Archives pour la catégorie What men want in a awoman…


Always wondered why men are always looking for a new fling? And this applies to all of them regardless of race, religion, culture, etc. However, most of the men from the southern hemisphere have similarities in behavior, and I am sure most of you wonder why?  I have got an answer: it could be the combination of Red Pepper also called chili, sun, music &…. Ok I am not being serious; It’s more  a matter of cultural background combined with education and customs. Usually the cliché is soooo caricatured: describing all African men as polygamists and African women as submissive and using charms to keep their men…

I have to admit that a good hot pepper soup could please a man while he enjoys it but one might need more than that to have him happy at home –this is addressed to those who have issues in their couple-. As a matter of fact all my grandfathers had several wives and all my grandmothers had more than one husband -let me explain one was a widow and remarried and the other one got married 3 times-. That was the picture in those days. But you can’t extract a tooth from a gum without pain, the same way that you can’t just decide that because we have been under European influence we should change our customs and follow those of the others. Our parents fought for Independence but we inherited from a confused culture: claiming to be African but willing to live under European rules. I want to emphasize here on the fact that polygamy is not a Muslim exclusivity but more an African custom shared from East to West and North to South of the continent. Obviously Men claim they can love several women at once and satisfy them equally, theoretically of course.

 In spite of having more than one officially endorsed wife, men will still chase other women who will appear unreachable yet so attractive. Why is that? A loving and caring husband to his wife can be an insatiable womanizer before the eyes of the world. And believe me or not it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love & respect his wife…He just needs variety, action, excitement. Beware because that fun could turn into a more serious relationship and an occasional girlfriend could in the long run become an official mistress or an extra wife. I am sure that the question you are asking now is how?

              Quite easily indeed, if the couple is going through some turmoil & the wife is being aggressive and stressful, the man will tend to avoid his home & run to a comfort zone. If the wife is in an endless exile to Europe or America – yes African women love those exile for health, war or kid’s educations !- & the empty hole left by the companion will be slowly but surely filled by the most fitted of the girlfriends i.e. the more patient & caring. And sisters don’t be shocked if he added another woman in your relationship, you chose to be away, & there is a price to pay for it.  If you are not anymore the woman he fell in love with but turned into a complaining & jealous witch.  And I know you know when the rules of the game change on the way, you either pretend, decide to live your life or fight to restore the right balance in your relationship. The choice is yours. Please avoid the gossipers, always ready to feed you with the latest news about your alter ego , unless you are strong enough , which I doubt, & listen to your heart.

              Maybe not the emotional side of your heart but the intuitive voice suggesting ideas to you that you hardly listen to…. Listen to your inner voice. Question yourself , review your attitude towards your companion, You are not going to change the Brother but you can create the atmosphere that will keep him to yourself. Enjoy each moment spent with him & stop asking to yourself what he is doing when not with you. If you can’t take his attitude, then stop complaining & walk away. If you think you can cope with the whole thing, then enjoy your relationship to the fullest.

           What about STD’s? Am sure you must be rolling your eyes thinking  I am an unconscious sister. What can a woman do about a cheating fellah that doesn’t  even cover himself when he goes out in the play field, exposing your lives? Nothing. Apart from talking to him, buying him condoms & reminding him the risks of Aids . What I personally do is I remind him the names of beauty queens who were diagnosed HIV positive. Our men often come back home with a baby and I think that’s a blessing because it could have been an STD…

I haven’t given an answer because I have none to give clearly, apart from the fact that women can fight temptation whereas men follow temptation more easily. A one night stand is not easy to deal with for a woman, when for a man it’s just another successful chase. So this is just my hot chili pepper soup to you, a little bit of this, a little bit of that and I can’t wait to read your reactions.

©NabouLove 2009.