Be your husband’s mistress.

He chose you over other women to spend his life with him, to be the mother of his children & above all to be his companion through thick & thin so stop behaving like a shocked prude just because you belong to the « Wife » Club or as the title of Ekene Onu states as a member of the « Mrs Club ». So why do I write this, because I am angry with all my married sisters, friends etc. who give up the best part of their husband’s time to other women. Please stop telling me you hold hands in public but hardly have sex in private. It is wrong, You are the legitimate partner of your man & you owe each other breathless nights of torrid sex. Quit the religious crap you are hiding behind , sleeping at church or trying to replace an Islamic scholar. To be wild with your husband is Right. So instead of whining & complaining about his plenty “ghost” mistresses & girlfriends he seems to enjoy life with, stand up & #takeyourmarriageback. Every day you can decide to initiate a new start even after endless years of marriage. So since he is the man of your life, your one & only don’t end up bitter or looking for a lover to satisfy your needs (that is a sin, even if the lover is your pastor or a Malam lol). It’s easier to draw a plan, & decide to become your husband’s mistress. So if you were a “Desperate African Housewife” longing for hot steaming sex, here are few ideas on how to make a difference in the bedroom. And remember your man might seem surprised at first or a bit suspicious but hang on there , he is your husband, & since you are already the mother of his kids, there is no harm in also becoming his perfect mistress & sex partner.

Of course you can’t be alert 24/7 but please I don’t want you to give the man a chance outside of Home; you have the power , he has to come home every day, he has to eat your food & has to spend some time at home whether he likes it or not. So open your drawers & bring out all the sexy lingerie, aphrodisiacs, Kayan Mata, Béthios, Bin bins, etc. you have been buying always waiting for the best moment to use. Now is the time. So Mrs member of the Legitimate & legally Married Club , be ready to also be a very sexually satisfied wife.

1-    It’s not because he is your husband that you should take him for granted, so make yourself indispensable by listening to him, become his friend, & win his confidence. Stop being the reasonable judgmental bitchy wife once in a while so that he can freely share his thoughts with you, carelessly & freely. Be his lover, confidant & intellectual muse.

2-    Remember it is more than sharing a bed together or sleeping under the same roof, it is about making those moments unique once in a while (I know it can’t be everyday), reality is when you tell him about school fees etc. But indulge for some fantasies & dare to create mind blowing bedroom moments for your man. I am sure you have clear ideas of few fantasies but never dared… If you can’t be crazy with the man you share your life with, then don’t complain if sex is scarce… Forget about all our African taboos presenting the wife as a “pseudo saint”…Hell with that you also need to feel desired & create passion in your couple.

3-    Surprising Factor. Stop blabbing endlessly about your women’s gathering & gossip about the neighbor’s wife…cultivate mystery, be unpredictable & don’t let him always be able to read your thought. Have a life, a job, a passion, a hobby outside of him. Let him miss you, ask you question, wonder a bit about you & be surprised.

4-    You love your children unconditionally right? Try to give him that kind of love, without being a doormat, reconquer the intimacy you used to share together. Learn to trust him. If he didn’t love you, he wouldn’t have married you. Don’t accept just any fool to come & bring your husband down. Trust, Intimacy, Respect are what you owe him. And whatever happens outside your home out of your knowledge or sight shouldn’t be any of your business as long as you are a respected , well taken care of wife.

5-    Never mention the other “woman” or “women” – if there are any- in an insane jealous way; the man is yours. Be subtle, strategic, mature & make him feel what he is missing at home by being attractive, sexy, nice & friendly. If you have a point to make, don’t be aggressive…COMMUNICATE don’t attack.

6-    Creativity/Innovation are keys , as you know men need excitement to awaken their senses, so don’t hesitate, tie him to the bed, use cufflings, feathers, massages. Suggest sex in a different room of the house or even in the bathroom, get out of that bed & innovate, initiate… Sexting about your underwear while you are at a dinner, or emailing him a kinky picture of you when he is away, don’t be shy. Describe to him the things you would love to do to hi in simple words, even by calling him at his office.

7-    Foreplay, majority of men love Blow Jobs, & am sure that many more African men would feel freer in bed with their wives if they showed a bit of kinkiness instead of playing the “preacher’s wife” role. Ice cream, Ice cube, chocolate, or even specially designed products are available. Use your head to spice the foreplays. Role playing . Why not? And stop that African sentence “ it’s for white people”. That is where you are mistaking Madam. Once again he is your MAN. Do your thang & have fun.

8-    Escape: Get out of home. Don’t tell me there are no hotels in your town, you don’t even need to leave town to make it hot. A change of environment can be an arousal factor. Why don’t you meet for a drink after his office hour & spend few hours in a hotel room. Revive it … And whenever you can a weekend out of town can rekindle a lot of things between you. Ask him daredevil…

9-    Make Over . You can wer anything when with your husband but forget about the wrapper & the Ankara dress. Buy short dresses that you will wear just for a dinner at home with him. A bit of lipstick, a new hairstyle, henna, red nail polish, lace, silk… Be a different woman , a woman exulting desire for her husband, happy to please him & ready for a sexual firework.

10- Awaken the 5 senses; I know am repeating myself but one can never stop saying it : It’s not only about sex, but also tease his taste buds , by cooking with new spices, or give him new Cocktails to drink, use different enticing fragrances on your body & also in your home , let him see a sexier you , a clean house, touch a soft skin, hear a nice lovely music –  Sexual Healing , I wanna sex you up-, have a gentle low sexy voice tone, & …

So you have the power so don’t let it slip away just because you are happy with the ring. Take charge, Make the move & be your husband’s Mistress.

“Be empowered because you are powerful”