Open letter to our Men

Dear Men in our lives& in our Hearts,

Today is our Official Day , we the women in your lives,  a day where everyone must be reminded our rights to be respected, to have access to work, education, water, health treatment, in short to equality of treatment. I know many speeches will be said regarding all these primary topics so I will not be boring you with more statistics & figures. Beside my purpose is this letter is to remind you a fundamental right of women: the right to be LOVED & CHERISHED by you. Yes, dear companion in Life, partner, husband, boyfriend, we are entitled to the best you have to give: Yourself. We do need you in our lives despite our independent manners, don’t be fooled: we are not self sufficient at all. In order to blossom in our careers & in our daily life, we need you. You are an essential supporter, provider in our endeavors. We want equality but we are not striving for insanity. Only your masculine presence can enhance our feminine strength & our seductive side. Without you or even a perspective of you, we could lose the balance we need to be strong women. Yes, beloved man, we want you to go in that shop & come back home with some sexy lingerie for us. Yes we do appreciate you to stop at the food store and bring us a fruit filled basket. Yes, we do feel pride in having you enjoying the delicious meals we cook for you. Even if you shower us with diamonds, remember that none of them could replace the quality time we could spend with you. One life to live & memories are made of this sum of events we share with you, experiencing various emotions that only loving you can create.
Dear husband, boyfriend, fiancé, darling , “chéri”, “querido”  please let us be ourselves with you .and feel free to be who you really are with us! Isn’t real companionship about laughter & friendship? Some of the best moments of life are also spent out of the bedroom. So keep in mind that we are more than a body, we have a brain & we think. Capisci? Even though many changes occurred during the past 25 years, we haven’t grown any beard yet – stop laughing!-  and we are still women with curves & attraction power. But beyond that traditional power attribute, we are now empowered & it doesn’t mean we strive for power the way you men see it –sitting on the top of the world like a African King-. Empowered means being aware of our capacities and identify our passions, in order to live a fulfilled life to be positive mothers, understanding sisters and supportive daughters! Empowered means make our own choices of wearing a Hijab or a mini-skirt , without being criticized Islamist or prostitute. Empowered indicates our freedom of choice to being sexy without being called trashy. Empowered means having full understanding and ownership of our bodies and make love not only for procreation but also to communicate physically and emotionally with you our beloved. We are now courageous enough to guide you in the complex map of our femininity. Empowered means having our voices heard to educate our girls to be response able women & our boys to be men who will love, care and cherish their women. So please
don’t turn your back to us because we seem so strong. We are still vulnerable! We need to feel your protective presence, a glance of approval in your eyes & experience your male aura in our surroundings. If we are seem unbreakable from the outside, we still are fragile inside! So come handle us with care. And to claim it is not a weakness, but just the right given to us since we have been empowered. Tears are no more a sign of weakness but just a loud call to you! Come give us a hug , whisper few comforting words. We need a man’s hand to wipe our tears & lead us into the battleground!  Empowered  means exercising our free choice, we CAN chose to spend our life with the one we love, to repair the damages of  feminine genital mutilation with surgery, to send our children to school, to enjoy making love to you –the right to pleasure-, to leave an abusive husband or father, to be single until you cross our path. So Men in our hearts & in our lives, we are not trying to be you, we only want you to love us as who we are, a complete person in search of a merger with another complete person to live and share the best life has to offer!

Happy International Women’s day to all the men in our lives!


Some like it big

Horny males turn heads and roll eyes whenever she walks by their side and within their sight, displaying her generous backside. While she moves herself slowly, back straight, and head up, their dirty minds are racing, craving for her generous bust and outrageously curvy and swinging hips . Yes African beauty queen, it is you I am describing. The hidden or declared fantasy of every man from Casablanca to Cape Town and Asmara  to Praia. Your figure depicts perfectly the voluptuous African woman before the “DIET”. Who told you healthy equals to skinny?  But in spite of all the warnings, you persisted even after you reached your ideal weight. Day after day, your feminine attributes started vanishing, leaving your man with a bitter taste of nostalgia   remembering when he would tease you  with a desire filled « Darling u are just my size » .

What happened to you? Were you sick? Are the questions you get day and night from the majority of the men. Your obsession of becoming the new « slenderness » icon of your town has failed & vanished as surely as your bouncy booty and your juicy body. One relief though: All your girl friends still envy you .Nevertheless you dislike the way your Man glances at Femi’s sexy body. Those are the moments when you really wonder “Why? Why? Why did I have to lose all that weight?” It is not as if you were attracted to European men – they seem to enjoy skinny girls- or if you lived anywhere above the Mediterranean Sea. The fact of the matter is that you live right here in Dakar, Lagos, Libreville or Douala. Kingdoms of males worshipping fleshy bodies and abhorring   bony figures.

Honestly speaking, did you have to shed all these kilos/pounds? The mirror reflects the image of a lady with high cheekbones with more bones than cheeks. Chaley! Is that really you? But the worst part being at night when his soft palms caress your body in search for your lost attributes of African feminity. His gestures are loudly complaining every time he is by your side. You can guess it even though he doesn’t say it “Darling your bones are hurting me. His eyes are begging you “Darling please get your body back” .His whole being begging to feel your Body.

Guilty feelings. Why did I want to look like a top model when am just a real woman, living in a real world full of real men? So your fulfilled fantasy of a skinny you has slowly turned into a nightmare? It feels like a part of your womanhood fled with some kilos/pounds. Sorry Girl. Just get back to your good old rice, pounded yam & soup diet. Allow me to laugh out loud! Sorry Laugh Wan Kill me! It will fit back right in your hips. How do you position yourself between the paradox where all your dresses love you, your friends envy your new shape but your African King  just wants your old self back. « Darling who told you to lose so much weight? »

 That little voice inside of you whispers to your ego: If only I had known. Despising that Ego who wanted a thinner you, parading in tight little dresses. Live & Learn Mam! Next time remember that life is not your favorite glossy magazine and some (I am afraid to say many)  like it Big down here in Africa!