Archives pour la catégorie NabouLove

DON’T MISS THE START!

There is a new glow on your face, your eyes are shining, you irradiate happiness, smiling for no reason, unlike the 6 previous months. It seems like you have a man in your bed oooh sorry I meant in your life! The magic and the spark of a new relationship is showing all over your face. Please Madam leave the moon for a second, Stop floating on your fantasy filled cloud & come back  to reality , wake up before you repeat the mistakes of the past and take action so that you don’t fail to achieve a solid relationship. Once the  magic fades. It is like in a marathon, you should set the pace from the start in order to find the rhythm that will keep you fit and running on a long distance. So before it’s too late, set the right pace not to miss the start of your fresh relationship. I gathered this list from my personal experience, as well as from exchanging with friends from both genders. Feel free to enrich if you feel something is missing. So here we go:
1-set clear rules outlining the limits for each of you
2-express your expectations with words (your wants and needs)
3- say it when you  are unhappy
4-start what you can finish (if you cook chef dinner every day you can never go back so beware!)
5-listen to your heart (don’t shut your inner voice, your feminine intuition has a way of sending signals you shouldn’t underestimate)
6-you are in love then show appreciation (it is not about saying I love you every second though)
7-only show your good side (if you stay together long enough if he will your other side)
8-Concentrate on his good side but keep an eye on eventual unacceptable traits (physical abuse , serial cheater…)
8-be a woman of interior ( create a homely cosy atmosphere)
9-have listening ear ,observing eyes and a shut mouth (best way to know him better)
10-anticipate his needs and wants (don’t overdo it though be moderate and balanced in your ways)
11-first time sex might not be good so don’t judge or give up, learn to know each other sexually
12-don’t show to much independence, let him be in charge, don’t be afraid to need him
13-Don’t let your world revolve around him! Live your life outside the « two of you ».
14-give him some space (don’t call him every hour please!)
15-don’t accept the unacceptable (you deserve respect)
16-don’t leave a third party in between you (already have communication issues?)
17-don’t rush to meet his mother or introduce yours yet ! (Wait a month at least)
18-be a reliable woman, a man needs a supportive partner, I didn’t say be his slave though!
19-don’t show up untidy or messy
20-keep your feminine secrets (who cares about your vaginal discharges and your pill history?)
21-don’t disclose  your friends’ dirty secrets ( he might believe yours are equally dirty)
22-Don’t let him control you emotionally, financially or physically &don’t be controlling
23-stop pretending you don’t care when it hurts, either you say it or you get over it if you keep silent
24-forget about your ex’s and don’t mention him/them (this might be used against you in a near future)
25-give him the benefit of the doubt unless proven otherwise
26-be unpredictable
27-remember: you are not always write on everything so cut the crap once in a while.
28-let him feel he controls things while u are the master of the game
29-Never ever humiliate him in public ( or even in private), address your issues to him in a mature way
30-Don’t move in or let him move in..
31-stay away from shower cap, face mask, grandma style wrapper when he is around if it works out you will have a lifetime to show your natural self
32-learn to respect his silence, you don’t have to fill the space it with words all the time (Still working on that one myself)
33-listen more than you talk
34-Don’t nag or complain… yet
35-let go off fear, if you did your best and he goes then he just doesn’t deserve you so cry a day or two and move on

No matter how far you have gotten  in your relationship , it is never too late to try to fix oneself and improve the current state of your love affair. Pick whatever item that might apply to your current situation and make the shift. What it takes is just to accept as Ghandi states it so well  » to be the change you want to see in the world ». Even though things are always  wonderful in the start never lose sight that « the same causes create the same effects », so Lady it is time to take the bull by the horn and make this work!
Xoxo
2011©Naboulove

Réveillez votre capital Sensualité à la Saint-Valentin !

 C’est le mois des zamours ! Passée la déprime de Janvier on attaque enfin le premier événement fun de l’année! La

copyright Kabibi

Saint-Valentin. Que vous soyez Célibattante ,Mariée ou en couple, c’est l’occasion de réveiller votre Capital « Séductrice ». J’entends déjà ma copine Gina, me demander Pour qui ? je n’ai personne à séduire. Ou ma cousine se plaindre «  Mon mari ne croit pas à ces histoires de Mundélés »… Et vous que croyez-vous ? Pour qui vous rendez-vous belle et désirable, si ce n’est d’abord pour vous-même et votre estime de soi. Qui a envie d’approcher une femme qui ne respire pas l’assurance ? –J’ai bien dit assurance les filles pas arrogance-. En tout cas pas les gagnants. Alors servez-vous de cette « Fêtes » importée des Etats-Unis comme d’une excuse pour d’abord un rendez-vous avec vous-même et si vous êtes en duo, créez l’évènement en pimentant le quotidien.

