Single African woman survival kit (1)

In spite of many changes within African societies and the decline of tradition, the stereotype implying that to be respected a woman has to be married or at least in a relationship is still vivid. The transfer of pressures and social codes were made from traditional customs to religious duties. It is mostly backed by traditionalized religious principles. As a matter of fact, the growth of hardcore  Christian Evangelism as well as the rebirth of Islam fundamentalism is silently fueling the idea that a single woman is an easy woman. Personally, I strongly disagree as the basic teachings of religions are tolerance, love, & understanding. And from my personal observation , lately, many of the single Ladies cultivate a certain respect for their bodies, often choosing abstinence instead of engaging in sex for sex kind of transactions;

However, we live in an environment full of paradoxes :  We claim the mentalities have evolved in accepting that being single doesn’t automatically being lonely or unhappy or even a easy prey for sexual predators (I name all sorts of womanizers looking for easy sex without comitment, they know themselves). But pressure is still strong from  parents who long to organize the big celebration or craving to see their grandchildren. The risk of falling in the family pressure trap can be to get stuck with « Mr Wrong » in most case or for a « Mr Right » they don’t feel connected to. So it’s either you wait until you marry for the proper reasons or you give in the society pressure. Your choice either way. One of my cousin avoids going to Senegal just because she can’t stand being asked by just any family fool “ When are you getting married?”. Is it worth it? NO. You need to learn how to deal with that pressure & value your own self. It doesn’t mean denying the fact that we all want to find a life partner but like any other thing it can be harmful if it turns into an obsessive way of life, seeing a potential mate in any male that smiles at you.(No you are not Halle Berry). So shake your head & breathe in , breathe out & let’s see how to swim through the waves when you  claim loudly to be “a happy balanced African single lady”?


It is always so funny when people look at me with a sad face when they find out that I am single . Like I must be unhappy & depressed but sorry to say it I am happier & more balanced than many of my married friends. And sometimes even happier than those who feel sorry for you. But in their head they are “married” therefore they are “better” than you. Oh you are not married?  Sorry… What are you sorry for? I am happy, fulfilled & I have total faith in Allah’s plan for me in my life. Why should I – as old as I am now- sleep around or date around just to make sure I am not alone. Hell NO. I just love myself too much for that shit. Forgive my English. But I am not judging those who do. I believe in living & letting people live their own stories. All I can do is share my piece of mind. I am nobody’s judge as well as I don’t expect to be judged by anybody. Advise me, talk to me, enlighten my mind, share your experience but please don’t tag me as a good woman or a bad woman . Each of us have our principles, education, beliefs & our personalities are built on that base & our choices are made guided by them. So, point is: if you can’t add up to my two cents in a positive way (for example: introduce me to your single handsome cousin who is financially independent & stable INSTEAD of feeling sorry for me LOL) then shut up. As simple as that. Capito?


The funky Freud in me will not admit what they are all trying to insinuate: “Poor Soukeyna she is single, we never see her with a man”. By the way who told you she doesn’t have an underground relationship with a 25 years old  ebony Apollo with 6 packs … Or sometimes it’s like “OMG what’s wrong with Nadia, she has money, beauty & a great job, but no man in her bed”. Maybe she is Dangote’s secret lover? Now you are calm right? They don’t appear like victims again in your eyes. FOOLS.

They are single because they have refused to compromise with situation who didn’t fulfill their ideals. And you know what? It’s their right & their personal choice so stop feeling sorry for them since you are not ready to share your husband. So it is not a front , they are really happy & hopeful that someone, somewhere will love them, even though he might not be perfect but he will respect them & be a responsible man fit for fatherhood. Gbam. I remember in my mid twenties, I was single, had a good job & a OK life, once I had a discussion with a male friend of mine who reported to me all the gossips about me: I was the hidden mistress of an African head of state. African can fabricate your own life story. Just because they don’t know what is happening in your life, they will make it a fairytale or a horror movie (depending on how much they despise you). So when you create your balance between your job, your social life & your inner life, you will definitely be a Happy Balanced Single.


Ya all been waiting for me to tackle this issue. Say it out loud. Some of my friends admit that their hand does the job well, others are Ok with their dildos or a Sex only dude. Whereas I know a couple of Ladies who just prone abstinence. Each with his own. And remember you are not God to start judging others. Like we say in French: “Mind your own A…”


Yes you are , by essence, we Africans are happy, we survive through bombings, plane crashes, tribal wars, mineral wars, looting, corruption etc. And we can still come out with new dances like Azonto, Mbalakh, etc. Believe me I live in a war torn country & as I am writing we have rebels invading the eastern part of DRCongo, but we still have our Koffi Olomide, Fally Ipupa concerts taking places in all parts of Kinshasa. So yes You are happy because you are healthy alive & blessed , you have not been caught in any of the above listed calamities & you have an internet connection & time to waste to read my crazy thoughts. As I found out when I attended a leadership seminar lead by Gilles Attayi from GA Solutions, we are among the 5% of people in the planet who have a daily meal, running water, electricity, go on holidays, buy more or less whatever we want, etc…

So  don’t you think it’s enough of a reason to be a “a Happy Balanced African Single lady”?


“Be empowered because you are powerful”©


To be continued…

2 réflexions sur « Single African woman survival kit (1) »

  1. Thank you for sharing with us. There are indeed myths that people carry for all sorts of reasons that are so untrue.

    1. Thanks big brother , you are such an inspiration Mariama & you ; looking forward to seeing you in Kinshasa for the Leadership forum xoxo

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