One of my very good friends recently confessed to me that she’s been cheating on her partner for two years! My initial reaction was, for two years, wow and no one knows about this? I should have be shocked, judgemental, horrified or worse avoided her completely, but I wasn’t. In fact its almost like I understood why she’s been cheating, not sure if I would have been so understanding had I not know the background or see the picture of how they live and relate to one another.
There was a survey done in America a while back which suggests that almost 50% of married women have had sex outside of their marriage. They also found that 34% of mothers admitted to having an affair after they had children, and another 53% say they have thought seriously about having an affair. This says that it’s not just men having affairs. We hear all of the time about why men affairs, but women having affairs never seem to be a focus. So, why do women have affairs?
Women Cheat for emotional reasons. Whether it’s a lack of communication in their marriage, a need for an emotional connection they are not receiving, or just the desire to feel wanted and beautiful, women are cheating to fill emotional voids their partners have left them with. My friend suffers from this in her relationship. Her partner never tells her he loves her, he does not show her affection even when we go out as couples he’s always withdrawn, the best he does is puts his hands around the chair she sits in not around her, where as my partner will be very touchy feely, something I expect from him. I asked my friend once, why does she put up with an emotionless relationship, she said she loves him, but then when I asked her if she thinks he loves her, she does not know….now for me, I must know that the guy loves me or else he’s out. I see no reason why I should be in a loveless or emotionless relationship just because I don’t want to be on my own.
As women, we crave the need for security. Men are the blanket that provides this security, and if you as a partner aren’t satisfying this basic need, she will seek it elsewhere. As women age, they tend to feel less and less secure. They begin to question the way they look, feel less attractive, and unable to do things they did when they were younger. Even if these things aren’t true, women tend to convince themselves that they are.
If a man is not reassuring his partner that she is beautiful and important to them, they are putting their relationship at risk, like my friend’s relationship is now in tatters, perhaps for the best!!
My friend decided to cheat with a married man at work. They have stopped seeing each other because he was almost found out by his wife. My friend told me she really did not love this guy any more than her partner but felt great when they were together, and it wasn’t just the ‘sex/loving making’ but the care and affection this other guy showed towards her.
If am honest, in a previous relationship, I felt like cheating for the same reasons as above, I lacked confidence, I was not shown any affection, and he was always away, and worse, I hear rumours that he was seeing other women (this proved to be so in the end). I had to seriously think about it and decided against it. It is my view that if I had cheated, I would be no better than him, or even hold the moral high ground – two wrongs don’t make a right! In the end, I resorted to ending the relationship even though the other party did not want to. It wasn’t easy.
Ladies, I hope you are not tempted to cheat but if you are, think about it first. Typically when you have this feeling, there are problems going on in your relationship. Try addressing those problems and see if you and your partner can work through them.
Learn to communicate better with your partner. Create a transparency, where you know everything about them, and they know everything about you. Spend time together often, and learn something new about them. Find new activities that you both can enjoy together. Never stop dating your partner!
Women really crave the emotional things, so men really need to work at giving them those things. If you are a women, you need to share with your husband what you are craving and lacking. If you are a man, work on satisfying those needs. If you do, you can live a happy marriage together!