Archives du mot-clé Break-up

To the hearts I have broken : please forgive me. 

​I spent so much time in pain dwelling  about heartbreaks & darkness in my soul. I cried out torn by an Insane love story in which I was the victim & the other was the eternal heartbreaker. Wait a minute!  Rewind…  How many hearts have I broken myself?  In the selfishness of my egotistical relationships drama do I ever think about those who may be the victims?  And you do you ever put yourself in the shoes of those you may have hurt.  Do you think about that guy who loved you that you tried loving and left just because you never fell in love with him? You remember his name?  Have you ever felt any compassion for his pain?  I didn’t. I just moved on carelessly & felt like I was right because I didn’t love him.  

What about that amazing guy who made a small mistake but you just couldn’t forgive him in the name of your misled & misplaced pride.  

You are not the only one worthy of forgiveness. 

So this it the other way round. They may call it Karma. I just call it life path.  That path is not easy to walk and we must not only be self centered & self conscious but we must also care about those who love us.  How many friends have we hurt knowingly or unknowingly?  Did we even try to understand the why & how? 

I tried to dig inside my selfish self & managed to remember the hearts I may have broken , torn or bruised:   Family members, friends or lovers?  It is not a very agreeable exercise but I realized it helps.  Hurting hurts & feeling uneasy about what we did confirms it wasn’t right. What doesn’t feel good and right is generally bad & wrong.  We are not just the result of our pains. We are also the product of our guilt trips.  To all the hearts I may have broken consciously or unconsciously FOrgive me as I am working towards self forgiveness. It is not about stating excuses or giving explanations but just about consciously acknowledging that I am not nicer than those who have hurt me.  I am also responsible for some pains & some people think about me as the person who killed their hopes at a given time in life.  I had to unlove them then for some reasons that seemed valid to me at that time.  Exactly the same way, those who hurt me had to do so to find their own peace of mind when it happened.  I replaced blame shifting ,  guilt tripping & remorses with responsibility. And here I am before the world finding peace in awareness & taking responsibility for hearts broken on my life path.  

Peace Love & Light.  It is never the end as long as you breathe. 

Be Empowered because you are powerful. 

Naboulove

Break-up or Start-up? by NabouLove

Break -up or Start-up?

Part one: Break-up.

Tears of sorrow and bitterness, pain, anger, humiliation , that is what you are feeling down deep inside: You have been dumped, erased, avoided, left by a man you praised, loved, cherished! Yes!!! YOU ; the beauty Queen, sexy in Black, the cutie pie , Miss “Am so sure of myself” a.k.a “Super Executive Lady”… It shook you like an unexpected earthquake; you still haven’t realized it’s real.

Not a single sign of distress, everything seemed so perfect between you and Mr “Fiancé to be”. You are reviewing events in your head, the dinner you had together few days ago in the latest French Gastronomy restaurant followed by a night to remember, foreplays, orgasms, pleasure, everything was on top. And now blank. No news, no calls. Your emails, text messages, phone calls neither are answered to nor returned. You attempted a visit to his office, where his secretary told you with a funny look on her face (like someone had died in your family) that Mr Z, your Fiancé to be, went on a short trip to Abuja. Same reaction & answer from his houseboy, when you swallowed the little pride you had left in stock to go to his home.

Hundreds of questions going through your mind: WHY? Why doesn’t he call me? Why does he avoid me? Why this? Why that?  WHAT? What did I do wrong? What happened to our relationship, to us? What the hell is going on? Endless what? How? How come I didn’t notice anything? How can he treat me like that? How..?

Question mark

You then decide to call his sister looking for answers. She sounds even more shocked than you and adds to your pain. She is surprised as the day before he left on his mission, she was teasing him about you , & he told her that he will soon make the big jump! Your hope is revived. Maybe he is playing Mr. Big in Sex & the City stepping back a little? Comforted by her words, you re-text, re-call, re-mail, re-phone, still Nothing. No answer, just a big silent hole. In your life  & in the middle of your heart. You are heartbroken, about to lose your mind, somewhat lost in translation.

In all that confusion (internal), you forgot to question his best Buddy, so once again you put your pride aside, and call. No answer. Just a text back: “Excuse me dear, am in a meeting” your reply: a depressed “ok”. Your thoughts are wandering again and tears are rolling down your cheeks while questions are harassing your mind once more : “Why is life so unfair?”, After the what happened , how could he do that to me and why is this happening to me,  you are getting to the “ what did I do wrong?”; “ I am worthless”, you are now about to loose your self esteem. Lady you didn’t do anything wrong at all,  your vision of the relationship you had with Mr coward –too afraid to face you- was blurred by LOVE ( and at times love is blind, isn’it?).

Now , what’s next? You call your sistafriend, tell her the story, cry all your tears, spite all your venom (yes!!! you have become a scorned woman), and more tears. You can’t call your parents, they didn’t really like that dandy, smoothie, velvety, too good to be true. Remember? The first time Mum met him she told you he smelled sooo fake. From that day, you never gave her another chance to meet him alone unless in a large family gathering or big events. No, no, no. You refuse to go to work tomorrow. You call your office and search for all the Leonidas, Mars, M&M’s, ice cream or junk food you can find and you start stuffing yourself like a goose whilst crying in front of pretty woman , that you have been watching for the 200th time, and cry again….

To be continued

©Nabou Love 2009

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