Archives pour la catégorie I love Me

Le DROIT DE NE PLUS AIMER

Ma cousine m’a écrit hier soir. Elle est  dégoûtée,  dépitée,  déçue, démoralisée et brisée. Cet homme avec qui elle pensait construire sa vie ne partage pas les mêmes rêves qu’elle, ni les mêmes objectifs de vie. En colère,  frustrée et amère,  elle me confie  sa douleur, une plaie béante au  cœur. Je connais trop bien cette sensation de fin du monde où notre existence semble s’écrouler et nos plans tels un  château de cartes détruit par le vent sont éparpillés au sol.  Il (son désormais ex) m’a humilié et ridiculisé devant ma famille et la sienne assène –t-elle avec amertume et colère. 

               Je réfléchis à ce que je pourrais lui dire pour la consoler. En mon fort intérieur j’ai envie de lui dire une seule chose : une personne peut arrêter de nous aimer et cela ne fait pas d’elle un monstre où une mauvaise personne. Le privilège de la maturité, de l’expérience et des chagrins : j’ai appris que l’amour ne se force pas. Certes il s’entretient, se construit  et grandit mais seulement s’il existe une graine.  Mais il peut arriver, qu’il grandisse et s’arrête un jour. Dans la souffrance, j’ai réalisé que les gens pouvaient arrêter de m’aimer tout autant que je pouvais  arrêter de les aimer. « Happily ever after » formule erronée qui a induit en erreur des générations d’amoureux en les guidant aveuglément vers un chemin de rêves et d’espoirs brisés par une réalité pénible. On nous  a tellement appris à vivre à travers l’amour des autres que sans cet amour on pense être détestable.Erreur. Nous existions avant cet amour et nous existerons après.      

               Une personne a le droit de ne plus nous aimer et cela ne diminue en rien notre valeur, on ne brille pas moins parce que quelqu’un ne nous aime plus  et on ne doit pas arrêter de savourer la vie juste à cause d’une histoire d’amour interrompue. Arrêter d’être aimée ce n’est pas la fin d’une vie. Certes c’est déchirant et déprimant  mais souvent je pense que ce sont plus nos égos que nos émotions qui sont blessés. 

               Nous avons été conditionnés pour attendre cet amour de l’autre et des signes standards nous ont été  enseignés : battements de cœur effrénés, émotions complexes et désordonnées, désorientation et complicité amoureuse.  Ces moments où l’on se retrouve dans l’autre : miroir où pièce manquante de notre puzzle existentiel. Et là ce sont des longues périodes d’échanges intenses, des heures passées à se raconter intimement, des bonjours et des bonnes nuits romancées, des conversations exaltantes et même de belles disputes où incompréhension et désir de réconciliation se mêlent.  Ah c’est donc ça l’amour ? Deux âmes qui se retrouvent et se reconnaissent. On se met alors à concevoir la  vie à deux, de voyages merveilleux loin du quotidien, d’enfants qui nous ressembleraient, d’union fastueuse, de projets communs. On s’idéalise mutuellement et on refuse de voir l’autre imparfait. Si je l’aime et qu’il ou elle m’aime c’est que nous sommes parfaits l’un pour l’autre.

               Chemin faisant, pour certains quelques jours intenses, pour d’autres des mois de découvertes  et même des années de vie commune, on se réveille un matin. Ce jour fatal où l’autre nous a tourné le dos, quand nous même nous cherchons à partir loin de cet amour mourant. Ne plus aimer où ne plus être aimé ne transforme pas la personne qui n’aime plus  en un monstre sans cœur. C’est juste un humain qui a terminé son chemin avec nous. La vie doit  continuer avec nous-même.  Effrayante perspective pour beaucoup d’entre nous. Se retrouver seul sans l’autre. Devoir exister en dehors de l’idée de couple. Ce n’est pas la fin du monde ! Mais plutôt une opportunité de faire l’expérience de soi, de son malaise. C’est un moment d’intimité avec soi qui va nous grandir et nous rappeler que nous avons tant besoin de nous même avant de vouloir un Autre .

