Archives pour la catégorie friendship

To the hearts I have broken : please forgive me. 

​I spent so much time in pain dwelling  about heartbreaks & darkness in my soul. I cried out torn by an Insane love story in which I was the victim & the other was the eternal heartbreaker. Wait a minute!  Rewind…  How many hearts have I broken myself?  In the selfishness of my egotistical relationships drama do I ever think about those who may be the victims?  And you do you ever put yourself in the shoes of those you may have hurt.  Do you think about that guy who loved you that you tried loving and left just because you never fell in love with him? You remember his name?  Have you ever felt any compassion for his pain?  I didn’t. I just moved on carelessly & felt like I was right because I didn’t love him.  

What about that amazing guy who made a small mistake but you just couldn’t forgive him in the name of your misled & misplaced pride.  

You are not the only one worthy of forgiveness. 

So this it the other way round. They may call it Karma. I just call it life path.  That path is not easy to walk and we must not only be self centered & self conscious but we must also care about those who love us.  How many friends have we hurt knowingly or unknowingly?  Did we even try to understand the why & how? 

I tried to dig inside my selfish self & managed to remember the hearts I may have broken , torn or bruised:   Family members, friends or lovers?  It is not a very agreeable exercise but I realized it helps.  Hurting hurts & feeling uneasy about what we did confirms it wasn’t right. What doesn’t feel good and right is generally bad & wrong.  We are not just the result of our pains. We are also the product of our guilt trips.  To all the hearts I may have broken consciously or unconsciously FOrgive me as I am working towards self forgiveness. It is not about stating excuses or giving explanations but just about consciously acknowledging that I am not nicer than those who have hurt me.  I am also responsible for some pains & some people think about me as the person who killed their hopes at a given time in life.  I had to unlove them then for some reasons that seemed valid to me at that time.  Exactly the same way, those who hurt me had to do so to find their own peace of mind when it happened.  I replaced blame shifting ,  guilt tripping & remorses with responsibility. And here I am before the world finding peace in awareness & taking responsibility for hearts broken on my life path.  

Peace Love & Light.  It is never the end as long as you breathe. 

Be Empowered because you are powerful. 


12 ways to turn into your Husband’s best friend

You have reestablished  the sex drive between you & him. You are now the WIC (Wife in Charge) but please sister don’t brag , there is still a lot of work to be done. Bedroom is awesome, for now, but don’t relax yet. It’s like looking good ,you always have to work on some details that will make a big difference to the picture. Let’s do it. Being the “wife-mistress” is not enough. Your next challenge is turn into a “wife-mistress-best-friend”…  Since you are you married for better & worse, let’s work on having more better than worse. Are you ready?.  YES! NO? I can feel some doubting looks … Anyway I am not giving miracle recipes but just common sense life ideas. And if you want to enjoy the best of your husband, you have to work on yourself, your attitude, behavior & perception.  We are not in a Sweden kind of society & until further notice when things don’t go right, it’s better to go left than to complain… No be so? My Golden rules of friendship do apply but given the niche target (hubby) we need some little adaptations. So  ready? Set! Gooo!

“Do not think that love in order to be genuine has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired. Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.” Mother Theresa

1-Spend quality  time together doing things that you both enjoy: simple things are the best: talk about a book, watch a movie, eat together at the same time & the same day ( this may sound stupid but it is not as common as we could think). Focus on the quality of the time spent instead of complaining on the quantity  on the rare occasions you see him. Isn’t that what we do with our friends. Enjoy the now moment. Catching up from where we left it?

2-Keep the link, be connected emotionally with each others. It goes through intimacy & patience, don’t let your couple drift away. Hold on to it. It’s not just about the ring. Be a woman who cares about him & his activities, he is not just a provider so be generous in giving up a bit of your old fashioned principles. It’s not a war , you are not fighting a battle & he is not your enemy. The only enemy is your ego. So speak up but with respect & don’t ever confront him in front of others, you share a bed for a purpose, do not humiliate him in public . be smart & strategic; Cultivate your low ego, in the name of love. Don’t you do it with your close friends?

