Give love a chance.

« Well how else can I explain this rainbow when there is no rain…It’s magic, when we walk hands in hands my life becomes a wonderland, it’s magic… », if you have never heard that beautiful song of the Jazz singer Dinah Washington, then you have been  missing something … It is one of my favorite love songs of all times. Vintage, jazzy but wonderfully romantic when you are in that mood or even looking for it…
Falling in love all over again, letting go, letting IT be… And feel the butterflies in the stomach, the heartbeats every time he calls , living up to surrealistic romanced expectations, Expecting an umpteenth sign of « Ooh yes I love u too »… « This it It » the great feeling, « this is him » the one I have been waiting for… At 15,20,25,30,35,40,45,50,55,60 and until our last breath we keep on hoping, dreaming, expecting that this time he is the One. Sometimes we are lucky, and other times it’s tricky, we either fear our feelings  or we are led by fear, afraid of a painful ending, we run away & at times behind the rainbow there is a storm when we realize he is not so « charming as a Prince » but what the heck is life about? Give it a chance if your heart beats soo fast whenever you are together, know your limits, distinguish love from lust but remember that even if he is the One, some days will be sunny & others rainy so there will always be pain management issues.

This is real  life we are in, not a romance novel. We stay afloat in an Ocean ,sometimes cold & with high waves like the Pacific, or Calm & hot like the Atlantic off the shores of Florida. Learn to live & love by swimming through the waves, and no matter what happens remember that Love has kept you alive every time you thought your heart would not beat to that pace again…

“Be Empowered because you are powerful”

« Adieu, my love, My husband, My lion, Ikemba, Amuma na Egbe Igwe… »

« Adieu, my love, My husband, My lion, Ikemba, Amuma na Egbe Igwe, Odenigbo Ngwo. Eze-Igbo Gburugburu, Ibu dike. Chukwu gozie gi, Chukwu debe gi. Anyi ga afu na omesia. »

These are the last words of Bianca Ojukwu from the incredibly moving tribute she did to her husband the late Biafran leader & President Dim Chukwuemeka Ojukwu, the leader of Ndigbo, the Ezeigbo Gburugburu. As non Nigerians & Africans we have all heard of Biafran war and the reknowned leader of the Igbo Nation Ojukwu. But what I discovered when he died is a woman intensely in love who lost the man of her life. Reading the moving tribute made by the widow  » Bianca Ojukwu » during the funerals of her beloved husband made be curious about the story of that terribly beautiful woman who was married to a terrible african leader. And my discovery of a beautiful love story between them as Bianca was the daughter of a former Governor, as well as a beauty Queen at the time they met, conforted me in the reality of modern time fairy tale. Against all odds, Bianca who could have married or chosen any man , richer, more handsome, or younger, than Ojukwu who was about 30 years older than her. She stood against her own father & the rest of the world to be with the man she loved.  I must say that before reading about the funeral , I had never heard about Bianca & Ojukwu controversial love story (that is Africa for you the likes of Angelina & Brad or Elisabeth Taylor & Richard Burton are more advertised than our own Panafrican issues) . Since I digged into their story, I have gladly added Bianca Ojukwu to my list of Amazing African Women. And I decided to share her tribute with my readers. My Deepest condolences to Mrs Bianca Ojukwu, a strong beautiful & Inspiring African, wife, mother & business person.


Tribute To My Husband By Mrs. Bianca Ojukwu, Widow of Late Dim Chukwuemka Odumegwu-Ojukwu

How do I sum up 23 years in one page? I don’t know. How do I describe you? I cannot. Not in any depth. Not for anybody else – you were my husband, my brother, my friend, my child. I was your queen, and it was an honour to have served you.

You were the lion of my history books, the leader of my nation when we faced extinction, the larger-than-life history come to my life – living, breathing legend. But unlike the history books, you defied all preconceptions. You made me cry from laughter with your jokes, many irreverent. You awed me with your wisdom.

You melted my heart with your kindness. Your impeccable manners made Prince Charming a living reality. Your fearlessness made you the man I dreamt of all my life and your total lack of seeking public approval before speaking your mind separated you from mere mortals.

Every year that I spent with you was an adventure – no two days were the same. With you, I was finally able to soar on wings wider than the ocean. With you I was blessed with the best children God in heaven had to give. With you, I learnt to face the world without fear and learnt daily the things that matter most.

Your disdain for money was novel – sometimes funny, other times quite alarming. It mattered not a whit to you. Your total dedication to your people – Ndi-Igbo – was so absolute that really, very little else mattered. You never craved anybody’s praise as long as you believed that you were doing right and even in the face of utmost danger, you never relented from speaking truth to power – to you, what after all, was power?

