THE 10 BASIC TRUTHS MOTHER NEVER TOLD YOU ABOUT WOMANHOOD by Buhle Mncube

 

Part 2

These are the 10 truths that mothers never share with their daughters and we only figure them out when we go through the hardships of womanhood:

6. ABOUT LOVING HIM FOREVER:
Mothers know that love is not forever, that there are days when you will wake up and look at the person lying next to you and think: « what on earth did I see in him, I surely wasn’t drunk or drugged when we met 10yrs ago. Was I that desperate cause if I remember correctly, he only scored 3 out of the 10 requirements from my « kind of guy list »? There are days when he will piss you off, and you will sit in front of a mirror pretending how you will give your alibi to the police when asked what really happened. This reminds me of a close relative whose  husband was attacked by bull dogs when drunk and fortunately survived the incident. When she got a call from the hospital she wailed so loud, and later when my mother told her that it’s good that hes’ still alive, her honest reply was: « Sisi, I was crying because deep down I really wish the dogs had finished the bastard, then I can cry once and for all, bury him and have the peace that I yearn for »….it’s only when I got older and was bonding with other women and listening to the tales. I understood what aunty really meant. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Mothers never tell us that a mistake of meeting a wrong partner could also mean disaster. They only encourage you to hang in there it will get ‘better’, even when you both know that love is no more and all is left is to forge a life with your worst enemy under one roof just to keep everyone happy except the two of you who signed the contract. The end product is hatred, resentment, emotional and physical abuse and in worst case scenario….DEATH right at the hands of somebody who once declared his/her undying love for you. We read and watch these cases almost every day on the news and you think it can never happen to me. Is that love?

7. ABOUT THE BLADDER:
If mother was honest, she should have mentioned that after giving birth and over 30 plus, the bladder won’t hold as good as it used to. There will be instances when you will be laughing, coughing or sneezing heavily and a drop of wee will make its way down without your approval. You will be watching the ads about old pensioners’ disposable nappies and your heart beating fast in realising that you might need to start using them as such young age just in case an accident happens whilst in a function or in church.

8. ABOUT MENTAL BREAKDOWN:
All things mother said, she never told you that at some stage you, like her and all other ‘normal’ women will suffer from undiagnosed mental breakdown. The harsh realities of life will leave you feeling worn out and depressed at such times you will talk to yourself… by yourself. These are the days when you will wish that the ground can open up and bury you. Mother never told you that there are incidents that will drain you and that all you will ever think and type on Google is ‘how to plot revenge’. She didn’t say that depression will somewhat be part of a womanhood process but you figured it yourself….the hard way.

9. ABOUT INFIDELITY:
Mother always told you that you are strong, that you will survive and you have turned out just fine. What she or any of your female relatives never told you is that the day you will grow up to be a WOMAN is not when you get a period, or get married, it’s not when you give birth to your children or when cooking, cleaning and taking care of your loved ones….but the day you will be initiated to womanhood is the day when you realize that you are not two but three in your marriage/partnership. That experience will test each and every rule that you were told not to break as a woman. That experience will test your mental, emotional, physical and spiritual capacity and honestly……be prepared for the worst cause you will loose your marbles, literally!! Your faith in God will be put to a test and you will find yourself praying and begging Him to step aside cause this battle, just this one…is yours alone. But mothers never tell us that the day you really grow up as a woman, it’s the day you realise that the person you thought you knew in and out for 20yrs…..you actually didn’t know at all and what you discover shocks you to a frozen state. You hear old women discovering that hubby of 20yrs is not always on business trips, but instead he has another family in the neighboring village with children that are almost the same age as your own and you never knew! Or the truth comes out on the day he kicks a bucket and the ‘other woman’ comes to claim her shares as well. That’s the day you will become a woman!

10. ABOUT ABUSE:
Mother told you not to hook up with anybody who will beat you and physically abuse you. But they never mentioned that there are other forms of abuse. Emotional abuse, financial abuse and the worst form of all abuse, mental abuse. Mothers never say that at some stage, you will be so mentally abused you will not know your left shoe from the right one, you will walk around the mall without realizing that you have worn your shoes the other way round. The world will never know this because you will blame the bruising under your eye to the wardrobe. On reconciling, you will be bribed with gifts from « yours truly », and if you happen to be golf estates residents….the ‘bribery’ is even bigger and better. All your friends will envy you driving in big flashy cars, wearing designer labels pretending that life is good, whilst on very very low days (days in the valley), you drive the same ‘gift’ under a tree somewhere discreet, put your head on the steering wheel and cry your lungs out because you realize that money has failed to fill the void. You have it all but you are still empty. This will be accompanied by schizophrenic symptoms, fear, anxiety disorder and intimidation. You will be called every name in the book with your self-esteem so knock off you won’t have the courage to retaliate. You will be reminded that everything you have is my money and if you want to leave…..you are entitled to nothing. You make your choice….to stay, maybe things will get better! You convince yourself that this is normal for every woman and you are supposed to go through it cause you don’t have a choice. Well you do……and as hard as it is to get out, you still have a CHOICE! Don’t stay for the kids….you will hurt them even more. Don’t stay for your parents….they are living their own lives and have paid their dues. You can lie to the world but you can never lie to your inner self but if you decide to, the price is too high. A high price for betraying your own soul. All it takes is courage.

Let’s liberate our daughters by teaching them about realities of life when they start their journey through womanhood…..not to scare them but to let them know that life does not always have ‘movie’ endings, there’s more to it than we were told so that they can make better choices when their turn come. We are taught biology, physics, history and maths….but why are we not taught the survival skills of womanhood, instead we are left to figure it out on our own through mistakes which in most cases are heartbreaking and stressful.

And to all the single ladies out there……enjoy your freedom, your space, your wardrobe, your shopping till you drop, your bed and going out with your friends without having to rush back home to explain why you stayed till late. Enjoy it girls, it’s only when you have traded it that you realize how important and beautiful life was but also never let go of a good man, there are still a lot of them out there who will give you the love and respect you so deserve:-)

Be Inspired

Une réflexion sur “ THE 10 BASIC TRUTHS MOTHER NEVER TOLD YOU ABOUT WOMANHOOD by Buhle Mncube ”

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