Un rendez vous avec soi
Que vous soyez seule ou accompagnée dans la vie, faites de la période de la Saint-Valentin une occasion pour vous pomponnez, vous câlinez et vous sentir belle. Le soin du visage repoussé depuis Novembre faute de temps, le tatouage des sourcils qui vous fait si envie mais que vous n’osiez pas faire, cette séance au Hammam dont vous rêvez mais que vous mettez toujours au lendemain. Kinshasa regorge d’instituts dédiés tout aussi bien au bien être qu’à la beauté de la femme. Alors revalorisez-vous et poussez les portes de ceux-ci pour votre plaisir. Réconciliez-vous avec votre aura sensuelle.

Cette année le Jour V aura lieu un lundi alors créez un événement entre filles, de préférence un lunch ou un brunch le samedi ou le dimanche précèdent . Des retrouvailles entre amies – mariées ou pas- sont toujours des évènements ponctués d’éclats  de rire et d’anecdotes croustillantes. Faites vous belles, de la tête aux pieds , habillez vous chic mais pas choc, et  surtout amusez vous, riez , blaguez et surtout soyez séductrice et séduisante, car vous ne savez jamais ou se cache l’homme de vos fantasmes les plus fous!

Un Duo Explosif
Vous êtes en couple, alors sortez de l’ordinaire lors de la traditionnelle sortie au restaurant ; que vous allez enflammer avec des petits plus: des sms chauds et coquins du type :« devine la couleur de mes dessous » ; le pied baladeur sous la table ;le regard de braise ; les clins d’œil suggestifs etc. Et ne vous laissez pas décourager par les moqueries de votre homme. Car malgré son sourire narquois, il adore ça et n’attends qu’une seule chose : se retrouver seul avec vous. Le cadeau n’est pas obligatoire, mais vous pouvez lui offrir  une belle carte et y écrire la liste de vos envies ou fantasme du jour.

 

Home sweet Home
Il ne veut pas sortir ? Alors ne vous découragez pas , soit vous lui préparez un bon repas pour deux , soit vous faites appel à un traiteur en sortant du travail. Faites vous une belle table à la maison , avec un bouquet de fleur, une belle nape, quelques bougies de couleurs, et dinez en tête à tête. N’hésitez pas à sortir vos dessous affriolants et  vos épices de femmes : Une nuisette, un collier de reins, une bougie parfumée, des accessoires coquins et câlins feront la différence ! Une nouvelle senteur plus chaude ambrée, musquée ou fruitée fera chavirer ses sens. Au son d’une musique suggestive, pourquoi pas « sexual healing » de Marvin Gaye ,une rumba langoureuse de Koffi ou une Morna voluptueuse de Cesaria Evora , guidez le ce soir la, soyez sensuelle et maitresse. Après le diner, vous pouvez le faire danser dans l’intimité de votre chambre et ensuite lui offrir un moment de détente inhabituel avec une huile de massage aux effluves de lavande ou de Néroli. N’ayez pas peur de lui susurrer des mots crus, et des mots doux, l’un après l’autre. Montrez lui une facette insoupçonnable et inavouée de votre personnalité. Surprenez le par votre creativité en l’embrassant à des endroits insolites. Décuplez  les sensations en le  caressant le avec un foulard en soie , un bout de coton, une plume! Ou en lui bandant les yeux ! Laissez vous allez sans avoir peur de sa réaction. Vous êtes seuls au monde, libre de vos préjugés alors laissez-vous aller complètement, chassez vos appréhensions et vivez cette soirée comme un moment de folie douce.

Maintenant que vous vous êtes réconcilié avec votre capital sensualité et séduction, entretenez le tout au long de l’année pour le plus grand bonheur de votre partenaire. Je vous souhaite une  torride Saint-Valentin !!

© Naboulove  article paru dans Kabibi Mag fev 2011

A Courageous Woman

To Bigue Diallo my grandmother I never met.