3-Share your interests and your thoughts with him even if he is going to criticize, try to ignore his judgment & make him feel part of your life projects. Too often in fear of criticism or rejection we hide a lot to our partners & all they end up doing  the same & we both lose trust in each others. You don’t want him to hear about what you are planning outside of home, don’t you?

4-Listen to him til the end whenever he expresses an opinion, try at least, we women tend to jump on words & sentences before getting the whole story. Yeah that’s me I am talking about. Do as I say , don’t do what I do loool.

5-You owe loyalty to your man no matter what. The way you jump on people’s throat when your friends are criticized should be the way you defend him when your entourage attempts to talk about him. Too often we tend to make our issues public to just anyone ready to listen. Just shut up. Endure; Talk to a trusted elder ( preferably not from your families) , seek advice in a mature way but please be careful on how & to whom you are sharing with. Misinterpretation from a third party can damage your marriage.

6- He just did a big deal, made a certain amount of money, has some new projects, please girlfriend stop showing off to your girls by bragging about your husband’ s achievements. If he makes more money they will see it somehow, your man doesn’t want half of town to know about his professional business . So behave like when your friends tell you a secret. Be discreet. Your mum, sister ,etc. don’t need to know “All about Mr Hubby”.  show that you can be a trusted confident. Too often we tend to talk too much…

7-Understand & accept his silences , touch his hand, kiss his cheeks , hold him, instead of harassing him with inappropriate questions, he will tell you when he is ready. It’s not always about you so keep cool Madam.

8-Learn to anticipate his moods, you should know him better than anyone so watch out for those signs when he comes back home. It’s funny how we pay attention to our friends’ moods but ignore those of our life partner.

9-Have a laugh together, watch  a fun movie , crack jokes.Do have a fun moment together, Husbands would love to have fun with you.

10-Show Interest in his affairs even if you are not really. I know politics or finance can be quite boring issues but beside technical aspects you can use your feminine intuition to  advise him on human issues. Support his successes & failures . Be there emotionally in hard times instead of complaining or saying ‘I knew it’. It’s funny how we show more indulgence to other people whereas we just can’t stop criticizing our life partner. He needs a friend too. Who better than you can be that friend?

11-Think twice before you open your mouth. Stop thinking “he is my husband, I can say what I want or what can he do to me?… He is also a person & like your friends you should about his feelings too. A balanced compromise is the key to a successful relationship. Make sure you are objective & remember it’s not always about your selfish little person. (referring to my own experience & behavior here)

12-Nurture his soul with positivity, never stop encouraging him like a real friend would. Share quotes from the Quran, the bible or just uplifting quotes exactly as you do with your good friends.

And please use & abuse of healing words.

 “Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile.” Mother Theresa

“Be empowered because you are powerful”


The Bite Of Envy

Ooh yesss you hate her for driving that Range Rover, you dislike her for carrying so carelessly her Hermes bag and wearing with so much elegance that diamond watch and the Chopard Jewelry set you always dreamt of. With your insane feminine curiosity, you are just wondering: Is she an escort sleeping with half of the government, did she inherit or is she just a hard working lucky bitch? you don’t want to really know what the truth is, isn’t it?  Curiously, the only thing you want to  acknowledge is how her presence makes you feel invaluable, transparent, non existing, anyway, to make a long story short, you are simply  envious!  And honestly  you got it all wrong gal! this is not the way to go. Envy is hateful, painful , self destructive and useless. Can’t you feel it? Can’t you see u are hating for free because the sister has no time for negative vibes around her?
It is time for you to slap yourself in the face and admit that you are totally wrong? Discharge yourself from all that emotional poison and mind your own business. As a matter of fact if you have felt that way for even a second in presence of a glittery rich hot looking babe then you have serious personal issues to deal with;  Yes madam envious bitch, it is not about her or others but only about  you. Why do you project your insecurities or others? It is you I am talking to. You who always look and want  what   others possess but you never appreciate what you are blessed with. Yes Lady, You who always wishes for what others have but never realize how much you have.

