Devenez la Maitresse de votre mari.

Il vous a choisi entre toutes pour partager sa vie pour le meilleur et pour le pire et devenir la mère de ses enfants. Alors arrêtez de jouer à la vierge effarouchée tout simplement parce que vous appartenez au club des épouses. Si j’écris , c’est parce qu’en discutant avec mes amies , sœurs, parentes mariées ,  il me semble qu’elles abandonnent le meilleur du temps de leur s époux à d’autres femmes. S’il vous plait , ne me dites pas qu’il vous tient la main en public alors qu’il vous touche à peine en privé. Vous avez tout faux , archi faux , vous êtes sa partenaire légitime et vous vous devez mutuellement des nuits endiablées et torrides. Arrêtez les bigoteries derrière lesquelles vous vous réfugiez , en passant vos nuits à l’église ou en essayant de remplacer un érudit Islamique. Il est permis d’être désinhibée avec son mari. Alors au lieu de geindre et de vous plaindre à propos de ses nombreuses copines et maitresses « fantômes » -souvent des accusations non fondées-  avec laquelle ou lesquelles il semble profiter de la vie, levez vous et #reprenezlepouvoir dans votre foyer.Chaque jour est une opportunité pour un nouveau départ, même après de longues années d’ennui . Il est l’homme de votre vie , le seul et l’unique , ne finissez pas aigrie ou en quête d’un amant  pour  vous combler (c’est un péché même si le Pasteur de votre église devient  votre amant ) . N’est-ce pas plus simple de mettre en œuvre le plan de devenir « la maitresse de votre mari ». Alors si vous êtes une “Desperate Housewife” d’Afrique, fantasmant de nuits d’amour chaudes et sensuelles, ces quelques idées vous permettront de marquer la différence dans l’intimité de votre chambre à coucher. Il est possible que votre époux soit un peu surpris au début ou un peu suspicieux mais accrochez vous, c’est VOTRE mari & comme vous êtes déjà la mère de ses enfants, il n’y a aucun mal à devenir une parfaite  maitresse et amante.

Bien sûr avec les aléas du quotidien, vous ne pourrez pas être sur le pied de guerre 24/24 mais je vous en conjure Mesdames , ne lui ouvrez pas la porte pour qu’il aille voir dehors si l’herbe est plus verte. C’est vous qui détenez le pouvoir : il rentre chaque jour à la maison, et il se doit de manger vos repas qu’il le veuille ou non. Alors ouvrez vos tiroirs et sortez tous vos dessous sexy, vos aphrosiaques, vos accessoires coquins et épices de femmes que vous gardiez en attendant “demain”. Le moment est arrivé. Alors Mme membre du Club des femmes mariées , donnez vous la possibilité de devenir une femme pleinement satisfaite sexuellement.

 

1-    Ce n’est pas parce qu’il votre époux devant Dieu et devant les hommes que vous devez le considérer comme un acquis. Rendez vous indispensable, soyez à son écoute, devenez son amie, son alliée, sa confidente; méritez sa confiance. Arrêtez un peu votre cinéma d’épouse emmerdeuse toujours à se plaindre et critiquer et laisser le partager librement ses pensées avec vous, sans stress, ni arrières pensées. Soyez son amante et sa muse intellectuelle. On ne se repose pas sur ses lauriers.

 

2-    Petit rappel: Il s’agit de plus que le partage d’un lit ou vivre sous le même et même exhiber une alliance avec fierté. Il s’agit de faire de ces moments d’intimité une somme d’instants mémorable de temps en temps (je suis consciente que cela ne sera pas tous les jours mais de temps en temps) la réalité, c’est quand vous lui rappelez les frais de scolarité et autres. Laissez un peu d’espace aux fantasmes et créer des moments d’exception pour votre homme . Je suis certaine que vous avez des idées mais que vous n’avez jamais osé , il est temps pour la phase de mise en œuvre…Si vous ne pouvez pas vous laisser aller avec l’homme dont vous partagez la vie, ne vous plaignez pas s’il ne vous touche que rarement … Jetez aux oubliettes tous les taboos africains représentant la femme «l’épouse » « moissi ya Ndako » comme une pseudo-sainte ..Au diable les clichés , vous avez aussi besoin de vous sentir désirée et cela ne sera possible que si vous maintenez un climat erotico-passionel entre vous…au boulot les dames.