               C’est ainsi que je compris que ne plus m’aimer ne me diminuait en rien  mais c’était au contraire une chance pour grandir et me construire pour devenir la personne que je dois être, prête à accueillir avec sérénité les belles opportunités qu’offre la vie. 

               Certaines histoires d’amour doivent se terminer et ce qui compte c’est d’en sauvegarder les beaux souvenirs et les douces sensations.

 « Be Empowered because you are powerful »

 ©Naboulove

17/10/2018

Naboulove Power Series 7-There Is So Much Power In Faith

 

“None of us knows what might happen even the next minute, yet still we go forward. Because we trust. Because we have Faith.”  Paulo Coelho
Faith is believing without seeing, trusting without knowing, cultivating an inner feeling of peace, knowing that no matter what, as long as we move, even if we stumble upon something or fall into pieces, eventually God will lift us up. Faith has so many faces, names, etc. Kids hv faith in their parents, trusting them to guide them support them & lead them into life. But most parents hv God whatever their religion is, to enlighten them & guide them to raise proper men & women. Faith moves mountain. As a matter of fact if u believe in yourself sincerely, you will find in you a strenght that will make u achieve above your expectations. Sincerity in your faith is one of the key to powerful achievements. Steve Jobs never stopped in spite of ups & downs in his career. And Now here we’re all possessed by the Apple logo. Iphone, Ipad, I believe.

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Faith is what turns a singer into a star, a writer into a universal messenger, an ordinary person into doing extraordinary things. But don’t be fooled or naïve faith comes with movement, « keep on moving don’t stop now » says the song. Faith is about moving, doing, being. To have faith is not compatible with a static state. You can’t walk if you don’t stand up & put one foot after the other. Adversity, hardship, suffering, challenges are part our life. If the majority didn’t have faith at all, we would undergo collective suicide rituals. Overlook the discomfort & keep on believing without forgetting a discerning attitude. To hv faith is also to aknowledge our mistakes, correct them or realize we are on the wrong path & look for a better way. As we know all now life is the path not the destination. So let’s make it a power path with a faith as strong a mustard seed to move the mountains on our way. Practice, patience, passion & persistence will strengthen your faith along the road . Read the signs, but keep on believing you can fly & touch the sky as long as you are moving.
“Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety or the handle of faith.”Henry Ward Beecher

©Naboulove

Naboulove Power Series 6- Discover Joy In The Power Of Now

NOW

“I don’t live in either my past or my future. I’m interested only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you’ll be a happy man. Life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we’re living now.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist.

Why do we always want to unveil, foresee, know the future? The fear of tomorrow has a right in our lives over the genuine appreciation of today. Fortune tellers will hate me today but let’s face the reality: they mostly sell illusion & comfort using our worries about tomorrow. Even when we claim to be Christians or Muslims we fall in the trap of believing another human being can predict our future, when in fact, focusing on today shapes tomorrow.

As a young woman I was always wondering what my future would be like. As a woman, I worry for my kids, my younger siblings, my relatives not even taking the time to enjoy the fact that now they are happy, healthy & alive. We spend so much  time nurturing worries about what will be that we lose contact with what is. but I don’t think about their current state but mostly about what will happen tomorrow.

So how do we stop or at least reduce our  projections on a hypothetical worrisome future that hasn’t arrived yet? Why do we cultivate stress about what hasn’t yet arrived or what could or might be, when we can just think about now. Focusing on doing our best, being our best Now, ensures a brighter later. As simple as that. Hmmm. Another trick I found out about ,is to develop a constant attitude of gratitude for what we have or experience at each moment, instead of complaining about what we would like to have tomorrow. How many people have cars, , even a computer & an internet connection from the comfort of their homes right here in Africa? You are realizing how joyful you are & grateful of all these privileges right? Smile then look around you & fill your heart with Joy. Easy, isn’t it?

Also try the movie trick: when you watch a film you follow each detail of the story, don’t you? So try to do the same when you live your life: concentrate on your food when you eat, on your game when you play, on nothing when you chill etc. Remove all those unnecessary thoughts about a future you don’t really have any control upon. It’s week-end so just have fun, relax & forget about the rest.

