WHAT’S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT….? by Buhle Mncube

A classic case scenario…….

A group of friends are invited to a party, its sounds like it’s gonna be hip, hot and happening not to mention the bunch of handsome dudes who will be hosted and toasted. Single girls get excited and they want to look their best. Throughout the week it’s the fake nails shibang, the hair waxing agony and definately the eyebrow twizzing bit! They have to out smart each other, after all they are single and with every outing, there comes a never dying hope that : ‘tonite is the night, I will meet The One’! Oh yes, the interesting life of singletons….they live on the edge, hoping and praying that destiny will finally bring them closer to the happily-in-love ever after fairytale. Where ONLY love will see them through the rough tidal waves of marital bliss.

Come party night, damn the sistas are literally dressed to kill (in killer stilettos) and to impress, as per invitation requirement. The venue is posh, the atmosphere is electrifying, the vibe can be felt from the outside and of course…the brothers are there too in full force. Shining and shimmering in different shades, shapes and sizes. Blinging in designer stuff as they are also on the look out for their biggest ‘kill’. This is the jungle…survival of the tallest!

As the girls move in, the man hunt begins. It’s the ’emotional connection’ type of thing. You look at the ones that has your taste in style, the height, the eyes, the colour co-ordination, the smell and you spot one that fits your script and you think…..’that’s him, I’ve found him! Pity the numbers are not balancing, as they usually don’t, there are five other women who are eyeing this same man. It’s a matter of who can play well in the flirting game! Survival of the smartest, in and out or rather in the male kingdom, it’s the survival of who looks cheap, tartish and drunk enough to bag home after the party…..for a one night stand!

In every party you go to, there are three types of guys:

Guy No.1.
He’s all over the place, loud, bold and wants to be the centre of attention. He’s good at playing a host, he’s welcoming, he’s funny (or so he thinks) depending on your fishing target or mood that night. He can either charm you or blatantly annoy your nerves until you are drunk enough to start a conversation with him and let loose about how much you hate a man in a pair of John Drake shoes (a pair he happens to be wearing at this particular party). You write him off, he’s gonna be too much work trying to lecture about fashion basics. Track pants don’t go with formal shoes dude and he doesn’t seem to hold a good conversation either, repeating his lousy story to everyone. He’s drunk because he’s celebrating a promotion….he’s moved a rank up and is now a crane operator! Nice hey but, Out..!.

Guy No 2.
This type I refer as the ‘full package’, what all the vultures are looking for. Usually very stylish, tall, handsome, smells and looks a million dollars . He knows he’s a charmer but wants to come across as being the modest guy next door. In reality he does suffer from an ego as big as a fridge freezer. A bit shy to approach people and strike a conversation (or maybe a bit pompous) but very open once he breaks the ice. Now and again will be moving around mingling with a glass of something more pricey, just so the girls can cleverly distinguish and separate ‘men from boys’. Looks cool, plays cool and you think…..yeah he’s ‘The One! Only problem is, all eyes are on him, so you don’t stand much chance. You sashay around with a glossy pout and a twinkle in your eyes trying to get his full attention. All of a sudden he becomes the ‘hunted’ and he’s secretly enjoying it….unspoken words, just different body language strategies that women use to flirt. The girls are undergoing ’emotional’ catfight thinking who’s getting his mobile number first. They look each other down trying to indirectly see who’s the fairiest of them all. Does he like my weave…? I think he fancies blondes….Naaah, I think he prefers the natural look and at every opportunity they would walk pass him so he can pick his choice! Woow, lucky guy isn’t he? Lion King for real…..

Guy No. 3.
This is a ‘too- laid-back-for-my-liking’ type. He’s sat in the corner and nobody seems to give him any notice. He’s a bit on the chubby side and has the look that’s befitting for the chiefs, though you can tell he’s still young. All men are calling him ‘chief’ and this seems to annoy you a bit as he doesn’t look the part. Looks more like a high school principal to you. Not much of a drinker either, he’s been choking on a bottle of pineapple flavored Barcadi Breezer for nearly an hour now and for record, women don’t really fancy men who drink ‘women’ drinks (and Barcadi in pineapple is ‘very sisish’). Once and again the girls will take turns to pass by his table and dig their fake nails on the plate of nuts in front of him. And of course, to make fun of the fact that he’s wearing red socks with white shoes and a burgundy suit. He definately must be single and doesn’t get it. None of the glamour girls in fake weave are giving him a second look, all their undivided attention has been diverted to Guy 2. Lucky guy for sure. He’s the envy of the party…….

then the DJ turns down the volume and gets everybody’s attention. There’s an announcement:

« Can the driver of the Red Aston Martin V12 Vantage move his car where’s it’s parked please, somebody wants to move out »………and viola, guess who stands up?