 

3-    Le facteur surprise . Arrêtez de déblatérer sans fin sur vos déjeuner entre copines et de commérer sur la femme du voisin…Cultivez le mystère , soyez imprévisible, surprenante, et non pas toujours facile à déchiffrer comme un livre. Ayez un travail, une passion, une vie , existez en tant que femme hors du domicile conjugal. Donnez lui l’opportunité de pensez à vous, de lui manquer , afin qu’il puisse vous poser des questions.

 

4-    Vous aimez vos enfants inconditionnellement, n’est ce pas? Essayez de lui donner ce genre d’amour, sans bien sur vous transformer en carpette. Votre objectif est de reconquérir l’intimité et la connexion que vous partagiez. Avant. Apprenez à lui faire confiance. S’il ne vous aimez pas , il ne vous aurez pas épousé. Ne donnez pas l’occasion au premier idiot (ou à la première idiote) de venir critiquer le père de vos enfants. Vous lui devez confiance, intimité, discrétion et respect. Et quoiqu’il arrive hors des frontières de votre environnement familial , dont vous n’avez pas été témoin , ne vous regarde en rien tant que vous êtes une épouse respectée et choyée. Apprenez à relativiser.

 

5-    Evitez de mentionner nommément l’autre ou les autres femme- s’il y en a- avec aigreur et haine – C’est votre homme après tout. Soyez subtile, stratège, mure et faites lui plutôt ressentir ce qu’il rate en étant séduisante, attirante , sexy , douce et souriante quand il est avec vous. Si vous avez un message à faire passer , ne soyez pas agressive…COMMUNIQUEZ  le  n’attaquez pas .On n’attrape pas les mouches avec du vinaigre.

 

6-    La créativité/l’innovation sont cruciales, comme vous le savez les hommes ont constamment besoin d’être challengés afin de mettre leurs sens en émois, alors pas d’hésitation, : attachez le au lit , utilisez des menottes , des plumes, faites lui des massages etc. Amenez le à faire l’amour dans différentes pièces de la maison ou même dans la salle de bain. Sortez de la chambre en innovant et en initiant de nouveaux jeux entre vous… Sexter (sms coquins) lui un message sur vos dessous sexy pendant que vous diner en face en face au restaurant ou envoyer lui une image coquine de vous lorsqu’il est en voyage. Enterrez votre timidité. Osez lui décrire en quelques mots de façon explicite les projets que vous avez pour lui .. chéri, si je t’attrape, je vais te faire mourir de plaisir…

 

 

7-    Les préliminaires, la majorité des hommes apprécie les caresses buccales & je reste persuadée que de nombreux Africains se sentiraient plus libérés au lit avec leurs épouses si elle se montrait un peu plus liberée au lieu de jouer aux saintes Nitouches. La glace , le nutella, le miel, les glaçons, autant de choses disponibles pour épicer vos soirées . Et s’il vous plait je ne veux pas entendre « c’est pour les blancs ». Erreur fatale. Une fois de plus c’est votre homme, alors laisser vous allez et amusez vous.

 

8-    Escapade: Sortez de chez vous. Ne me dites pas qu’il n’y a pas d’hôtels dans votre ville? Vous n’avez pas besoin de sortir de la ville pour enflammer votre mariage du feu du désir. Un changement de décor peut se transformer en facteur d’excitation. Pourquoi ne pas le retrouver pour un after hour dans une chambre d’hôtel ? Ravivez le désir… Et dès que vous pouvez, un weekend en amoureux  hors de la ville peut vous aider à reconnecter émotionnellement avec votre moitié. Proposez lui

 

9-    Relooking . Toutes les fantaisies sont permis en présence exclusive de votre mari. Mais à bannir, le liputa et le t-shirt ainsi que la robe en pagne confortable. Non !Non ! Non ! Recycler vos mini robes pour vos diners ou soirées en tête à tête avec lui. Un peu de rouge à lèvres, une nouvelle coiffure, du vernis à ongles rouge, de la dentelle, de la soie…Soyez une femmes à multiples facettes exsudant le désir pour son homme , heureuse de lui faire plaisir et prête pour un feu d’artifice sexuel.

 

10- Eveil des 5 sens; j’ai tendance à me répéter mais je persiste et signe: il ne s’agit pas que de sexe, mais aussi titiller ses papilles gustatives, en cuisinant avec de nouvelles épices ou faites lui des cocktails spéciaux à boire, utilisez de nouvelles senteurs sur votre corps et aussi dans votre maison, offrez lui la vision d’une femme plus sensuelle , d’une maison propre, le toucher d’une peau soyeuse et écoutez des rythmes langoureux de rumba vintage à danser collé serré, de zouk, ou tout simplement les bons vieux classiques tels que Sexual Healing , I wanna sex you up-,Ayez un voix plus douce, posée et tranquille… & à vous de jouer.

