LET’S DO ADULT TALK! BY MEENA KAOJE

Mistakes African men make while having— —- with their women

NOT KISSING FIRST.
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her
feel like you’re paying by the hour and trying to get your money’s worth by cutting
out nonessentials A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.

BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.
Admit it ,some kid at school told you girls love this. Well,there’s a difference
between being erotic and blowing as if you’re trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.

NOT SHAVING.
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which your rake
repeatedly across your partner’s face and thighs.When she turns her head from side
to side, it’s not passion, it’s avoidance.

SQUEEZING HER BOBBYS
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair.Stroke,caress,and smooth them.

BITING HER NIPPLES.
Why do men fasten onto a woman’s nipples,then clamp down like they’re
trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive.They can’t stand up to chewing.Lick and suck them gently.Flicking your tongue across them is good.Pretending they’re a dogie toy,isn’t.

LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT.
Condom disposal is the man’s responsibility.You wore it,you store it.

STOPPING FOR A BREAK.
Women,unlike men,don’t pick up where they left off.If you stop,they
plummet back to square one very fast.If you can tell she’s not there,dont keep
going at all costs,numb jaw or not.

UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY.
Women hate looking stupid,but stupid she will look when naked at the waist
with a sweater stuck over her head.Unwrap her like an elegant present,not a kid’s toy.

MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY.
You’re attempting to give her a sensual,relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay;elbows and knees are not.

GOING TOO FAST.
When you get to the main station!,the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool – she’ll soon feel like an assembly-line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly,with clean, straight, regular thrusts.

GOING TOO HARD.
If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach,the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.

COMING TOO SOON.
Every man’s fear.With reason.If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.

NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH.
It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the
mark of a sex god,but to her it’s more likely the mark of a numb v jay jay.At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you’re playing Marathon Man.

ASKING IF SHE HAS COME.
You really ought to be able to tell.Most women make noise. But if you really don’t know,don’t ask.

NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN.?????

MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES.
Asking her to be on top is fine.Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not.Caress her gently,so that she doesn’t feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner.And let her have a rest.

ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions.If you
want to put IT there,ask her first.And don’t think that being drunk is an excuse.

NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH.
Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.

GIVING LOVE BITES.
It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck,if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end.

BARKING INSTRUCTIONS.
Don’t shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone.It’s not a big turn-on.

NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES.
You have to finish the job.Keep on trying until you get it right,and she might even do the same for you.

SQUASHING HER.
Men generally weigh more than women,so if you lie on her a bit too heavily,she will turn blue.

THANKING HER AFTER SHOW ???
Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen.

What do you think?

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