Mr Guy no 3!! The « high school principal in a burgundy number »…. »the chief-lookalike »….. Yes him!!! to every woman’s surprise!!

So then what happens when he comes back?

He get’s every girls’ attention!! The very same girls who weren’t even bothered to give him a second glance, are now all over him or asking the host about this ‘guest’. You see…..women are all about security, and nothing else.

This guy was not given a second thought, let alone any attention but now when the girls realise what’s on offer, the tables are turned. In a split second, a woman meets a man and draws her final conclusions about the kind of ‘future’ she will have. She’s thinking:

1. if he’s driving an Aston Marton….so it’s not the only car he has. It’s one of many, so what does he do for a living? He must be a Big Boy and at this stage she doesn’t even know if this car belongs to him. What if he’s just a driver…;-)

2. so if he’s driving an Aston Martin, he definately owns a country estate and a few businesses. wooow, it gets better.

3. and if he owns an estate, then ‘our kids’ will go to Princeton and then straight to Harvard afterwards.

4. and if owns businesses, that means ‘we’ will be travelling first class all across the world and shopping in exotic destinations.

5. God knows what I’ll be getting for my birthdays, anniversarries and special occasions as gifts. Bling bling babes. You are the queen….

Amazing how sharp a woman’s brain is when securing a future deal! A man is thinking woow, she looks nice, how soon can I get her to bed and she’s thinking 5yrs ahead! Come let’s meet my parents. Oh my brothers will looove you….maybe we can go visit my aunt in Canada for Christmas…..or by the way my birhday is next week (yeah right, thought it was last month).

I usually have arguments with friends when they say, money has nothing to do it…..you wish hun. It has everything or most partly to do with it all. Even our families know this. Whenever you tell them you have met somebody who wants to marry you, their first question is: WHAT DOES HE DO? It’s never, Is he good looking? Is he tall? do you love him? but what does he do, is the first question. Why? Because they know that marriage primarily has nothing  to do with ‘love’ but everything to do with financial security for a woman.

(anybody with a healthy social life has either experienced, witnessed or can relate to this example!)

What’s your take on this? Women I say, are more about financial security than love? Please prove me wrong boys and girls…….;-)




Femme nue, femme noire
Vêtue de ta couleur qui est vie, de ta forme qui est beauté !
J’ai grandi à ton ombre ; la douceur de tes mains bandait mes yeux.
Et voilà qu’au cœur de l’Eté et de Midi, je te découvre, Terre promise, du haut d’un haut col calciné
Et ta beauté me foudroie en plein cœur, comme l’éclair d’un aigle.

Femme nue, femme obscure
Fruit mûr à la chair ferme, sombres extases du vin noir, bouche qui fais lyrique ma bouche
Savane aux horizons purs, savane qui frémis aux caresses ferventes du Vent d’Est

Tamtam sculpté, tamtam tendu qui grondes sous les doigts du vainqueur
Ta voix grave de contralto est le chant spirituel de l’Aimée.

Femme nue, femme obscure
Huile que ne ride nul souffle, huile calme aux flancs de l’athlète, aux flancs des princes du Mali
Gazelle aux attaches célestes, les perles sont étoiles sur la nuit de ta peau
Délices des jeux de l’esprit, les reflets de l’or rouge sur ta peau qui se moire
A l’ombre de ta chevelure, s’éclaire mon angoisse aux soleils prochains de tes yeux.