 

 

Alors utilisez votre pouvoir , ne le laissez pas vous échapper juste parce que vous avez l’alliance. Soyez aux commandes, faites des efforts et devenez la maitresse de votre mari.

« Be empowered because you are powerful »

©Naboulove

30 WARNINGS YOU ARE A DESPERATE AFRICAN HOUSEWIFE:(2)

16 to 30

16-Your fantasies involve your houseboy , your driver or the gardener… Don’t fall into the Gaby sin. Actually most of your romantic escapes are daydreams. Sad. Tie him & rape him. Unless you have other ideas but do something before it’s too late.

17-You have become an expert pastry maker , a home seamstress & a daycare specialist..without getting paid for it. Time to think about either becoming a work at home mum or find a way of leveraging your new expertise.

18– You are sick with the paranoid bitch syndrome. Your single or married sisters & friends have become the “unusual” suspects who want to wreck your couple. Give us a break , you are not married to Brad Pitt or Idriss Elba. Chill. REGAIN CONFIDENCE in yourself.

19– You just realize that you are sleeping next to a perfect stranger: you have reached the point where you live 2 separate lives. Your husband crack jokes & has fun with everybody but you Time to create an intersection. Before the parallel becomes infinite.

20Shopping has become the most exciting pleasurable  activity of your superficial universe. Don’t stop spending as long as it’s not your money otherwise…

21– In order to escape reality or give a sense to your frustration, You bury yourself in spirituality. Every time you talk , it is a prayer , quoting the Bible or the Quran. The Devil/Shaytan’s influence  seem to be everywhere in your home (you need a scapegoat right?). Or  you become a Juju expert , always looking for the latest Malam , babalawo or fortune teller believing they will put an end to your problems (someone did a curse on you of course). Cut the crap; save your money. Pray God but also work on yourself.

22-You don’t know who is Lady Gaga; mamma mia everybody knows Lady Gaga. Get out of that house asap .

23-You criticize, complain just about anything & everything sounding like a BB bitter babe not Blackberry in this case. Stop comparing your life to others , the grass ain’t greener on the other side of the fence. If you are becoming envious of those around you who seem to be happier , girl you are on the road to insanity. Count your blessings instead of counting other people’s blessings.

24Where are your sexy underwear? Lingerie, lace, silk, you remember what it is? No you don’t. You wear them for yourself baby & nobody else.

25– Are you living in an illusion of perfection like Bree just to cover the fact that  your life is a  mess  you have created alone.  Time to face the reality & fix that mess since it’s yours.

26– Have you turned into a nosy gossip minding other people’s business to forget the pathetic world around you? Susan get out of that body! Even worse if you repeat all your friends’ secrets around. Sister , you need serious exorcism.

27-Sometimes you just hate your kids, your life, your husband & your normal life. Stop blaming the world  Gaby &  accept the fact that you have to work on things to make them better. And if you don’t like your life , just try to go , someone will quickly wear your shoes. Hmmm

28-Lately ,you yourself in tears whenever a romantic song plays or whenever you watch a love movie & read a romance Novel. I assume you also cry in bed when you don’t get that expected hug. Romeo & Juliet were born in Verona. Not you. Real relationships are not fairytales or fictions so whatever it is that is making you over sensitive , work it out before it becomes a nervous breakdown.

29-you have a very active social lifeon social medias without leveraging on your online presence for a business . All you do is sending indirect messages to your husband , or you blame the whole male nation. Babe talk to Hubby, before someone reports your statuses to him (we all know spies are all over our facebook, twitter, bbm lists).

30-Noooo GDP (Gross Domestic Product)  is not what you produce at home. Stop everything & google it…read newspaper once in a while, there is a whole world outside of your home.

“Be empowered because you are powerful”

©Naboulove™

30 WARNINGS YOU ARE A DESPERATE AFRICAN HOUSEWIFE:(1)

1 to 15

1-You haven’t been outside of home in a face to face with your man in the last 6 months (1 month is manageable, 3 months is worrying & 6 months is a catastrophe in the making) … You remember what a romantic dinner is? Or has it become science-fiction to you?

2-You share your living space with bitter , sour & wicked in laws who always have a say about the food you cook, the dress you wear, the way you raise your kids… You need to either start a new business by opening an in law concentration camp, move out or practice Buddhism. Before you commit a crime.

