diffuse a nice discreet scent around. To make a beautiful fruit basket, just for display I choose the nicer looking fruit –flawless & with bright color- …

Hum where is she heading to ?

               Fruits are vital to our health, they provide a certain amount of vitamin, depending of course on the fruit you choose, a banana will be full of potassium, whereas an orange symbolizes vitamin C, etc. When I choose a fruit for display , I don’t really pay attention on whether it is edible or not but when you decide to pick a fruit to munch , you pick it according to 1-your taste; 2-its color, ,3-its smell to check whether its not rotten; 4-You touch to check whether its ripe ; 5- you make your final choice clean the fruit & bite it, ; 6- your taste buds make the final judgment… So if u feel like juicy fruit Mangoes& pineapple are perfect or peach & strawberry, the choice is unlimited.

You still don’t get me right?  

                      Where I am getting to is the community & circle in which we evolve is like a fruit market, you can choose people from their appearance if you want to be seen with beautiful, well dressed but sooo superficial friends. They might bore you in the end (unless you are close) or some can nicely surprise you by being supportive, sharing, caring, & deep sensible human being.  So bite in the fruit before claiming its edibility.

Some fruits seem rotten on the outside when in fact they are a real delight for our taste buds as well as a rich source of vitamins and nutrients .So go beyond the shape, the color & even try to go beyond your usual taste and you might discover a whole new world of possibilities through people.

©NabouLove June 2009

Are You Looking For A New Love? by Shakeerat Orimadegun

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Many People do not know that it’s always better to be alone than be in bad relationships every now and then, but life has a way of making one change his/her mind from unwanted thoughts.

And as long as one craved for a company, guys will always be guys,(hmm point of correction people will always be what they want to be) You can either play desperate to them or play hard to get, they knew what you want and they know what to say if they must get at you. And, once they know u are desperate in finding love, dating, marriage or what have you..they will treat you as they deem fit.
If a man is as good as he says, he’ll romance you by every means he knows how to win you over. And if is a woman..she will flirt and seduce you until she get what she want….Nothing is guaranteed!!

See you might probably have been hurt before and in your mind’s eye, every man/woman are the same, but you will never find out unless you give it a short. Also learn to be friends first for along while without promising anything. So if you find out that it won’t work. There shouldn’t be anything too tight in your gut; in relieving yourself from unwanted situation

I’ve learned that:

* Become friends first, and then if you both feel like you want more… then small steps, one-at-a-time, no rush! If its REAL, it will happen.

* Friendship is a good thing to build a relationship on, once you have a good foundation, you build on it. …Never letting go of that friendship because that’s what started it all. I’ve found out that what you do need to look out for, Is someone that you are comfortable with, Trust, love, faithfulness, sincerity etc will be earn along the way.

* One don’t need to rush love… it’ll happen when you least expect it…Just take that time in finding it.

* Date for a while and learn about one another. Past,  present and future thoughts.

* Compromise if you must, everyone has to compromise a little. But it is with little sacrifices that we make both party happy.
….You can’t possibly get everything on a platter of gold. Most times, you do really need to compromise.
I have always been someone that won’t trade my wanted quality for anything. But after seeking fruitlessly. I found out that I do need to bend a little.

* Then make the best of the relationship; finding the perfect match for oneself is not easy because if it was easy finding a good person everyone would have one… Some people settle for less… the wise ones are picky, and choose someone who as beautiful inside as they are outside… Somehow everything works out in this world, just the way we want it to be, some good/some not as good. We choose our own paths, make our way. Its just life… Be what you want to be, don’t let anyone hold you back.

Above all you need to check yourself too, maybe the problem might even be from your side, maybe you are not yet ready to give up your freedom and singleness.. I know there is a pot for every lid. Someone is out there for everyone… One just needs to find it patiently.
So, my  dear. That’s what I have discovered about relationships and finding new relationship. Hope you find some point in it.