Femme nue, femme noire
Je chante ta beauté qui passe, forme que je fixe dans l’Eternel
Avant que le Destin jaloux ne te réduise en cendres pour nourrir les racines de la vie



ADVICE 1-50…According to BFP! Just some common sense, for finding common ground

Breathtakingly Fine Possibilities, a brutha who loves the sistas, a guide to the sistas to improve their love life , enjoy!!!

alright, sistas! he’s my top 50! i think this is a cool stopping point. next, i might do ‘advice for the bruhs’, but we’ll see.

i added 42 and 44 (which were missing), along with 48 thru 50! i’m interested in hearing your feedback. thanks for taking the time to indulge my attempt at sharing a bit of who i am through these words.

#1: Sure, having more male friends than female friends might be less drama, but it’s also probably the reason you’re still single. ;). Trust me when I say that a woman with too many males is very not sexy!!! TRUST ME!!! I’m a MAN, so i know how we feel about a woman with a lot of male friends. we’ll fuck her, but we’ll never totally give her our heart because we always feel in the back of our minds that she’s fucked all of her male friends!! …and i used the word ‘fuck/fucked’ purposely! 😉

#2: Hairy legs are NOT sexy, nor is too much pubic hair. Hairy legs and pubic hair were badges of honor as an adolescent, to prove you reached puberty, but once you get 18 or 19 shave or wax that sh*t off please…LOL at least neaten it up a lil bit 😉 it’s not sexy, sis!!!

#3: If you smoke cigarettes or weed (and hopefully not crack) and your man doesn’t have an issue with it, then he doesn’t really give a f*ck about you. Any man who will sit idly by and watch the woman in his life destroy hers with nicotine and marijuana ain’t worth a good goddamn. F*ck him and find somebody who will make you leave that sh*t alone!

#4: A man who loves you, i mean really loves you, always listens! You may not think he hears but things that he deems important he makes a mental note of and will NEVER forget. If he forgets, it’s not important to him. If you tell him you giving him some coochie at 930am, on the second Tuesday of the month, does he forget? LOL. HELL NO!!! He always remembers things (and people) he deems important, remember that!

#5: Men tend to fall in love first, and we tend to fall hardest. Contrary to everything you’ve been led to believe, Black Men are the most sensitive, vulnerable, and emotionally insecure people on tha planet. Sure, there are those that are all about game, but that’s a incomplete man. A brotha, i mean a real black man, doesn’t take long to decide if a woman is worthy of his heart.

#6: You have to believe that you are even more FINE than your most loyal fan does. Whenever you allow someone else to recognize something in you, or about you, more than you do, you have relinquished the power you have over that thing. You no longer control the value of who you are. To be a star, the shine must begin in YOU!

#7:ADORE your people! Love all of humanity, but make your own people a priority. It’s an oxymoron to say you love all people, but hold disdain for your own people. Those people who look like you….think like you…who share a common history and culture with you. As a black person, your image of yourself is intimately connected to your image of black people. You CANNOT truly love yourself, if you don’t TRULY love black people. This is fundamentally important in relationships. To love a black man, you have to love his reflection, which is you!

more advice…(8-10) updated 4/17

#8…become a master of KEGEL exercises! I don’t care how pretty you or your booty is, how fine you think you are, or how good you think you can cook…if your Kegel game is tight, your man will be your best friend in the world!!! don’t know what ‘kegels’ are? to quote Rudy Ray Moore, they are the ‘grippers in your pussy’ 😉

#9…if you’ve been in a sexual situation with more than one man at a time (more than one woman is ok…LOL)…please don’t let your man find out. I don’t care if it was one time, and you were drunk, and it was 20 years ago…don’t let your current man find out. Trust me, it won’t turn out good!

#10…if a boyfriend or some dick on the side has taken a photo of you, OR you’re taken a camera phone pic of yourself naked…or giving someone a blow job (or licking a woman’s coochie…spreading your coochie lips…or having sex, etc…ME (and about a million other men) have probably seen them on one of many adult message boards on the ‘net. be careful who your trust your coochie with!!!!

more advice…(11-15) updated on 4/19

#11:…you have to HELP a man come to a decision on something, not force him. you have to give him ownership of the decision, rather than posing an ultimatum that forces him to agree to something you demand. the one thing that a black man in this society feels he still has control over is his thoughts and actions in his relationships. once you take that from him, he’s no longer a man!