Once a friend of mine was describing someone as a courageous woman:  » she has buses and she is doing her business  » hmmmm is that so courageous! Everyday on my way to work I meet courageous mothers carrying a load of bread on their head with 2 small kids hanging by their sides. The lady selling a banana on a table or puff puff to feed her family. Those who dare walking miles to sell their fruits just to maintain their dignity.Not beggers. We certainly are courageous but how far could we walk if we had no chauffeur driven cars under the African heat? Yesterday, in my office, no electricity and the generator was down. All i could do is complain of the heat. Me courageous? Had to climb the 5 floors but gave my computer to someone to carry. More spoilt than strong we are for sure. Investigate in ur family background, remember ur Mum or Grandma. I know for a fact that my Grandmother was a business woman in the the 1940’s’and had a. Milk shop by the US embassy in Dakar. She was walking with her load and sell her Milk like a fulani warrior from dawn to dusk. She has had 3 husbands meaning she wouldn’t take BS « yeah I said it » from anyone! Yes I am proud of being the eldest granddaughter alive of this strong Courageous woman named Bigue Diallo and I carry her legcy everywhere I go. My grand mother had 6 kids from her 3 different husbands.And her daughters are strong determined mothers who raised us to face life realities.So to our grand mothers,Mothers, aunties who sell,walk,carry,cook,pound, in order to give their children education, I dedicate this post.Everytime you see yourself as a « courageous woman » look around you,there is a lady sitting by the roadside trying to sell a fruit,a cake,a bread to earn the few dollars needed to keep her head up.

Naboulove

The taboo partners , relationships to avoid:

                   This is a tough one, for sure. I can see you smile while reading the title & thinking aloud WHAT THE F.? Being a teenager I remember my mother telling me  » Men will try to sleep with you regardless of who they are, you have the choice to say « NO » . I didn’t really get it then, until I came across some of my parents close friends who were hitting on me. It became clear that they had no respect for my parents or themselves & I started avoiding some of them without telling my Mum why. Love is beautiful , love is fearless , love makes you feel stronger. But obviously what I was running away from was lust.

 What differentiates us human from animals are the rules & boundaries set by the society. And no matter how free & open one can be, I believe in Taboo Men, those you should never have an affair or a relationship with. STOP the bullshit of  » I am in love », Unless you are ready to enter a self destructive circle & bear the consequences. So Life is not a soap opera & being addicted to one of them for the last Mmm let’s say 20 something years, really is an inspiration of what not to do. But these Taboos don’t apply only to women but also to men. So let’s browse & have a look:

Taboo 1: YOUR INLAWS  i.e. your sister’s husband or your brother’s wife (& we all know that bros & sisters means a lot of people in Africa). I would even push to say wife’s mum (yes Musa even if she is a Cougar ) or your Husband’s Dad (even if he is a Head of state ), stop sign is written all over their faces so don’t even try. And all affiliates to these latters are concerned so don’t pretend.LOOL.

Taboo 2: YOUR STEP relatives , there is Sister in steo-sister & there is brother in step-brother , as well as Mum & Dad in step-Mum & step-Dad so shift your fantasies away.

Taboo 3: YOUR MARRIED colleagues .Hell no! Unless single &   ready to commit. The world is full of men & women willing to have a one night stand so choose yours outside of your office, unless you want to experience a nightmare.. In this category  i also include teachers, students, etc. The world is big enough so save us the drama.

Taboo4: YOUR FRIENDS’ wife or husband. Lord don’t you have limits. No,no,no,no…No comment. Life is not a Soap Opera. It’s real & you shall reap what you sow.

Taboo 5: THE WICKED EX, he/she was wicked then, trust me people don’t change ovenight so move on  or cross the road. Don’t fall in that trap again just because you fee lonely.

Did I forget Anyone here? I am sure you must be thinking about the married man/woman but that you already know, so you don’t need a reminder. But it’s   »better »  ( dont get me wrong i dont advocate that) to deal with a random « married » person than with any of those falling in the Taboo list. So Ladies & Gentlemen you are not Brooke & Ridge so Behave yourselves.

Until next time. Xoxo.

copyright Naboulove 2010

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Nanowrimo then what?

Finally I did it , I completed my 50000 words without finishing my novel. But still feel good about having met the goal assigned. What’s my next step. As I have an hyperactive mind , hardly able to concentrate on one thing, constantly multi tasking , I stopped novel writing for 2 weeks, leaving my blog reader angry https://naboulove.wordpress.com but promising myself to finsh the current novel I post weekly on my site (in french sorry) . I have promised my future editor to review the manuscripts I have completed 10 years ago & kept in my closte. I wasn’t ready then for my coming out as a possible WRITER. But time is passing by & I have to live my passion, even though , my work is also a passion to me – you see I am hyper & have attention disorder-. Anyway, i felt relieved to have kept my pace, writing averyday a bit following a regular pace.So now let’s go back to the priorities:
1-Finish novel 2 for online readers by mid January (InshAllah)-.
2-Edit & Rewrite Novel 1 for the what ? 4th times…
3-Finish NanoNovel some time next year or simultaneously..

In the meantime, still run my business & take care of home . Reminds you of someone. OOh you? Yep welcome to the busy mums club & loving it. So I still have 2 poetry books ready for publishing, one in French & one in English. All this is part of my coming out…

Wish me good Luck coz As busy as I might seem, I am a quite a professional procrastinator…

Merry XMAS folks..