When it comes to the past, what happened then, however painful or dark it might have been doesn’t define who we are as a person. Each new moment gives us an opportunity to recreate ourselves & make the rest of our lives a positive experience. Whatever you might have done wrong, forgive yourself . If people have hurt you, face the pain & heal with forgiveness towards them. Don’t give the past or the future power over your present. Let the power of Now envelop you fully because tomorrow is another day.

Each time you fall into the past or jump into the future you miss what is going on right now. Right now you have the opportunity to create a fresh new start. Release the past! Receive your good now. Trust that when you reach tomorrow, there will be nothing but good waiting for you. Iyanla Vanzant

Be Empowered Because you are Powerful

©Naboulove

Naboulove power series 5-Few power lifting Questions to assess your life control level

“At  the end of the day, the questions we ask of ourselves determine the type of people that we will become.” ― Leo Babauta

Questions, questions, questions… we hate them when they come from others & we realize that we seldom ask them to ourselves. We are engaged into daily activities, claiming to be busy & so. But really, how many times do we sit back & have that little inner interview that could help us clarify things? Like now I am just in super procrastinating mood…And really I wonder why? Moreover I feel super duper happy just for no reason, so obviously am not procrastinating out of unhappiness but maybe the crazy side of my brain is more active than it should be. Some days are like that in my Nabouworld™. I guess I am not the only one… ANYWAY when I am in discomfort I ask to myself a few set of questions that are not so easy to answer. Yeah we actually lie more to ourselves than to others. FACT. However let me just share with you & the game is yours. It’s strange how simple questions are bound to generate complicating & complicated answers…

 
1-Am I happy?
It sounds simple right. SO answer .Yes OR No .

2-Why am I happy? Why am I not happy?

Reminds me of my philosophy classes in high school with over elaborated definition of happiness. LOL. Keep it simple. Just try & pinpoints the Why yes or Why not. Is it family, work, your health, social environment etc. Make it short , straight to the point. Self diagnose your issues.

3-What is my Life purpose?
Big word again for something that could be simply stated as what would you love doing to feel alive? It is personal & if it’s your kids, your kitchen, your home or any other thing that people could judge trivial & basic , it is your life, your choices, your goals . So forget about the outside world for now & just write it down. It can be the Nobel prize for peace too. Nothing is too small & nothing is too big as long as it makes you feel worthy of living…
4- What makes me happy, Really happy? Just think about every time you have felt happy , really happy. For me I know the day I gave birth to my twins was like the happiest moment in my life. I couldn’t believe I pushed two kids out of my body. It is an overwhelming unforgettable feeling of happiness. Something less grandiose eating crunchy nuts chocolate make me smile, laugh, frill of happiness. So list your moments of happiness & what caused them…

5-What would I do If I wasn’t afraid? Lawd me God! In my Jamaican creole voice… I would go to India , learn Ayurveda, then go to Bali with my kids. And also maybe I would write erotic fiction, really hot one & sign with my own name. I would maybe move to my village home, & write all the time. I would take my kids out of conventional school & find new ways of learning for them. I sound really mad… Just list it…

6-What are my greatest fears?  Waouw not easy to really pinpoint them but mostly the fears in general are: lack of means, fear to lose a family member, fear of society’s judgment, fear of pain, fear of failure, fear of starting all over…etc. What stops us is in general fear of leaving our comfort zone. Do your own equation here mine is already giving me headaches.
7-Do I love myself? The famous Self love matter of the century. Most of the times I do, except when my clothes don’t fit me, when I make wrong choices consciously or unconsciously , when I feel like I didn’t do what I had to do when I had to… But I do enjoy & love being me with my flaws & stubbornness …

8-When did you last do something for your own pleasure? Now I am writing for my own pleasure, I am enjoying every bit of it…
9-Name 10 things I am grateful for? The good old uplifting gratitude list never lets down a low mood…I have over 100 things to be grateful for. Yeah ok I will list them eventually. Alhamdulillah (I thank Allah) for everything is my motto though.

