Archives pour la catégorie NabouLove

Le DROIT DE NE PLUS AIMER

Ma cousine m’a écrit hier soir. Elle est  dégoûtée,  dépitée,  déçue, démoralisée et brisée. Cet homme avec qui elle pensait construire sa vie ne partage pas les mêmes rêves qu’elle, ni les mêmes objectifs de vie. En colère,  frustrée et amère,  elle me confie  sa douleur, une plaie béante au  cœur. Je connais trop bien cette sensation de fin du monde où notre existence semble s’écrouler et nos plans tels un  château de cartes détruit par le vent sont éparpillés au sol.  Il (son désormais ex) m’a humilié et ridiculisé devant ma famille et la sienne assène –t-elle avec amertume et colère. 

               Je réfléchis à ce que je pourrais lui dire pour la consoler. En mon fort intérieur j’ai envie de lui dire une seule chose : une personne peut arrêter de nous aimer et cela ne fait pas d’elle un monstre où une mauvaise personne. Le privilège de la maturité, de l’expérience et des chagrins : j’ai appris que l’amour ne se force pas. Certes il s’entretient, se construit  et grandit mais seulement s’il existe une graine.  Mais il peut arriver, qu’il grandisse et s’arrête un jour. Dans la souffrance, j’ai réalisé que les gens pouvaient arrêter de m’aimer tout autant que je pouvais  arrêter de les aimer. « Happily ever after » formule erronée qui a induit en erreur des générations d’amoureux en les guidant aveuglément vers un chemin de rêves et d’espoirs brisés par une réalité pénible. On nous  a tellement appris à vivre à travers l’amour des autres que sans cet amour on pense être détestable.Erreur. Nous existions avant cet amour et nous existerons après.      

               Une personne a le droit de ne plus nous aimer et cela ne diminue en rien notre valeur, on ne brille pas moins parce que quelqu’un ne nous aime plus  et on ne doit pas arrêter de savourer la vie juste à cause d’une histoire d’amour interrompue. Arrêter d’être aimée ce n’est pas la fin d’une vie. Certes c’est déchirant et déprimant  mais souvent je pense que ce sont plus nos égos que nos émotions qui sont blessés. 

               Nous avons été conditionnés pour attendre cet amour de l’autre et des signes standards nous ont été  enseignés : battements de cœur effrénés, émotions complexes et désordonnées, désorientation et complicité amoureuse.  Ces moments où l’on se retrouve dans l’autre : miroir où pièce manquante de notre puzzle existentiel. Et là ce sont des longues périodes d’échanges intenses, des heures passées à se raconter intimement, des bonjours et des bonnes nuits romancées, des conversations exaltantes et même de belles disputes où incompréhension et désir de réconciliation se mêlent.  Ah c’est donc ça l’amour ? Deux âmes qui se retrouvent et se reconnaissent. On se met alors à concevoir la  vie à deux, de voyages merveilleux loin du quotidien, d’enfants qui nous ressembleraient, d’union fastueuse, de projets communs. On s’idéalise mutuellement et on refuse de voir l’autre imparfait. Si je l’aime et qu’il ou elle m’aime c’est que nous sommes parfaits l’un pour l’autre.

               Chemin faisant, pour certains quelques jours intenses, pour d’autres des mois de découvertes  et même des années de vie commune, on se réveille un matin. Ce jour fatal où l’autre nous a tourné le dos, quand nous même nous cherchons à partir loin de cet amour mourant. Ne plus aimer où ne plus être aimé ne transforme pas la personne qui n’aime plus  en un monstre sans cœur. C’est juste un humain qui a terminé son chemin avec nous. La vie doit  continuer avec nous-même.  Effrayante perspective pour beaucoup d’entre nous. Se retrouver seul sans l’autre. Devoir exister en dehors de l’idée de couple. Ce n’est pas la fin du monde ! Mais plutôt une opportunité de faire l’expérience de soi, de son malaise. C’est un moment d’intimité avec soi qui va nous grandir et nous rappeler que nous avons tant besoin de nous même avant de vouloir un Autre .

               C’est ainsi que je compris que ne plus m’aimer ne me diminuait en rien  mais c’était au contraire une chance pour grandir et me construire pour devenir la personne que je dois être, prête à accueillir avec sérénité les belles opportunités qu’offre la vie. 

               Certaines histoires d’amour doivent se terminer et ce qui compte c’est d’en sauvegarder les beaux souvenirs et les douces sensations.

 « Be Empowered because you are powerful »

 ©Naboulove

17/10/2018

There is strenght in weakness… 

You dont have to be always Strong, there is strenght in weakness. 