#12:…there’s NEVER too much spit!, ladies! do i even have to say anything else about this one? LOL

#13:…keep a CLEAN HOUSE!! this actually might be the most important of all the advice (besides Kegels and spit, of course…LOL). especially if his mom always kept a clean house, and you DON’T? it may never come up, and he may never utter a word to you about it, but trust me, he’s thinking about it! trust me, there’s nothing sexy about a nasty ass house! word up!!! just as a woman looks for some of the traits of her father in her man, or if her father wasn’t there, she tries to replace some of the things she missed from not having a father around in her man, it’s the same for a man and his mother. a man’s mother is his PROTOTYPE of what a woman should be, and if he has a good relationship with his mom, he’s gonna want to see similar traits in his woman/wife, and ultimately the mother of his children. you shouldn’t try to take the place of his mother, but understand what that mother IDEAL he has looks like, and you want to always be aware of it.

#14:…always believe in his dream. we tend to think women are the ones who always need encouragement and emotional support, but like i said in #5, a man is far more emotionally sensitive and vulnerable that a woman will EVER be. when a man has a dream, some of his boys are gonna make fun of it, talk shit about it, or just not understand it, but as his woman, you HAVE TO understand. you have to let him know that even if no one else understands, you do! that doesn’t mean co-signing his ass on some bullshit that might leave the family bankrupt or in jail, but it does mean knowing what’s just fly by night shit, and the shit that he’s willing to die for! all women know what’s really important to men. you know…and you have to let him know that you know. …and don’t force him to do it, but help him find his way to fulfilling that dream.

#15….FUCK STEVE HARVEY!!! LOL while i appreciate some of the advice in Steve’s book, don’t ever NOT think like a lady. you’re a lady, so think like one! men and women have different energies, so we’ll never be able to think like the other, or fully appreciate what’s going on in the other’s mind, so don’t try to out-think your mate. there are no rules in when it comes to emotions. no two relationships are the same, so there’s no formula to guarantee you what will or will not work. my advice is to just THINK, and all the other shit will take care of itself!

ok, my sistas…got a couple more for your consideration.

#16…good pussy is not enough! i know it seems like all men are primarily concerned with hittin the ass, but believe it or not we want and need more than that from you. we need you to stimulate our spirits, as well as our loins! 🙂 we need you to inspire us to want to become better people for you. a woman who’s love and inspiration can convince a man to be better for her, is a keeper.

#17..don’t place more value on the relationship than you place value on your own integrity. Don’t be willing to do ‘whatever’ it takes to make a relationship work. Know your limits and make them known UP FRONT! If you sacrifice too much of who you are to accommodate all of who he is, the relationship loses balance, and thus compromising its full potential for growth

#18…believe in the POSSIBILITIES. have faith in the possibilities that an authentic spiritual connection with your mate can bring. far beyond a religious connection, i’m talking about the interconnectedness of your destinies, manifested through the actualization of divine perfection. expand your conception of what’s possible. think beyond what you know

#19…this dude ain’t the other dude. So, stop bringing your expectations and insecurities from your past relationships to this one. If you’re waiting for new dude to lick the coochie the same way the other dude did, you might as well go back to where you came from. Why assume this dude is gonna beat your ass cause the last dude did? This is a new possibility, so allow it to be.

#20…stop comparing your relationship to the relationships of your friends. Stop looking at someone else’s perceived ‘greener grass’, and spend some time fertilizing your own lawn. Just because her man does something you like, that doesn’t mean your man is required to do the same. If you want what her man does done to you, you need her man.

#21…get your OWN f*ckin’ man! Why would you want to try to ‘take’ a man from someone and then expect him to be faithful to you? Actually, most women who claim to like their girl’s man, don’t want them because they need the man, they do it to prove they can take the man. It’s an attempt to boost the ego of a woman who actually has very low self-esteem and an even lower sense of self-worth.

#22…be a porn star, at least in the privacy of your own home!! after you get over 21, all the sexual hang-ups get a little irritating. being a prude is the most unsexy thing in the world, and a guaranteed way for your relationship to have problems. i mean, you ain’t gotta do shit that’s physically impossible. don’t let him put something in your booty that you know can’t fit, but lil shit like giving head ain’t even considered freaky no more!! that shit stop being freaky in the 70s!!!!! find things you’re comfortable with, but if ordinary intercourse is all your willing to consent to, be prepared for the consequences.