10-what do I postpone every day?  list 3 & just do them! Men I stopped eating chocolate, started exercising, so now I have few writings to finish I have been postponing shamelessly…
11-Am I myself or am I playing a part? It depends obviously, like everybody. My staff knows me as who I show them I am, and with my kids I am trying to be a responsible mother, I try as much as I can to act in alignment with my values but sometimes life situations just force you to compromise. Just trying not to sell my soul to the devil in the name of being “normal”…Challenging ? isn’t it?
12-How far would I go for love? As far as I can bear the pain maybe… even though it is supposed to only feel good. But we ought to be realistic here. Shit happens no matter how far you go & how hard you try…
13- My Weaknesses?         List 5 points I would like to improve in my  life right now:  Eat even better, exercise even more, do more homework with the kids, be less stubborn, think more before I talk sometimes, be less sensitive over issues…Oops I listed 6…
14- Strengths, strengths…  I am fearless, creative, generous, smiley, It would require a post in itself…LOOOOL.
16-Am I  balanced in the way I relate & connect with others: friends, family, co-worker, etc.?  Whenever I am in my emotional moods, I just run away in order to avoid imbalance  in my behavior. Otherwise I try as much as I can to be fair & give as much as I receive & still do my best regardless of  the selfishness level of the person facing me. Giving back for the times when I am the selfish one…

16-Write my first steps towards change & attempt to commit to them.
What should I do to look better, be healthier, be nicer, improve my skills, learn whatever has been in my mind forever? My plan is Doing-Learning-Improving-Practicing. What is yours?

P.S reminder to self

“An empowered life begins with serious personal questions about oneself. Those answers bare the seeds of success.” ― Steve Maraboli

Be empowered because you are powerful

©Naboulove

Naboulove power series 4-Enlighten your life with the magic Power of smile

The Power of a Smile
The power of a gun can kill
and the power of Fire can Burn;
The power of wind can chill
and the power of the mind can learn
The power of anger can rage
inside until it tears you apart
But the Power of a Smile
especially yours can heal a frozen heart.
Tupac Shakur

“Your smile is the sexiest curve on your entire body” unknown

A smile is without any doubts the most powerful non verbal Communication tool between people. Even if you find yourself lost in Azerbaidjan, you should be able to sort your issues with a smile in the middle of your face –unless you wear a Burqa-. A customer care agent, a sales person , a waiter or waitress , a taxi driver , are judged more by the friendliness of their face than their actual compentencies. Before you judge the food , the technical work or even the quality of the goods, what drives you towards them is their smile. Yes we do judge the book by its cover in this case. A smile sends a positive message, conveys happiness & makes the scariest face approachable by enlightening the smiler’s face.

« It costs nothing, but creates much. It enriches those who receive, without impoverishing those who give. It happens in a flash and the memory of it sometimes lasts forever ». Dale Carnegie
It might sound trivial , basic & somewhat stupid but Smile has a magic effect over the receiver as well as the giver. Let’s see how it affects someone’s life when he/she decides to make the most of it. But here again a smile, must be genuine, heartfelt & positive in order to work wonders. Fake smiles will only worsen things so be real, be sincere.

  1. A silent but warm friendly welcome
  2. Beautifying treatment , it enlightens any dull face
  3.  Problem solver for a smile can turn a life around by sending a positive signal in a conflict
  4. Cheaper than a shrink, smiling is a sign of self-confidence & success . It will make you feel good so in doubt or sadness fake it until you feel it
  5. Smiling means sharing happiness around, happy to be with people & interact with them
  6. It’s free …in case you forgot & it has a very high Return on investment
  7. Smile is a trust factor
  8. It  is a charisma enhancer, as well as a positive Aura creator
  9. To smile is sexy & attractive … A sad face is unconsciously an ugly face…

10. Loving factor Mother Theresa says it better than me : “Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.”

So remember before drafting elaborate strategies about a change of life, make sure your smile quota is enough to affect powerfully & positively your destiny. Now smile & let the magic work in your life….
Lyrics of the song “Smile” by James Phillips and Geoffrey Parsons for Charlie Chaplin
Smile
Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
you’ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness Although a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile what’s the use of crying
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you’ll just Smile

©Naboulove