THE 10 BASIC TRUTHS MOTHER NEVER TOLD YOU ABOUT WOMANHOOD by Buhle Mncube

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Part One

These are the 10 truths that mothers never share with their daughters and we only figure them out when we go through the hardships of womanhood:

1. ABOUT WEDDINGS:
Weddings are beautiful ceremonies that hold equally beautiful memories for all but I have always wondered why women cry at weddings, myself included (but not anymore;-). Most people think that we cry because it’s emotional to see two people declaring unconditional love to one another for eternity. The truth that mother never told you is, single women cry because they wish it was them in that dress and wonder if they will ever get this ‘lucky’ before the clock stopped ticking and married women cry because they re-live their pain. Crying is a way to declare the new bride to the world of tears, the world where crying would be your prescribed daily dosage if you get it wrong. It’s a teary welcome to Sing Sing – the most democratic ‘jail’ in the world, you lock yourself up in the presence of friends and family because out of love and a bit of madness (it’s called ‘madly in love for a reason), a woman decides to sign her name and freedom away but will only realize this un rectifiable blunder exactly 24hrs later whilst enjoying the honeymoon. The fact is, a day after the wedding is just another day and the clocks will not change and run anti-clockwise just because you are a new bride. If he’s a player, a bad boy, an abuser, an alcoholic, that’s the deal you get and it can only get worse. This is a very bitter pill to swallow when your signature has been put down on paper and dear mom never told you this truth!

2. ABOUT CHILDREN:
Children are beautiful creatures especially when they are still young and controllable. Mother-in-law keeps asking when are you going to give her grandchildren and everyone put pressure that you are automatically expected to breed since you are over 27 and prospects of getting a marriage proposal anytime soon look really bleak or you are married. What mother never tell, is that the very same children could be the cause of your mental breakdown when they become unruly rascals. We assume that our children will turn out fine and are the source of joy and fulfillment. It’s not always the case, our children may not turn out to be the doctors, the engineers and lawyers we so wish they would. Mothers never mention that the ‘apple of your eye’ can one day become the most wanted serial killer, a rapist, a hoochy or a druggie. As a mother you come to a breaking point where you regret and curse the day you gave birth to your own. The facts of womanhood….children will not turn out the way you want or planned, regardless of everything you sacrificed to give them the best life. They will still choose their own paths which could either be prosperous or disastrous. Both ways, they are still yours. If they turn out well, daddy will proclaim they have taken after him, and if they turn out bad, you take the blame for the bad genes!

3. ABOUT MONEY:
Mother never told you that money will be the cause of your unhappiness. Too little will cause distress in your household and too much will still bring you anxiety, untrustworthy and misery. When you make more that him, he’ll be intimidated, insecure and a control freak who will want to prove that no amount of money will change you into a man. He is, and if you contest he will prove it physically. When he makes more than you (which is a safe option), only the mistress get to enjoy the good life and benefits while you ‘Madam domestic’ is scrubbing floors, the mistress is cruising in the Bahamas and getting five star treatment . You will not be able to buy new clothes without declaring that it was a ‘best bargain’ and if you bought more than one item, the other one will be hidden for a couple of weeks before being worn in pretence that « oh you don’t remember this dress? i bought it long ago just that i gained weight and it didn’t fit ». Sending money and gifts to your side of the family will be scorned and discouraged whilst sending to HIS will be applauded and met with cuddles and kisses and this include spending your own hard earned cash to play a good and kind step-mom to his spoilt kids who have no ‘thank you’ in their vocab.

4. ABOUT SEX:
Mother never told you that this beautiful session will be such a nuisance at some stage in your life. After child bearing and with so many responsibilities of motherhood/womanhood, this is one duty you will hate with passion. After over 5 years together, mother never told you that you will loose almost all your libido and this is one hobby you would live without for months or even years (don’t young widows survive for years without?). It will break all the connection and communication channels, because you know it’s so pointless to talk about something that you are no longer interested in and believe me, tension builds to volcanoes at the lack of providing this bit and you reach a point of no return, silence becomes your only form of communication. You are expected to perform it to the best of your ability whilst you are worn out by children, by work, by wife duties, by in-laws, by church meetings, and your mind is literally on the other side of town. You will be forced to either go to bed before time or after he’s in bed because going together will automatically make you a ‘vulnerable prey’ under a watchful eye of a ‘hungry predator’. Your bedroom becomes a place where you dread to go and relax and enjoy what should come naturally. But again, lack of initiation from his side will trigger insecurities, doubt and low self-esteem. Too much is a pain…too little is ‘questionable’. Don’t be too fooled when he says he’s stressed or has a bad back and denies you your womanly rights for days on end….he’s getting it somewhere else hunny or he’s intending to if you continue with the sanctions and you’ll be made to take the guilt trip when you catch him, and yes you take the blame and it becomes your reality. But mothers will not disclose this truth to you.

5. ABOUT DEATH:
Did mother inform you that if hubby died before you, no matter how much an old fart he was. No matter how poor,or useless he was (at everybody’s knowledge), if he died before you, you will be the first suspect of food poisoning? Yes you…the one who stood by his sorry ass when his family washed their hands off him for being a blacksheep. Yes you, the one who made sure there was food on the table and children went to school like normal when he got laid for being late and drunk at work. Your in laws will turn against you and give you grief, so you can pack your suitcase and go back to your family whilst they take over the house and everything you ever worked for. Mother never told you this because she never thought her angel could turn into a husband ‘murderer’.

Une réflexion sur “ THE 10 BASIC TRUTHS MOTHER NEVER TOLD YOU ABOUT WOMANHOOD by Buhle Mncube ”

  1. This was way too funny but true. Where is the rest pls! I give the writer the kudos! Maybe I should start telling my daughter LWKM!

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