#23….make up your damn mind!! all this back and forth, ambivalence and indecisiveness, is counterproductive. by the time the man you want comes into your life, you should already know he’s on his way, because you are already where you need to be, waiting for him. the universe gives us what we ask for through our actions and intentions, and most of us ask for the wrong things!

#24…a woman who REALLY knows sports, and doesn’t just watch it cause her man does, is quite sexy! learn to enjoy and BE KNOWLEDGEABLE about things that your man find enjoyable. if you’re not really into sports, don’t fake it because that will just piss him the fuck off…and you’re gonna sound stupid. if sports isn’t your thing, acknowledge it and keep it moving, so there will be no unrealistic expectations. but, if you really do enjoy it, and can watch the game with you man, and y’all can share the experience equally, you got your best friend sharing your bed!

#25…strive to be EXTRAORDINARY. in every aspect of your life, nor just your career, or as a parent, but in everything you do try to reach your fullest potential. make the pursuit of continual growth a priority in your life. Always want to be better tomorrow than you are right now, and make sure anyone you allow in your life has the same commitment to growth

#26…always smell good! the lotions and cremes and smell goods are a MUST!!! if i smell better than you, we got problems…and especially, ‘down there!’ i wanna take my time and enjoy myself when i take the plunge, not immediately look for the emergency exits. The hair smelling good, skin and feet nice and smooth…and mos def put some lotion on your booty! an ashy booty really sucks!

#27…know what you’re looking for! Be precise about the qualities you want in a man. Most of us don’t get what we want, because we never decide what that is. And the qualities on your list should be less about who you are, and more about who he is!

#28…What is HAPPILY SINGLE? I was never happy when I was single…LOL I mean I wasn’t pressed, but to me the absence of sadness or pain does not equate to happiness. I’m not one of those people who believes we don’t need a mate to be whole. To the contrary, I believe in the divine order and balance of the universe represented by a complementarity of masculine and feminine energy to create a divine perfection.

#29…allow yourself to be loved! a lot of us miss out on our truest loves because we are either AFRAID of what we think love is or are UNAWARE when authentic love presents itself to us. Be not only prepared, but also receptive when love comes, because it may not come back again. **DISCLAIMER: I DON’T BELIEVE IN ‘LOVE…but i know you do! 😉 **

#30…Knowing how to cook makes a woman a look a lot more muthafuckin’ fine! Sure, you can be fine while we’re ordering out or I’m cooking every night, but when I come in that kitchen, and you’re putting in work on that stove, that’s an aphrodisiac that hard to beat!

#31…Ladies, play to your strengths!! If you got a big, nicely-shaped booty, make sure you accentuate it. If you have nice full breasts, make sure they are always on display. HOWEVER…if you know your stomach is a problem area, why draw unnecessary attention to it? Know your limits, ladies! That outfit works for her, but not so much for you!

#32…LADIES, stop referring to your man as your ‘nigga’. Better yet, don’t refer to ANY black man (or woman) as a ‘nigga’. By definition, how can a good man be a nigga, or vice versa? Words have energy, and if you refer to your man as your ‘nigga’, that’s all he’ll ever be…and all you’ll ever be!

#33…LADIES, learn to make being fly look effortless. Sometimes a woman with sweats, a wife beater, sneakers and a fitted cap is 100 times more sexy than a woman who has tons of make-up, 8 inch heels, and not a hair outta place. You have to realize that being fly has less to do with how you look, but more to do with who you are. If you’re really fly, who gives a fuck about what you’re wearing?

#34…LADIES…smile please! Shitty attitudes aren’t sexy or cute! I know dudes can come with a lotta bullshit, but don’t let what someone else does to you affect the way you go about your day. Being beautiful doesn’t begin or end with how you look. It fundamentally reflects who you are, and how you share that beauty with the world, personifies who you really are. Be beautiful in everything you do!

