“If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it. If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place.” – Nora Roberts
Having been the only child of a early widowed mother in the 70’s I was raised with the following mantra » your degrees & your job are the first husband of a woman ». Restlessly I worked my way through school and grew up as a very in dependant person. My mothers’ sisters & cousins were equally hard working strong women. So obviously I grew up in the kind of atmosphere where men r husbands but not an essential accessory to a woman’s survival. Did that shape who I am today? Certainly. But becoming a mother and a home CEO, I have been facing situations that really made me understand that men have another function in our lives (apart from sex & carried the husband’s tag). Honestly when I take my car, all I want is just open the door & start the engine. I expect drivers to check all issues related to insurance, maintainance , wheels, etc to report to my assistant who will then settle the matter, my only required action being to sign for payment. But when recently it occurred that the driver didn’t pay attention to some documents (don’t ask me which ones) expiry date, I just had a sudden revelation (actually it has been pending for years) : I am not Wonder Woman! And I need others to help and assist me and obviously that other should preferably a man dear to my heart. So whatever myth I have been entertaining for over 30 years, thinking that I could do it all by myself, it collapsed gently giving me the opportunity to test the needy woman in me. Yippi! I know, it will not be easy to change behavior overnight but just make a step forward and ASK what you need when you realize it takes more than your EGOcentric YOU to change the world. And try it at work , with your friends & family. Your shoulders will feel so much lighter. No you are not the keeper of all the planet know how! And you are not a Island so get yourself together & open that mouth to Ask. No it is not a degrading act to ask for help. If we were able to sort ourselves, we wouldn’t be living on earth. So The same way you like helping everybody is the same way others will -most of the time- gladly help you. And Men ( real ones) love giving a helping to Ladies. So use ( without any abuse) that charming smile to simplify your life. Kick that « superior » look out of your face and come back to earth among humans.
Afraid of « no »? WhaT do you have to lose when someone says no.? You think it is Self Esteem or pride? B.S in reality you ain’t losin’ notin’ babe! Just realizing that yes is not by force & that no can be turned into “Next Opportunity” instead of complaining about your « not even lost » dignity. So if you get a no ( you won’t die of it trust me) move on until you meet a yes. And if it pains you it is because you allowed it to. And getting few « nos » really has a positive impact on the Self Sufficient ego! The first time, it is shocking and painful. « How can someone say no to Me », but then as time passes by,you will become a « No » management expert. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
Try and believe me you will enjoy a new form of contentment. Been there done that and even though the SSB is still showing up at times I am aware that she needs to disappear once in a while and let me be!