Would you Date Yourself?

That is a tough one people and when I first read that question in a magazine , I first ignored it – too afraid to face myself? Maybe…

Anyway as my brain being obsessive – or should I say stubborn?-, it would let me rest until I thought it over. So I looked for a modus operandum to get a clear vision of who I am as a person.


I am so arrogant and self assured that honestly I feel sorry for whoever has to deal with me, I have a very big mouth – meaning I never lose an opportunity to use it and sharpen it like a razor if need be-. I hardly take no as an answer -hell yes! – These features of my character alone make me fear meeting another me. I am so hyperactive that I wake in the middle of the night and think, create,  write…Hey Baby come back to bed! Who wants to sleep with a freak!! I am impatient, have high expectations in human relationships and I have the discipline of a General ( most of the time). So I am a challenge to live with. Please I don’t think I could honestly cope with me! I confess..

Honestly ,I have a lot of respect for the PEOPLE who deal with me ON A REGULAR base.  It sure  takes a MAN to handle my multiple disorders personality. As a matter of fact , I don’t think I would  ENJOY dealing with myself!Word! It doesn’t mean I don’t love myself but I don’t know if I could spend a life with a person who is like me.

Ok so be truthful to yourself and answer: would you date yourself?

I Am sure you want to ask me: Why don’t you change?

I am trying each day but it is not that easy and also maybe he/she loves you for what you can’t cope about  yourself!

So MAYBE A STRONG PARTNERSHIP IS ALSO ABOUT HAVING SOMEONE WHO ENJOYS LOOKING AT YOU IN THE MIRROR, WHEN YOU CAN’T ALWAYS STAND YOUR SELF REFLECTION. There is a certain balance in complementing each other’s personalities, even though looking towards the same direction & sharing a common vision about life is a major value added.

Be Empowered


Curiosity Killed The Cat…

Some of us want to know everything at all cost about their companion! Who is he/she calling? Where did he/she go? Who is he/she sending or receiving sms from? So because you are married or in a relationship with someone you believe you have a natural right on their phones, and movements. I am sure many have been tempted by checking on his/her phone calls or sms and even his/her mailbox. Ok you found some kinky or ambiguous text message or an incoming call from the mother or father of his 2 kids. Or the person who sent the text wrote: I miss you darling… At first you are pissed off. But you now have the evidence you were looking for – otherwise why did you scan the phone?-, then you are hurt – you looked for it isn’t it? And then you are gained by sadness – I thought we were happy together-! . And last but not least you cannot   complain about it  : how are you going to say you found out?  So like the cat who was wondering what is inside the river you are drowning…  Alone.

And how could you possibly attack someone who obviously shows you love everyday just over assumptions made on the basis of a text message. This is the 21st century Dearie, « Darling » is so overrated. So calm down and concentrate on facts. Ok doubts have invaded your mind & you can’t deal with it? Then keep the name in mind and do some innocent namedropping  » Maami Attah » -lol the bitch’s name- & watch your mate’s reaction. If he is cool then relax , if he gets agitated, relax too because once caught men are careful. Wise guys at least! Regarding the parent of his/her children you don’t have a say in it. Just pretend to ask about him/her before you boil with free jealousy. If they still wanted to be together, you wouldn’t fit in the landscape. So instead of committing emotional suicide, mind your own business, keep your hands off other peoples phone and make sure you delete any ambiguous message in yours. If you did it your partner might do it too.

Don’t drown in assumptions and enjoy your life !


I just called to say I love you,…

…I just called to say how much I care. Which woman doesn’t dream of hearing the man in her life (luckily & hopefully the same who is in her heart) whisper softly these lyrics in her ears? Mmm. I have hoped , waited , dreamt of it, carelessly romantic. After hours of debates, my friends and I reached to the following conclusion: those who tell you too easily  » I love you » after  one or two days could be just infatuated or in lust with you. But not always though … – giving some romantic dude out there the benefit of the doubt-.

He never says I love you

Truth of the matter being that our African male will cherish you, feed you, provide for you , guaranty you with a roof over your head, make sure you are well dressed, in short will take care of you properly. He will show you how important you are to him in many ways but before he tells you the 3 words , 8 letters that you expect you will have to wait. Generally in our various African cultures, parents didn’t teach their kids how to express & show love. How many of our parents were telling us I love you or how many dads did we witness saying the “I love you “  to our mothers. Yeah , yeah, very few indeed.  So what should you do? Claim for it? Cry? Beg? None of the above is a valid behavior. Men are not as expressive as we are. they will show us their love in a million way but they won’t tell us the « I love you » we fantasize about.Are we just childish? The best attitude is to enjoy the signals and testimonies of love he sends towards you. And please stop questioning yourself about whether he loves you or not. A man doesn’t go out of his way for a woman he doesn’t care about. Deep down in your heart you know the truth about his feelings, so chill!