 3-You & Mr  hubby live in separate towns or countries but  when you get the chance to be in the same place at the same time, He is just too busy to be with you… His excuses: his friends, exercising, his mother, his brothers, the new house he is building for you…  and where do you stand amidst that busy life?

4-Like Lynette , you have traded a brilliant career for “housewifing” 24/7 , you feel more & more frustrated  as your MBA’s main use is for  domestic management. Time to make a move. Start a home based business or become a trader…But please do something before you have a nervous breakdown.

5-Your older sister looks 10 years younger than you…Maybe you should start thinking about Botox if you can’t take advantages of the gift of life & see the world through a positive lens. Something is definitely wrong if you don’t recognize the girl in the mirror. “Shake it up baby…Twist & shout, come on come on baby..come on & let it all out” whatever it is stress, frustration, too much food , just get rid of it.

6-You only know 2 positions in the Kama Sutra: the missionary & the missionary…woohoo you are in trouble, maybe time to bring in a pole dancer like Gaby…lool. Or leave a Kama Sutra Illustrated open on your husband’s bedside…

7-Your last romantic getaway was with the whole clan in the village, for a relative’s graduation, christening  or for Umrah…  do you know what a revival honeymoon is??  Follow him –without kids- on his next business trip. Do or Die attitude, never without you.

8– You know you have 10 kg to lose or to add. And you wear clothes that neither fit your body nor your age. Are you sure you are not too skinny or too fat for these tight jeans or that top??? Look at the woman in the mirror twice

9-He never goes with you to visit your family members whereas you have to bear his own on every occasions. Unfair isn’t it? Life is unfair, accept it or change it.

10– Your hair color & hairstyle have changed 10 times in the last 4 weeks & he didn’t notice anything. He is either blind, or you are truly desperate. Try a piercing on your tongue maybe he will feel it since he doesn’t seem to see.

11-He calls you knowing you are in a  professional meeting to ask where you kept his underwear ? WTF?

12-He keeps on criticizing everything you do or  you find everything he does annoying & irritating…. The only time you have a peaceful conversation is when you talk about kids or serious family matters. counseling time is up or African mediation call it how you want but you need help. It’s not a white people’s issue only.

13-You are a married single mother handling all home related issues alone . Do you need a husband really?

14-Your husband  gives you ridiculously low food allowances meanwhile  you are not allowed to do any side biz or work. Maybe he wants you to become a thief then…

15-You know all the tv shows by heart…from Desperate housewife to Sex & the City, Soap operas, Brothers & sisters, etc… Not talking of your Bollywood movie collection & your Nollywood Obsession. Girl get a life, you are sinking into fiction.

to be continued…

“Be empowered because you are powerful”

©Naboulove™

 

 

Flirtherapy is good for you

That awkward moment when you are just not in a relationship but you need to feel the platonic effect of being desired, loved, wanted by a Male!lol ! Translation: you just need to flatter your dumb self centered  narcissistic ego. You need to feel someone desires  the charming, desirable & lovely woman you know you are . Without being in a formal  relationship & not even intending to be in one. I won’t blame you you, everybody needs a little bit of reassurance once in a while.

So what happens? Dude is cool, not bad looking, even hot, maybe even a good friend or on your waiting list… You start paying a closer look at dude, respond to his signs : you smile back at him, you laugh to his jokes, yo u let him touch your hand or talk to you in an erotic way, you feed his fantasies with X rated comments.. In flirting there is no erotic touch involved. Your ego is boosted, your sex appeal restores its dignity …and congratulations you have just become an official  FLIRT! Remember that it can be soothing for a bruised heart & healing to a ssss (Sexy Sexless Single Sister #naboulovism). But be careful don’t push it too far, unless you are ready to bear the consequences & don’t even play with a taboo man  , the same applies if you are not a free woman.RED LIGHT . Ok?

So Flirtherapy is positive as long as you know when to stop since crossing the line might turn a male friend or acquaintance into an deadly enemy ( yeah he will call you bitch! & I agree with him). Please, make sure you don’t confuse flirting with romancing otherwise heartbreaks will be unavoidable. So as usual play it subtle & be wise… Use Flirtherapy with moderation  and make sure you don’t light any fire you can’t control or extinguish.

“Be empowered because you are powerful”
©Naboulove™.

