FRIENDS: HOW DO THEY CHOOSE YOU?

The world is a big fake hole in which you have to survive with a whole lot of people whether you like it or not,Even Robinson Crusoe had his Friday on his desert Island soo how do they rate you on their scale of relationships, why do they stick to you & you bear with them? Is it a real friendship or are you just acquainted? What are the codes that reunites you to them, Is it a genuine affection, a deep friendship, a common sense of style, the same professional background? Let’s take one step at a time & maybe you will identify who is who is in your entourage.

1-Those who want to know where you come from
Most of us have had the fate to either grow up or live abroad , so in the process we have been asked more than once “ Where do you come from?” When in the UK , US or France, you will certainly specify where you belong? “ Africa” vaguely to any Caucasian, West Indian or African American. From that minute & their attitude, they will either accept you , without questioning you or they will find out more about your “Africanity” : which country etc. I remember in England in the eighties , people used to ask me if I was sleeping in a tree & if I was living with wild animals around. My experience in Japan was the most hilarious, the notion of Africa as a continent was quite unclear in the 90’s, in spite of the Ghanaian & Nigerian hanging around Roppongi area… Most of them were dressing like American Rappers & obviously claiming to be so. Anyway I am disgressing, when you meet another “Black person” you will ask him “ Where are you from?” you expect the name of a country as an answer & most of the time living abroad creates communities in those foreign countries in which people get together , & befriend mostly because of their cultural similarities : religious, village, tribe, country. Most of the time you will find in the short or longer term that being from the same village or tribe is not always enough to be a real “ friend” . Think about it. Distance & exile create invisible links that may be cut once you all meet at home, realizing how different you all are in fact.
2-The posers who only care about what you represent
When you are the great executive, talented designer, successful business person , or highfly housewife, everybody wants to be your friend , some out of genuine admiration, others out of frustrated envy or just because they need to have you in their address book as an essential accessory. Every time they need a little push, you could easily hear them around your back “ Oh Funmi is my very good friend, there is nothing she could refuse me..” , they will intrude your life at all cost, invade your workplace or home, be nice & friendly to you & your friends, stress you with alls & sms’s …UNTIL..until you make the great fall or have a big issue in your life. We don’t wish it but we all know what life is ade of ups & down , so we accept them & move through them.
So the famous Aisha who was claiming to be Funmi’s “Very good friend” will just vanish in the air , looking for another rising or shining star. Do you recognize anyone there? Are you sure he, will still be playing Best Friend when you will go through life’s hardship? Look around & run away before it’s too late.
3-The look & style sisters , who rate you according to what you wear
I plead guilty , because I love to look good; & I do admit having few fashion items in my dressing, & as well as anyone, I appreciate classy & elegant people. BUT. Yes there is a BUT, I don’t want anybody to befriend me because I am carrying a designer bag. Hell no! I am worth more than a piece of nappa leather and few grams of gold. I am a person. So when the other day a good friend Mrs S. called me to tell me how she became friend with a girlshe met at the jewelry store in Place Vendôme Paris, where they were servicing their watches, the same ones, I was a bit skeptical. The two Ladies met again in Abidjan in their watch talk , but after having finished all the topics of watch, shoes, bags,& clothes, they had nothing else to share. Isn’t that boring? As far as 25 I could live for my looks but after that you have no excuse to pick people according to only that. Especially when you can have both: A very elegant real friend.
4-Who you are as a person
That’s what even super stars want to be loved for, those who see you beyond your belonging, your looks, your job, your family, those who feel you as a human being. They feel you more than they see you & they learn to love you with you qualities & flaws, they will take the time to listen to you talking about the consequences of your negative choice, without judging you. They will push you to become a better version of yourself as much as you will do so for them. That rare gem takes the time to understand you & be in phase your inner self. And the older you grow, the more you will express the need for that kind of relationship, nurtured by LOVE. But as any other human encounter, you will have to take the risk to love in return that dear friend, who could even live thousands of km afar from you, but who keeps you in his/her heart no matter what. When you meet these special friends, you feel transformed & different which in fact is not the case, they just help you bring out the real you, the best in you that was dormant. So open your heart & make a sign, to get a wave back from that special soul sister or brother.

Did THIS give you a clear mapping of your entourage? Yes?No? Maybe? Open your heart…

NABOULOVE©DEC 2009

Une réflexion sur “ FRIENDS: HOW DO THEY CHOOSE YOU? ”

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