#35…LADIES, if your heart isn’t into giving a blowjob, please just leave it alone! The thing that makes blowjobs so amazing is ENTHUSIASM!!! if you’re just going through the motions, not putting forth any real effort, acting like you’re tired or disinterested, just put the d*ck down and let dude go get himself off….which is probably what he’ll do once you’re done anyway 😉

#36..a man WON’T just fuck anything. Women use that tired excuse too much, to rationalize their poor choices of men. If your man will fuck anything, and he’s fuckin’ you, what does that make you? Men can be (and most are) faithful. You just happen to be fuckin’ ‘anything’ 😉

#37…LADIES, don’t use SEX as a bargaining chip. Believe it or not, your p*ssy is not as good as you think, and making your man meet your demands before you give him some is a bad strategy. P*ssy is only as good as the emotion connected to it. Men won’t cheat if they really love you, but good pussy gets cheated on all the time by the mere prospect of better pussy! 😉

#38…LADIES, listen to BFP!!! LOL I’m serious. I love black women too much to lie to you or tell you something that’s not in your best interest. I don’t have all the answers, but i do know how to avoid bullshit!

#39…LEARN MORE THAN YOU WERE TAUGHT! Our parents taught us what they knew, but everything they knew wasn’t right. Be it religion, sexuality, politics, etc, just because you were taught to believe it doesn’t mean as a free thinking adult there aren’t other things for you to learn. Will you learn something new to teach your children or will their knowledge be just as flawed as yours?

#40…there is nothing painful or destructive about love. It doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t make you cry tears of sorrow. It doesn’t make you compromise who you are to keep it around. It doesn’t ask of you anything that does not contribute to your growth and/or well-being. What love really is, it’s the absence of the need to even define what it is!

#41…your ass is too old for casual sex. once you leave high school, fuckin’, just to be fuckin’, is actually kinda lame. we all have urges, needs, desires, but if you’re laying up with someone and the ONLY reason is to get a nut, you’re literally, a fuckin fool. Place a premium on your pussy…find value in it!

#42…know what you DON’T KNOW! You don’t have all the answers. You don’t always know what he’s really thinking. You don’t…and you may never know! Sometimes it just about trial and error, learning people’s tendencies, rather than make presumptions about their motives. Men will share their hearts, but we always save a section that you’ll never experience and definitely never understand

#43…find a man who has a broad definition of manhood. As a husband and father, not only do I do the ‘man’ stuff like wash the car, cut the grass, etc…but I also help cook, i clean, give the kids a bath, basically WHATEVER my wife needs help with i’m willing to do. If your man has things he ‘won’t’ do, what will happen to the house or your children if you’re ever away? Choose well, ladies!

#44…LADIES, just because he says it, doesn’t make it true. Men don’t only tell you what they think you want to hear, they more often tell you what they think you NEED to hear. It doesn’t take long to determine who you are emotionally, and once we know we ‘create’ a person who can be compatible to who you are. The problem comes when you find out who we really are.

#45…develop a ‘dream’! Are you a dreamer? Do you envision your reality before it comes to fruition? What’s your biggest dream, and have you envisioned what it’s gonna look like? You need to be prepared to answer these questions, not just to find a good mate, but to become a good mate for someone.

#46….LADIES, be clear about you say you are, and about what you say you want! are you really who you say you are? Do you really want what you claim to want? Are you sure that the kind of person you say you are, and the kinda person you claim to want in you life are compatible? Too often who we say we are is inconsistent with who we show ourselves to be. Be who you are, all the time!

#47…LADIES, you CANNOT be the same person in a relationship that you were when you were single. If you want that life, you should have stayed single. Married or women in serious relationships, at the club all the time, is problematic. There’s nothing wrong with still having fun, but you have to redefine what fun means once you are trying to build something meaningful with someone

#48…LADIES, we’re all flawed, not just me! sometimes women complain about a man’s shortcomings, not recognizing her own. you can’t tell me i need to grow and you’re unwilling to acknowledge the areas you need to improve. relationships are mutual growth opportunities. your growth should facilitate mine, and vice versa. one person growing and the other being stagnant or regressing, will place strain on the relationship that often ends bad.