It was not that conferred by the gun, nor that stolen from the ballot box. No. You understood that power transcended all that. Power is the freedom to be true to yourself and to God, no matter the cost. It is freedom from fear. It is freedom from bondage. It is freedom to seek the wellbeing of your people just because you love them.

It is the ability to move a whole nation without a penny as inducement nor a gun to force them. When an entire nation can rise up for one person for no other reason than that they love him and know he is their leader – sans gun, money, official title or any strange paraphernalia – that is power.

To try to contain you in words is futile. You span the breadth of human experience – full of laughter, joy, kindness and sometimes, almost childlike in your ability to find something good in almost everyone and every situation. You could flare up at any injustice and in the next instant, sing military songs to the children. You could analyse a situation with incredible swiftness and accuracy.

In any generation, there can only be one like you. You were that one star. You were a child of destiny, born for no other time than the one you found yourself in. Destined to lead your people at the time total extinction was staring us in the face. There was no one else. You gained nothing from it.

You used all the resources you had just to wage a war of survival. You fought to keep us alive when we were being slaughtered like rams for no reason.Today, we find ourselves in the same situation but you are not here.You fought that we might live. The truth is finally coming out and even those who fought you now acknowledge that you had no choice. For your faithfulness, God kept you and brought you home to your people.

You loved Nigeria. You spent so much of your waking moments devising ways through which Nigeria could progress to Tai-Two!!! You were the eternal optimist, always hoping that one day, God will touch His people and give us one Vision and the diligence to work towards the dream. It never came to pass in your lifetime. Instead, the disaster you predicted if we continued on the same path has come home to roost.

You always saw so clearly. Your words are indelibly preserved for this generation to read and learn and perhaps heed and turn. You always said the dry bones will rise again. But you always hoped we would not become the dry bones by our actions. Above all, you feared for your own people, crying out against the relentless oppression that has not ceased since the end of the war and saddened by the acceptance of this position by your own people.

In death, you have awakened the spirit that we thought had died. Your people are finally waking up. At home, you were the father any child would dream of having. At no point did our children have to wonder where you were. You were ever at their disposal, playing with them, teaching them of a bygone era, teaching them of the world they live in and giving them the total security of knowing you were always present.

In mercy, God gave me a year to prepare for the inevitable. I could never have survived an instant departure. In mercy, God ensured that your final week on earth was spent only with me and that on your last day, you were back to your old self. I cannot but thank God for the joy of that final day – the jokes, the laughter, the songs.

It was a lifetime packed into a few hours, filled with hope that many tomorrows would follow and that we would be home for Christmas. You deceived me. You were so emphatic that we would be going home. I did not know you meant a different home. The swiftness of your departure remains shocking to me.

You left on the day I least expected. But I cannot fight God. He owns your life and mine. I know that God called you home because every other time it seemed you were at death’s door, you fought like the lion that God made you and always prevailed. In my eyes, even death was no match for you. But who can say ‘no’ to the Almighty God? You walked away with Him, going away with such peace that I can only bow to God’s sovereignty.

Your people have remembered. The warrior of our land has gone. The flags are lowered in your honour. Our hearts are laden with grief. But I will trust that the living God who gave you to me will look after me and our children. Through my sadness, the memories will always shine bright and beautiful.

Adieu, my love, My husband, My lion, Ikemba, Amuma na Egbe Igwe, Odenigbo Ngwo. Eze-Igbo Gburugburu, Ibu dike. Chukwu gozie gi, Chukwu debe gi. Anyi ga afu na omesia.


Naija For Life.

Here we are again , at a verge of a new dawn, it is early 2012 & a family friend’s daughter is getting married in Abuja. Without hesitating I responded present & was a bit confused when she gave me the dress code : a pink laffaya  for the cultural evening & she will keep a Silver Gele -headtie – for me for the dinner party. Hmmm… I started asking around ro all my good sisters : what is a laffaya? laughs, etc. I finally find out that it is just a body veil like the one women in Sudan & Mauritania are used to wear & that we call « meulfeu » in Senegal. Anyway I ended up sorting my logistics issues & headed for Lagos from Brazzaville the day before the henna party. After flying half of the African Sky i reached Las Gidi Airport where my sweet sister Fati Grema had been waiting for me for almost half of the day. However, I managed to catch a flight to Abuja the same evening & got in happy & excited. My beautiful niece Fatima’s wedding was a total feast , even though the Laffaya day was a total nightmare, it looked good but I felt like I would be naked in no time if I moved a bit. The dinner party at « this day » Dome was total fun , even though I had never heard about Wizkid before, he really entertained the party before we got our old school funky music to extend the fun. Personalities such as President Obasanjo & co. gave memorable speech on the late dad of the bride; It was my first Gele experience , apart from the tying lessons given by my friend Ronke whe she stopped in Kinshasa. lol.  Of course as a panafrican reknowned shopper, I had to find an excuse to buy shoes at my friend Habiba’s shop « just unique » in Kcity plaza .. Also went to pay a visit to the beautiful Huddaya’s shop & of course ordered few thingz for myself… *smile. All this of course only in my first 3 days in Abuja.  Also want to point out the wonderful work of Cupcake Factory  Lagos who flew in a team just to make the cupcakes I gave as a wedding present for the dinner party. Bravo Fatima , for your professional follow up & perfect planning. I wished i could take your staff to Congo with me…