You keep on complaining about everything not realizing that the only satisfied souls are those who are 6 feet under. Stop the self-hate and your self destruction process coz all you are badmouthing about are your own lacks and shortcomings. Ooh you didn’t realize it! If you minded your own business, you would be aware of it. It is so easy to close your eyes to your failures and dissect others’. Just for the sake of envy. Hell no! It is time for you to take control of your destiny by minding your own business. You won’t know their lives until you walk in their shoes. You won’t have what they have until you do what they did to have it so relax and live your own life.

One year later!!!

                             So much have been shared , said, developped , analyzed during the last 12 months & I have myself while searching , learned so much about love , life, myself & Africa. Realizing the depth of our culture, in regards to initiation, life changing experiences & the way they have been misinterpreted by the West. Yes we have a civilization & we had one long before the first explorer stepped his foot on Africa. Yes women had a strong role to play & still have but the introduction of  so called civilized customs tore apart many of our rights as keepers of traditions & secrets. I have discovered the strenght of Women secret societies  in various african countries , who struggle to survive until today. In spite of being called names such as witches, fetichists & else some women still keep alive their grandmothers teachings, & in Gabon I have always been impressed by the respect for the NDJEMBE of the Myènés women. I will develop more about these societies during the coming year in order to uncover the veil & clarify few things. I am not an anthropologist but a simple observer & student of life trying to penetrate some secrets & restore the name of my fellow African sisters. Yes women in africa had knowledge & power , but it got lost & melted through acculturation. Women in africa  knew secrets of healing herbs long time before phytotherapy. African women knew the protective power of Shea butter & Argan oil long time before you could find them at Boots or CVS pharmacy. African women have secrets on how to keep their men happy because they have been realistically confronted to polygamy since the ancient times. There are so many things to say in this matter & I will try to continue my search & share with you my discoveries.

Another thing I learned while doing this blog is cooperation, & I really appreciate all the input & insights from all my friends who generously shared their writings, opinions, ideas & poetry. Thanks again & may you continuously be blessed.

Thanks to the 44000 people who stopped by , & made a comment or not. You have encouraged me each day to continue in spite of my overbusy schedule . Take care & have a wonderful Naboulove year 2.


My computer broke up with me & it hurts!!!

I came back from a lovely Xmas spent with my sisters & my sons in Brazzaville, when I was fighting with my computer , my laptop for the last 2/3 years & out of a shaky movement it fell on the floor. I turned it off, & on , it wouldn’t work , my sweetheart came , while we were chatting, all I could tink of was my Laptop , & when asked me what was wrong , i replied with a low depressed voice  » My computer doesn’t start… » , my eyes full of tears… Oh My God, I went to take my notebook, pulled out my internetodem out of my regular laptop & sufed with my little travel computer. Still depressed. I woke up at 5h30 am, tried to turn my computer back on with not much success, called my Assistant @7 am to make sure the computer guy will come fix my problem. I ended up calling the computer Guy a little after 7 am, , it’s almost 12 noon in Kinshasa & he still didn’t show. I have even thought of not paying him as today is pay day, even though is a contractor to my company. I am in pain , when I THINk of all the files stocked in my dear beloved laptop, not saying my pictures, my writings etc… But I keep faith, as I believe in Miracle & unlike men My computer has a memory, that hopefully, I will be able to retrieve, & I am even hopeful that within few das I will get it back , healthy & loving , we wished it was the same in classic love relationships. Anyhow, I am really sad & depressed since that happened last night, realising that in our modern world our love & affection for our phones, computers & other electronic items can create a real heartbreak in case of failure. Please, pray for me..And I wish you a beautifu Year ahead..