#49…LADIES, his dick is property of the relationship! LOL seriously, women and men both must be upfront, open and candid about their sexual needs. sex is a HUGE part of a relationship, and a lack of sex, or unreasonable demands for it can be problematic. if your man isn’t fuckin you right, or enough, he might, i said MIGHT, be fuckin someone else. or, he might be jacking off to porn online while you’re out of the house. or, her might just not be into your coochie, which is VERY troublesome. you have to get to the bottom of the issue. i mean, of course, sometimes our sexual urges are higher than our partner’s, but that needs to be known and discussed. one person cannot be holding all this pent up resentment because you haven’t made them cum in 6 months! sex isn’t all a relationship is about, but dammit, it better be in the top two!

#50…LADIES, ‘think’ and ‘believe’…in that order! emotions are good, and essential, but never allow how you ‘feel’ about someone change how you ‘think’ about that person. that’s why i don’t buy into the concept of ‘love’. love is something people say they feel, but rarely do they ‘think’ in regards to love. people in love have done some really dumb shit.

if you ‘think’ this person is good for you, based on logic and reason, then perhaps it’s safe to ‘believe’ this person might be the one. if all you do is ‘feel’ this person is right for you, haul ass! find someone you can not only believe in, but someone who makes you ‘think’ he might be the one!

Does Size Matter??? By Pamela Stitch

Does Size Matter??? By Pamela Stitch

I remember having an intimate discussion with a friend of mine about size and he was of the strongest belief that size matters to women and since he was below average, he felt insecure about exploring his sexuality. He felt that women will laugh at him when it came down to that moment. I have to admit that wasn’t the first time that I have come across this issue. Afterall, many jokes, sites exists that makes the myth size seem like a reality. As another friend of mine states,”if you ask the average African woman about size, she will say the bigger the better”. I thought it was time to investigate this idea a little bit closely.

For many men, the idea of size is one which fills them with insecurity as they believe that size actually does matter in making women sexually satisfied. Many industries have taken note of this insecurity and created answers to this dissatisfaction – we see these answers in the drugs that exists as well as the option of penis enlargement surgery which some men have chosen to undergo. But, I have often wondered -”does size really matter when it comes down to satisfying a woman”. What part of this fear is actually real and what part is actually paranoia?

I came across some interesting facts about penis size. According to the website, askmen.com, ” a comprehensive worldwide study of more than 40 independent penis size research projects, undertaken since 1942, has come up with a general penis size guideline. With over 11,000 participants, the survey puts the average erect size of the adult penis between 5.5 inches(14cm ) and 6.2inches(15.7cm) in length and 4.7 inches(11.9cm) and 5.1 inches(13cm) in girth”. So if the average size is about 5.5 inches(14cm), and most men fall in this range then what is the source of this dissatisfaction? This study also went ahead to look at the idea of perception and how that factors in with their dissatisfaction. The study asked ” more than 50,000 heterosexual men and women how they rated their own size or the size of their partner. They found that 85% of women were satisfied with their partner’s penile size, but only 55% of men were satisfied”. Hmm, now this gets more interesting. So basically, men were the one’s putting this issue on themselves rather than women as we are led to believe. If it is safe to hazard a guess, I will say that this sense of insecurity comes from men paying way too much attention to their size and comparing their size to the porn stars that they watch too frequently from porn movies.

So men, get over yourself. Focus on other parts of your body. Stop loving your ‘member’ too much. Focus on learning how to please a woman because a woman will invite you back for second bite, if you a) know what your doing b) make sure she is satisfied in bed c)you know her erogenous zones. I will end by saying, size does NOT matter rather what matters is the motion of the ocean. You dig?

Till next time,

©Pamela Stitch


Il y a toujours eu une compétition entre les Dakaroises et les Saint Louisiennes et les hommes ont pendant longtemps favorisés les « Domou Ndar ». Mais ce n’est pas par hasard mais plutôt parce qu’elles sont expertes dans l’art de la séduction. Pourquoi? Comment? je vous laisse lire…


Le nom d’Aida Diop Diamono est synonyme d’élégance et de discrétion dans tout le Sénégal, pionnière de la haute couture sénégalaise et  femme de courage qui aura marqué les annales en tenant tête au géant Orange qui a utilisé son patronyme , sa marque déposée  «  Diamono »pour commercialiser un de ses services. Aida Diop Diamono c’est la nonchalance dans l’élégance, la classe et l’intelligence , elle représente la « Domou Ndar » – fille de Saint Louis du Sénégal- , dans toute sa beauté et sa bonté. Trêve de lyrisme, car je pourrais m’étendre sur des milliers de lignes pour décrire cette femme que j’admire tant ; mais lors de sa visite à Kinshasa, j’en ai profité pour l’interroger sur les secrets des femmes Saint- Louisiennes .En effet, contrairement à  la croyance populaire, ce sont les petits soins et attentions particulières faites aux hommes qui les retiennent et non pas les maraboutages et autres potions magiques.