Shoud I tell him instead?
Yes. Relax and tell him. Unlike us, they need to be reassured constantly. So if you love him and feel like telling him, talk to him. Don’t hold it in the name of « he never tells me I love you ». You are powerful because you express freely your love. And a loving woman is attractive and sexy – I am not talking about stalking but loving-.
As everything else in life practice the rule of balance: By learning to know your life partner, you will evaluate the best moment to say it:
– certainly not in a midst of a great exciting soccer game
– Not when he is in an animate conversation with his friends

– Not when his mind is busy sorting some business issues
– Anytime you feel he needs confort -Whenever you enjoy some quality time
-In the mornings before he leaves for work
-after an argument ( its depends though if the issue has been sorted)

Don’t be to repetitive or harassing, and remember that you chose to be together because of a strong bond called love. Love means respect for each other not submission or slavery. #Just saying coz some sisters think that calling him every other second to tell him « baby l love you », will show him that no woman can love him as much as you do and therefore keep him. As much as I have noticed excess of « lovism » can become annoying too. Don’t stare at me like that? The rule of balance means saying the right thing, at the right time and the right way. So if you want to tell him you can also be creative and make the most of the technologies at our disposal:
– a short meaningful text message
-an email in the middle of the day
-a black berry messenger
-a classic handwritten note or card slipped in his briefcase
-a post it on the bathroom mirror
And any other media (ways lol) you can think of
-a compilation of beautiful love songs
As simple as « I love you «   can be, you don’t have to say it as it is all the time. so get out of your way, even with the content of your message:
– share a love quote with him
  – make a beautiful prayer for him
  -write him a love letter
  -remind him wonderful time spent together filled with love
  -show him love (learn from him because African men know how to show love when they are hooked for real)

Don’t feel bad or sad if he doesn’t react to your words , it doesn’t mean he didn’t appreciate it but he is just an African man with different values. He might not react like Richard Gere in pretty woman but he loves you otherwise he wouldn’t wake up next to you every morning!
So enjoy the love signs and show him how much you love him.

Keep on Loving

Did your soulmate cross your path yet?

Once upon a time… This how we have imagined the beginning of our love life, but the truth was a bit different from the fairy tales. How many of us have expected to encounter his soulmate? How many disappointments, tears, bitter arguments? And we are still searching , some are hopeless others hopeful. However what if we had a biased expectation of the « soulmate » concept? What if a « soul mate » was not unique in a lifetime but a sum of encounters that have a significant impact on your perception of events & things? Maybe heartbreaks were just an awakening to grow in a more sensitive person? I am just thinking aloud though…
We women tend to regret our lost love or try to hang on long gone memories. Why not cherish them as a way on our life path that made us who we are. Let’s bless those who have hurt us for having shaken our heart in ways we couldn’t even think of. In ways that have helped us grow in life sometimes even before growing up properly. So let’s look back and review those who crossed our path, how did they touch your life? Think about it…
How many times did you love with a certain intensity? Did it always turn into a relationship? So why did you have to experience such feelings? Was it an initiatic way to prepare your great expected finale ?: meeting The soul Mate. Or were those emotions the spare parts of what we call or qualify as soul mate?

Who said a Soul Mate has to stay? Once having accomplished his/her purpose in your life ( even if it is for a second), and creates an awareness that will cause a shift in your senses, your soulmate might have to let you continue your journey through life.
So maybe there are no lost love but gained perceptions.Maybe u hv crossed your soul mate but you were too busy expecting a Prince on a horse who will take you to his Castle. Maybe there are many of them who impacted your person but you never opened your heart to their positive input, your ego being to busy lamenting about a break up? So let us rewind, press stop & try to thank whatever happened in our love lives for it had made us who we are. And relax, even if he/she is just passing, it might be The Soul Mate responsible for your awakening. I want to thank here those who came on my way and bless them for who I am & what they have brought into me as a being. Stop questionning yourself about any outcome and LIVE!
Copyright Naboulove