The Rules!

Recently I have been obsessed by some funny thought: who made the following rules those who create terrible damages in our self-esteems.So let me continue in my favorite free style a listing of the rules:

1-A man must be richer than a woman or make more money.

Is that so? so is that the reason why the new breed of  highly educated well paid beautiful Ladies ares still single? I can name a dozen from Casablanca to Cape-Town. Men do you feel castrated by a successful woman. Giirlz tell me what’s wrrong with dating a nice young exec? It happens that most of the sisters who try to adjust to a lower income dude end up being used or abused by a man who tend to develop inferiority complex. So that rule may apply unless Ladies you find the fine black man who is free of complex & secure about his other qualities .Let’s not be desesperate the rare phenomenon exists & might be waiting for you somewhere. Just make sure sisters that you keep a rather low profile on your income at the first dates otherwise you might just attract a gold digger.

2-A man must be taller than his woman.

Does size matter when in bed? obviously not but in terms of aesthetic some girlz have criterias to which they stick until they meet prince charming who is everything but 6 feet tall. So what do yo settle for ? Are you ready to trade the gentleman with the tall bushman? Life is a choice & the inner value of a person might be worth more than his height.

3-A man must be older than his woman.

That sounds so cliché & outdated but some stick to it in their male chase. So Koffi is the best date you have had in years, he has a decent job, seems hardworking & willing to commit but the day he told you his age « I am 32 » , you almost had a heart attack!!! he looked much older than that you assumed he was a solid 36 to 40 years old & could fit in your shopping list. Unfortunately life aint easy & women tend to look young at 40 & beyond which makes them attractive preys for younger guys who generally think they are dealing with same age mate  women. STOP having that disgusted look! If Koffi is mature enough & has good manners & above all loves you as much as you do then what is the problem? Oh you are thinking about people. It is none of their business what counts is what YOU want & what PLEASES YOU. So if you feel Koffi is good enough for you then Go for Koffi & enjoy the relationship  & why not your marriage. Character is what counts not numbers.

4-Mother in laws are wicked witches

The best In-Law relationship I had was with one the worst relationship i have had soooo… Legend doesn’t make rules & if you have a mother like mine, your Mother in law will be terrified, trust me. You marry the man , not the family unlike they teach us in our African culture. I assume you have received a good home education & you are respectful to elders , so stick to it as well as minding your own business which is YOU & YOUR MAN. To avoid problems avoid slippery comments as well as opiniated ideas about his family, so that you will see the witch syndrom reduced to a minimum. Be careful of the « I am too friendly inlaw » who might just gain to your trust in order to interfere in your private decision. So remember, your Mother in law is a mother to be respected but she is not your mother & she certainly is not your friend. I sure have few examples of exemplary mothers in law but they always work for the best interrest oof their son whatsoever , so make sure you remain being their son’s best interest.

5-One must be married to have kidz

I come from a very muslim background so I think it is questionable, but I believe that after a certain age , if you havent found the right shoe & that your fertility level might decline , i think you have to take a quick decision. It is your life & it is your choice don’t let any one hold you from enjoying Motherhood if you feel ready for it. Make sure you have a clear & honest discussion with your family & man . Also remember that GOD is LOVE & forgiveness & don’t let anyone come between you & your faith.

6-A woman must not leave the father of her kids

That’s the saying & honestly I do believe that one should stay in a realionship or marriage for the good sake of the children but also for her own good. No One should force you to stay in an unhealthy relationship where motherhood becomes the trap in which an abusive man keeps you. Unless you want to have traumatized kids that will grow up with many personality issues. I grew up with just my mum as my dad died early & i was always tagged as a very balanced child so… I just think that one very loving & balanced parent is better than 2 broken ones. So don’t forget staying for the sake of the kid doesn’t end up being the best decision for them. Children need a happy Mum & a happy Dad.

So please be selfish & make the right choice coz life ain’t a rehearsal.





My Nanowrimo 2009 Experience

On How to write a Novel in 30 days?

How did I get Myself into National Novel Writing Month? I still wonder…I already had an ongoing writing project,I have been writing on for the last 5 months, doing it for my pleasure & at my pace. Then reading & googling through the internet, i accidentally found & I registered. I had no idea on what I was going to write at first but as I registered on Oct 8th , I still had  » weeks to think about a theme, a plot , characters & all those things that make a novel. I reduced drastically my facebook procarstination & gathered vague ideas on what could be my novel outline. I found a title, which was good enough for me to start from & then I couldn’t way for nov 1st to come. I joined the Africa , Elsewhere group & the France Group, as I didn’t feel ready to take the risk of writing a full novel in English. I felt a bit lonely with the 2/3 Kinshasa wrimos lost on the site & hopefully made one or two very nice writing buddies. For once, i didn’t procrastinate, as i hate being in the loosers’ camps & I managed to write up to date 43009 words. But I must confess the following:

  1. I am a word perfectionnist & i feel like correcting all the time
  2. My Facebook wrimos & writing buddies have been helpful in encouraging me , so dont do it alone, it’s depressing
  3. I go back & forth in the story, changing who my MC is (main character) but i have a story
  4. Quoting Hemingway « the first draft of anything is crap » I feel relieved coz my novel is crap at that stage,
  5. I have no clue on the end of my story so i will just let it flow until i reach 50K & hopefully will get back to it in 2010 when I finish my current story
  6. I am proud of myself…
  7. I hope i can post again next week & tell you I won , I won.

So folks I hope next yea i will drag more African wrimos in with me in the challenge, I never though i would have made it , given my multiple activities & my kids . But yes You can was saying to me that little voice.

I must thank Steve Jobs as my Iphone has been a valuable partner, as i could write bits & pieces on it until i passed 43K , and know i have to go writing, twittering, then facebooking. So see you at 50K. It feels good to write write write even with rthe frustration of my inner editor.


The tale of my hair gone nappy…

After years of relaxing, coloring, breading, weaving & extending my persecuted black hair, i made a vow on that day of Dec 2008:  » I shall not relax my hair for few years » how many years? asked my mum, I just couldn’t answer, ignored the question & decided to respect that early year 2009 resolution. Oh My what a journey it has been. I learned that this phase is called transitioning. Waouh. From chemically processed hair to baby virgin hair? Anyway , the only way i found to look sexy enogh while doing it , was ….. « Braiding » then « weaving » my hair. Yes honestly , i only feel confident & sexy with my Brazilian bunch of bought hair flowing around my face but that doesn’t stop me from proudly claiming to whoever i meet  » I stopped relaxing my hair! ». Some look at me like i lost my head by wanting to loose my hair’s ability to be straightened; others woyld grin doubtfully & there is another category who encourage me but still remind me that  » Are you going to carry an afro » ironically. Anyway, i stuck to my choice, alternatively breading & weaving my hair, progressively cutting all the relaxed ends & now 10 months later, I must admit that I am quite happy with the result. My hair feels so soft & silky, unlike what we have always thought of our nappy wool. And I feel so proud of myself even though i still carry my sexy weaves, waiting for the day my Afro grows so that i can spot it along with my stilish designer lol outfits. So whoever wants to try & take the step forward, you won’t regret it. I feel so Ecological & Green since then , & I know that next year-InshAllah- I will face more Hair Challenges as millions of black women around the world. So sisterz I just accepted that BLACK HAIR IS…NATURAL & INDEED BEAUTIFUL.