Tout d’abord au début de l’entretien, tata Aida me cite la phrase suivante                   «  Djeukeur, dou morome , djeukeur dou nawlé , djeukeur sangue leu » ; traduction littérale «  le mari n’est ni un égal, ni un copain, le mari est un maître » ; Une fois de plus je mets en gars les féministes contre toute interprétation erronée, la notion de maître , s’entend ici comme celui qui protège sa femme, la garde, et est responsable d’elle et de son bien être.  

Le mari n’et pas un égal :

Face à un égal, on considèrera comme injuste tout comportement en non-conformité avec ses attentes, le mari devra s’acquitter des tâches domestiques au même titre que la femme, on retrouverait ici un mari selon le modèle Scandinave. Nos cultures ne s’accommodent pas de ce genre de modernisme, et si votre homme est votre alter ego, ne vous attendez pas à ce qu’il subvienne à vos besoins et vous couve de ses attentions masculines !!!LOOOL !!!


Le mari n’est pas un copain

Nawlé est utilisé pour les copains et copines de la même génération  , quand on se dispute avec un pote, on ne lui fait aucun cadeau et surtout on ne lui pardonne pas grand-chose. Alors que quand on se dispute avec le Mari, on ne doit pas être susceptible , prendre la mouche ou avoir un problème d’égo. On lui pardonne et on avance, on se doit d’être tolérante en toute circonstance à l’égard  de son mari. Donc les sœurs gardez votre calme, tournez la langue 7 fois et si possible dites en peu.

La Saint Louisienne est une cuisinière hors pair , et fait les courses avec soins pour la confection de son tieboudieune (riz au poisson sénégalais) ; elle y met les plus beaux légumes ainsi qu’un poisson frais bien assaisonné (les épices ne sont-ils pas aphrodisiaques ?).

Au-delà du repas, il y a la façon de servir le repas, les plats sont décorés avec imagination et créativité et  posés sur des nappes en dentelles et cotons repassées avec soin et sans un pli. Pendant le repas, les meilleurs morceaux sont disposés devant le Mari en prenant bien soin d’ôter les arêtes et autres. Les fruits sont épluchés et coupés, et un bol d’eau est servi pour le lavage des mains.

Toujours et encore un voyage des sens, les encens les plus forts, ainsi que les senteurs et parfums les meilleurs font parti de l’armoire de la « Domou N’dar ». Elle est toujours habillée avec gout même quand elle fait la cuisine, de façon à n’être jamais surprise débraillée.

Les draps sont toujours parfumés avec soins, et  certaines repassent les draps déjà sur le lit !!!!Elle n’hésite pas, même au milieu de la nuit, à  se reparfumer  afin de titiller les sens de son homme.

Une bonne Saint-Louisienne sait flatter l’égo de son homme et l’observer afin de guetter le moindre signe de trouble et  le calmer, le chouchouter et le rassurer.

La « Domou Ndar » est aux petits soins pour le corps de son homme et bains relaxants, massages, et autres rituels de bien être font parti de son arsenal de séduction.

Bien sur, c’est à chacune d’adapter ces conseils à son couple mais n’oubliez pas mes sœurs que si vous ne soignez pas votre homme, Une autre pourrait le faire à votre place et ce jour là ni votre beauté, ni votre élocution, ni vos diplômes ne seront des éléments de comparaison.

                             Mais ne pensez pas que la « Domou Ndar » est une femme soumise et fragile, c’est une femme battante et indépendant financièrement mais pour qui la séduction n’a pas de secrets.

Alors pour conclure, j’emprunte ses mots à YOUSSOU N’DOUR « Domou Ndar lou mou touti touti khamna Kilifa » -Quelque soit son âge une Saint Lousienne sait respecter son supèrieur.-

©NabouLove Mai 2009