Life is a cycle with ups & down, a war front where we face daily challenges & overcome struggles.  They can be the loss of a loved one, a break Up, a necessary change of lifestyle , the  fight for survival , a chronic disease…
 It Has been a cliché to praise strong women & men , to do the apology of emotionless super heroes and forget that after all, we are all so human, So vulnerable,  So sensitive & breakable.   I think the trend pushing us into pretending to be strong & unbreakable is the greatest disease of our Times . We refrain from crying, avoid showing our heartaches & ignore the healing process attached to any brutal event that May affect our lives. Emotionally we need to allow ourselves to go through the process that will lead us to acceptance. Instead of doing so, we shut our feelings, pretend to be fine,  fake happiness & move on , unaware that we are broken inside. And unknowingly, ONE Day we have symptoms of PTSD (post traumatric stress disorder) caused by the absence of grieving from a traumatizing experience. Myself ,I have often appeared as being the Strong woman , the leading sister in control, seemingly happy & smiling through hell . I was taught that a strong woman keeps her pain to herself. I was raised as a Fulani not to show off my emotions & feelings & never to expose my weaknesses.  But life has taught me a different lesson:  I have come to realize that being down & low is a strenght that will allow me to heal properly , to have thinner scars , to repair the broken parts of me. Skipping that stage is what contributes to Create nervous breakdown,  bitterness & a feeling of unhappiness that can’t be explained or defined . Go back to your abandonned heartaches, list them, face them, evaluate their level of healing, act upon them , grieve, hate , cry, then soothe, forgive & start healing by mending your open scars. All the wounds you left open inside you, that may affect Your emotional well Being , allow them to be closed & heal as needed . Talk to whoever you need to , forget about the African « What People would think » drama ,after all they are as human & vulnerable as you are, ignore the How  society would judge  you » & share your suffering . If It means talking to a shrink , do It. If It means crying in the arms of your mother or siblings, do it, however you need to let It Out, just do It. Dont Keep that poison inside you , let It flow, let It build you, let It strenghten you , then you will be ready to move on permanently. 
Beware,  I Never said you should mourn forever but give It a timeframe that will allow you to come out of it refreshed not broken into pieces. We are not super heroes of fiction with magic Powers that Will Help us heal in minutes , We are just humans regardless of our age, position or gender , We have feelings , We have weaknesses, We have empathy & we cannot shut our human side in the name of appearing strong for the sake of appearances. 

Be empowered by your weaknesses 
Naboulove 

To the hearts I have broken : please forgive me. 

​I spent so much time in pain dwelling  about heartbreaks & darkness in my soul. I cried out torn by an Insane love story in which I was the victim & the other was the eternal heartbreaker. Wait a minute!  Rewind…  How many hearts have I broken myself?  In the selfishness of my egotistical relationships drama do I ever think about those who may be the victims?  And you do you ever put yourself in the shoes of those you may have hurt.  Do you think about that guy who loved you that you tried loving and left just because you never fell in love with him? You remember his name?  Have you ever felt any compassion for his pain?  I didn’t. I just moved on carelessly & felt like I was right because I didn’t love him.  

What about that amazing guy who made a small mistake but you just couldn’t forgive him in the name of your misled & misplaced pride.  

You are not the only one worthy of forgiveness. 

So this it the other way round. They may call it Karma. I just call it life path.  That path is not easy to walk and we must not only be self centered & self conscious but we must also care about those who love us.  How many friends have we hurt knowingly or unknowingly?  Did we even try to understand the why & how? 

I tried to dig inside my selfish self & managed to remember the hearts I may have broken , torn or bruised:   Family members, friends or lovers?  It is not a very agreeable exercise but I realized it helps.  Hurting hurts & feeling uneasy about what we did confirms it wasn’t right. What doesn’t feel good and right is generally bad & wrong.  We are not just the result of our pains. We are also the product of our guilt trips.  To all the hearts I may have broken consciously or unconsciously FOrgive me as I am working towards self forgiveness. It is not about stating excuses or giving explanations but just about consciously acknowledging that I am not nicer than those who have hurt me.  I am also responsible for some pains & some people think about me as the person who killed their hopes at a given time in life.  I had to unlove them then for some reasons that seemed valid to me at that time.  Exactly the same way, those who hurt me had to do so to find their own peace of mind when it happened.  I replaced blame shifting ,  guilt tripping & remorses with responsibility. And here I am before the world finding peace in awareness & taking responsibility for hearts broken on my life path.  

Peace Love & Light.  It is never the end as long as you breathe. 

Be Empowered because you are powerful. 

Naboulove

HAPPY NEW YOU 2013!

We thank God , we survived wars, shootings, accidents, floods, Mayan predictions, our neighbours’ loud music, etc. It may sound funny but it is not for each minute of life we have is a blessing. We may be hurt, scorned, depressed, lonely, or none of the above, whatever counts is being ALIVE. So let’s make the most of this coming year by being OURSELVES as much as we can, move on & up as far as we allow ourselves to go & don’t withhold on who you are no matter what. Lire la suite HAPPY NEW YOU 2013!

Naboulove Power Series 7-There Is So Much Power In Faith

 

“None of us knows what might happen even the next minute, yet still we go forward. Because we trust. Because we have Faith.”  Paulo Coelho
Faith is believing without seeing, trusting without knowing, cultivating an inner feeling of peace, knowing that no matter what, as long as we move, even if we stumble upon something or fall into pieces, eventually God will lift us up. Faith has so many faces, names, etc. Kids hv faith in their parents, trusting them to guide them support them & lead them into life. But most parents hv God whatever their religion is, to enlighten them & guide them to raise proper men & women. Faith moves mountain. As a matter of fact if u believe in yourself sincerely, you will find in you a strenght that will make u achieve above your expectations. Sincerity in your faith is one of the key to powerful achievements. Steve Jobs never stopped in spite of ups & downs in his career. And Now here we’re all possessed by the Apple logo. Iphone, Ipad, I believe.

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Faith is what turns a singer into a star, a writer into a universal messenger, an ordinary person into doing extraordinary things. But don’t be fooled or naïve faith comes with movement, « keep on moving don’t stop now » says the song. Faith is about moving, doing, being. To have faith is not compatible with a static state. You can’t walk if you don’t stand up & put one foot after the other. Adversity, hardship, suffering, challenges are part our life. If the majority didn’t have faith at all, we would undergo collective suicide rituals. Overlook the discomfort & keep on believing without forgetting a discerning attitude. To hv faith is also to aknowledge our mistakes, correct them or realize we are on the wrong path & look for a better way. As we know all now life is the path not the destination. So let’s make it a power path with a faith as strong a mustard seed to move the mountains on our way. Practice, patience, passion & persistence will strengthen your faith along the road . Read the signs, but keep on believing you can fly & touch the sky as long as you are moving.
“Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety or the handle of faith.”Henry Ward Beecher

©Naboulove