12 ways to turn into your Husband’s best friend

You have reestablished  the sex drive between you & him. You are now the WIC (Wife in Charge) but please sister don’t brag , there is still a lot of work to be done. Bedroom is awesome, for now, but don’t relax yet. It’s like looking good ,you always have to work on some details that will make a big difference to the picture. Let’s do it. Being the “wife-mistress” is not enough. Your next challenge is turn into a “wife-mistress-best-friend”…  Since you are you married for better & worse, let’s work on having more better than worse. Are you ready?.  YES! NO? I can feel some doubting looks … Anyway I am not giving miracle recipes but just common sense life ideas. And if you want to enjoy the best of your husband, you have to work on yourself, your attitude, behavior & perception.  We are not in a Sweden kind of society & until further notice when things don’t go right, it’s better to go left than to complain… No be so? My Golden rules of friendship do apply but given the niche target (hubby) we need some little adaptations. So  ready? Set! Gooo!

“Do not think that love in order to be genuine has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired. Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.” Mother Theresa

1-Spend quality  time together doing things that you both enjoy: simple things are the best: talk about a book, watch a movie, eat together at the same time & the same day ( this may sound stupid but it is not as common as we could think). Focus on the quality of the time spent instead of complaining on the quantity  on the rare occasions you see him. Isn’t that what we do with our friends. Enjoy the now moment. Catching up from where we left it?

2-Keep the link, be connected emotionally with each others. It goes through intimacy & patience, don’t let your couple drift away. Hold on to it. It’s not just about the ring. Be a woman who cares about him & his activities, he is not just a provider so be generous in giving up a bit of your old fashioned principles. It’s not a war , you are not fighting a battle & he is not your enemy. The only enemy is your ego. So speak up but with respect & don’t ever confront him in front of others, you share a bed for a purpose, do not humiliate him in public . be smart & strategic; Cultivate your low ego, in the name of love. Don’t you do it with your close friends?

3-Share your interests and your thoughts with him even if he is going to criticize, try to ignore his judgment & make him feel part of your life projects. Too often in fear of criticism or rejection we hide a lot to our partners & all they end up doing  the same & we both lose trust in each others. You don’t want him to hear about what you are planning outside of home, don’t you?

4-Listen to him til the end whenever he expresses an opinion, try at least, we women tend to jump on words & sentences before getting the whole story. Yeah that’s me I am talking about. Do as I say , don’t do what I do loool.

5-You owe loyalty to your man no matter what. The way you jump on people’s throat when your friends are criticized should be the way you defend him when your entourage attempts to talk about him. Too often we tend to make our issues public to just anyone ready to listen. Just shut up. Endure; Talk to a trusted elder ( preferably not from your families) , seek advice in a mature way but please be careful on how & to whom you are sharing with. Misinterpretation from a third party can damage your marriage.

6- He just did a big deal, made a certain amount of money, has some new projects, please girlfriend stop showing off to your girls by bragging about your husband’ s achievements. If he makes more money they will see it somehow, your man doesn’t want half of town to know about his professional business . So behave like when your friends tell you a secret. Be discreet. Your mum, sister ,etc. don’t need to know “All about Mr Hubby”.  show that you can be a trusted confident. Too often we tend to talk too much…

7-Understand & accept his silences , touch his hand, kiss his cheeks , hold him, instead of harassing him with inappropriate questions, he will tell you when he is ready. It’s not always about you so keep cool Madam.

8-Learn to anticipate his moods, you should know him better than anyone so watch out for those signs when he comes back home. It’s funny how we pay attention to our friends’ moods but ignore those of our life partner.

9-Have a laugh together, watch  a fun movie , crack jokes.Do have a fun moment together, Husbands would love to have fun with you.

10-Show Interest in his affairs even if you are not really. I know politics or finance can be quite boring issues but beside technical aspects you can use your feminine intuition to  advise him on human issues. Support his successes & failures . Be there emotionally in hard times instead of complaining or saying ‘I knew it’. It’s funny how we show more indulgence to other people whereas we just can’t stop criticizing our life partner. He needs a friend too. Who better than you can be that friend?

11-Think twice before you open your mouth. Stop thinking “he is my husband, I can say what I want or what can he do to me?… He is also a person & like your friends you should about his feelings too. A balanced compromise is the key to a successful relationship. Make sure you are objective & remember it’s not always about your selfish little person. (referring to my own experience & behavior here)

12-Nurture his soul with positivity, never stop encouraging him like a real friend would. Share quotes from the Quran, the bible or just uplifting quotes exactly as you do with your good friends.

And please use & abuse of healing words.

 “Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile.” Mother Theresa

“Be empowered because you are powerful”

©Naboulove™