But having missed my flight to Kano, I was trapped by GEJ who just chose the time of my visit to increase the price of Petrol. OMG. Strike threats . ETC. Here I am finding myself stuck in Abuja during the #occupynigeria movement…  So all my plans of Kano, Kaduna & Yola were dead. SO I quietly #occupyiedAbuja from Asokoro, Garki & my best friend’s Aamina’s place. Made the most of my time; and looking for a way to escape Abuja… I was lucky enough to have a whole lot of great friends who stood by me during that  » hard » period… hahahahaha. so I got to #occupy Vanilla Abuja of my friend Edoro Abebe that I strongly recommend & my friend Noushy took me to her daily joint Casa Linda. I was also lucky to eat several times at #Chopsticks , awesome chinese food … So as an occupier de luxe, I couldn’t miss a visit to MB Spa for a moroccan bath & an awesome moment of relaxation. Asap as Abuja airport opened i was off to Lagos with my niece/Sister/Friend Huwaila where in 24 hours I was able to go drop all my plenty fabrics at Zizi Cardow shop in Lagos. And chase Pamela Boateng’s contact to get Ohenebagz (seen before on Ronke in Dakar) for my mum & I. Last but not least my escape to Ene Maya , tastefully decorated shop in Surulere & pack few turbans -recommended by my sistafriend Joy Anuli Eze , the lady behind the famous hair label Hair Glamour International,.-… I forgot to mention my afternoon spent at Otis’ Place -somewhere in VI- with my bro Jeje , hehehehehe (those who know know)…   I stopped at Tiffany Amber’s shop in Shoprite Lekki but thank God I was already broke . So Guyz next time before you think Paris, Joburg or New York (my francophone peeps) , don’t forget Lagos , where creativity & energy meet… So Don’t ask me where I am from again, coz I feel also like am Naija for Life. And like my sister Hauwa said when I landed in Nigeria  » Welcome back home »…


How to resist to a man on a first date??

Ok girls, you met that guy, he is cute , hot , you have been chatting on facebook or twitter, or else, You have met him mostly with friends around … You have had that dirty talk on the phone . And you have been single for some times… Swearing to yourself that the next one will be the ONE – dreamz do come true some times *my sarcastic tone* – … And in the end after all these weeks or months he asks you out on a date. You age doesn’t matter , you are just stressed, excited, shaking & a bit feeling « like a virgin »…hahahahaha… nO worries . You don’t want to give it to him event though you have been longing for a bit of sexcitement in a long time. I just thought of few ideas to help you resist to your natural urge to let go  – think about all the pain you will save to yourself-.

So here are few tips on how to close your legs on a first date:

1-Don’t shave … it works indeed. you dont want to pass for mother bear , don’t you. he might be put off forever.

2-Meet him during your periods… who wants to be a first time in a blood bath?

3-Wear your ugliest panty – or make sure u tear it in order to have a disgusting hole-…No matter how much your lust is high you will be frozen everytime you think about your « uglypanty »

4-Tell him about all your money problems, etc. (the risk is you might never see him again). But with this one he might drop u home even before the dessert or disappear for good in the restaurant.

5- Drink your chinese diet tea around noon, so that the timing will be perfect for a super Diarrhea & stomach ache after the dinner. Who wants to spend an evening in a fine man’s bathroom .lool. your excuse will be  » I think something didn’t work with my stomach » with an embarassed smile.

6-If you are Christian just remember the last preaching on fornication at church & how Hell is ready to welcome you …

7- If you are Muslim remember the heat of Hell for fornicators… frightening isn’t it

8- Have a close look at his left hand or find out if he is married . And remember the last married man you went out with kept you as a mistress for an an endless time. you don’t want to go through all that BS don’t you?

9- oK he is single but has been single for so long that nobody recalls the name of his last long lasting relationship… there is something fishy girl. Don’t fall in the trap . Some guyz  are born to be bachelors for life ; SAVE YOURSELF THE PAIN.

10- If you just couldn’t hold it,then I hope it was at least worth it & be ready for whatever happens afterwards good or bad. Remove that guilty feeling girl coz you made your choice in the end.

Be Empowered