WANNA BE A NAIJA WIFEY? By Meena Kaoje

 Meena

Here are the rules!

 

1. Thou shall not be a no long tins BABE (you know what I mean?)

2.Thou shall not lack in booby, nyansh and hips. If you must, please lack only one and find a way to make up for it.(naija man loves defense and attack die!)

3.Thou shall NOT be a down to earth, real or ride or die chick. I.e. all those ruff, rugged and raw « tell it as it is » girls, NOT WERKING.

4. Thou shall not scout for husband on facebook …majority lie about status and all those effyzie and cream lifestyle mostly na fake

5.Thou shall not go to club to find husband… YOU GO JONZ!!

6. Thou shall not drink hard liquor or beers.

7. Thou shall not have daddy issues (victims of divorced parents and dysfunctional families … keep it to yourselves).

8. Thou shall not lack culinary skills. Perfect the art of egusi, ogbono and all variations of rice. Home Economics is in order

9.Thou shall not be a « posh sturvs ». Sushi or lasagne…uh ..Really?

Thou shall not knack ya head when you have a weave. Furthermore, on no account should you be caught scratching and flicking the condiments into thin air. That is simply DISGUSTING.

10. SARCASM IS A NO NO)

11.PHD IS AN ABORMINATION

12.If thou must study a masters, please please, remember to dumb down when hanging with his friends.

13. Thou shall not reveal your sexploits prior to meeting me…always say i no sabi!

14. Thou shall NOT be an independent woman.(all those « I can pay my own bills » bullshit… Basically, LONG TINS).

15. Thou shall not be opinionated or well informed (WARNING: This might come off as intimidating. Besides, no one likes a miss know it all).

16. Thou shall not be overly friendly. All those social butterflies and jovial, Personalities…BEWARE.

17. Thou shall not be anti-social when it comes to his family. You have to GET IN THERE FULLY. dobale is very essential

18.Thou shall not hunt in packs (warning to girls with bosom bodies that can’t be separated

19.Thou shall NOT be loud. Keep your voice to a minimum always

20.Thou shall not appear to be having too much fun on the dance floor. When it comes to dancing, keep it simple (Dutty winders and grinders,stanky leg and some shit… IT’S NOT HAPPENING).

21. Thou shall not think about breaking this next commandment. The ULTIMATE,IF NOT YOU ARE going to roast….It Will be an OYO STATE (on your own)
LADIES PLEASE PLEASE AND PLEASE DO NOT GO TO THE BEDROOM WITH ANY WRAPPER, NIGHT SHIRT,WHITE TOP GEL OR SHELLY ON YOUR FACE. If you must Do all the above, LADIES, BURN THOSE GOLD AND BLACK HAIR NETS.

Girls, we are all guilty of owning a hair net or 2.And we now know that all the commandments above suggests that you must be a babe on POINT constantly.

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