You have reestablished the sex drive between you & him. You are now the WIC (Wife in Charge) but please sister don’t brag , there is still a lot of work to be done. Bedroom is awesome, for now, but don’t relax yet. It’s like looking good ,you always have to work on some details that will make a big difference to the picture. Let’s do it. Being the “wife-mistress” is not enough. Your next challenge is turn into a “wife-mistress-best-friend”… Since you are you married for better & worse, let’s work on having more better than worse. Are you ready?. YES! NO? I can feel some doubting looks … Anyway I am not giving miracle recipes but just common sense life ideas. And if you want to enjoy the best of your husband, you have to work on yourself, your attitude, behavior & perception. We are not in a Sweden kind of society & until further notice when things don’t go right, it’s better to go left than to complain… No be so? My Golden rules of friendship do apply but given the niche target (hubby) we need some little adaptations. So ready? Set! Gooo!
“Do not think that love in order to be genuine has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired. Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.” Mother Theresa
1-Spend quality time together doing things that you both enjoy: simple things are the best: talk about a book, watch a movie, eat together at the same time & the same day ( this may sound stupid but it is not as common as we could think). Focus on the quality of the time spent instead of complaining on the quantity on the rare occasions you see him. Isn’t that what we do with our friends. Enjoy the now moment. Catching up from where we left it?
2-Keep the link, be connected emotionally with each others. It goes through intimacy & patience, don’t let your couple drift away. Hold on to it. It’s not just about the ring. Be a woman who cares about him & his activities, he is not just a provider so be generous in giving up a bit of your old fashioned principles. It’s not a war , you are not fighting a battle & he is not your enemy. The only enemy is your ego. So speak up but with respect & don’t ever confront him in front of others, you share a bed for a purpose, do not humiliate him in public . be smart & strategic; Cultivate your low ego, in the name of love. Don’t you do it with your close friends?
3-Share your interests and your thoughts with him even if he is going to criticize, try to ignore his judgment & make him feel part of your life projects. Too often in fear of criticism or rejection we hide a lot to our partners & all they end up doing the same & we both lose trust in each others. You don’t want him to hear about what you are planning outside of home, don’t you?
4-Listen to him til the end whenever he expresses an opinion, try at least, we women tend to jump on words & sentences before getting the whole story. Yeah that’s me I am talking about. Do as I say , don’t do what I do loool.
5-You owe loyalty to your man no matter what. The way you jump on people’s throat when your friends are criticized should be the way you defend him when your entourage attempts to talk about him. Too often we tend to make our issues public to just anyone ready to listen. Just shut up. Endure; Talk to a trusted elder ( preferably not from your families) , seek advice in a mature way but please be careful on how & to whom you are sharing with. Misinterpretation from a third party can damage your marriage.
6- He just did a big deal, made a certain amount of money, has some new projects, please girlfriend stop showing off to your girls by bragging about your husband’ s achievements. If he makes more money they will see it somehow, your man doesn’t want half of town to know about his professional business . So behave like when your friends tell you a secret. Be discreet. Your mum, sister ,etc. don’t need to know “All about Mr Hubby”. show that you can be a trusted confident. Too often we tend to talk too much…
7-Understand & accept his silences , touch his hand, kiss his cheeks , hold him, instead of harassing him with inappropriate questions, he will tell you when he is ready. It’s not always about you so keep cool Madam.
8-Learn to anticipate his moods, you should know him better than anyone so watch out for those signs when he comes back home. It’s funny how we pay attention to our friends’ moods but ignore those of our life partner.
9-Have a laugh together, watch a fun movie , crack jokes.Do have a fun moment together, Husbands would love to have fun with you.
10-Show Interest in his affairs even if you are not really. I know politics or finance can be quite boring issues but beside technical aspects you can use your feminine intuition to advise him on human issues. Support his successes & failures . Be there emotionally in hard times instead of complaining or saying ‘I knew it’. It’s funny how we show more indulgence to other people whereas we just can’t stop criticizing our life partner. He needs a friend too. Who better than you can be that friend?
11-Think twice before you open your mouth. Stop thinking “he is my husband, I can say what I want or what can he do to me?… He is also a person & like your friends you should about his feelings too. A balanced compromise is the key to a successful relationship. Make sure you are objective & remember it’s not always about your selfish little person. (referring to my own experience & behavior here)
12-Nurture his soul with positivity, never stop encouraging him like a real friend would. Share quotes from the Quran, the bible or just uplifting quotes exactly as you do with your good friends.
And please use & abuse of healing words.
“Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile.” Mother Theresa
“Be empowered because you are powerful”